When only one partner takes Tango lessons

#21
As a tango teacher and a psychologist who has counseled many through relationship issues, my 2 cents is;
1. Yes, you are over-reacting if he/you have given no reason to believe that his dancing will interfere with the relationship.
2. As you have noted, dance is a passion of the both of you --just not the same one... for the moment. As others have noted you may certainly become involved in tango (if it is a mutual desire). As for your dance, I have found, as TD above, that belly dance has helped many persons to perform better their other endeavors.

OK, an extra cent... relationships are all about the coming together of 'yours' 'mine' and 'ours'. Some parts must cross; others never will, and this is OK. Be well, Goldie, and welcome to the DF.
thanks for your insightful reply!
I guess what slightly bothered me is NOT even the fact that he went to an Tango event but the fact that he did not tell me that at the time and it was brought up in a conversation months later.
 

Angel HI

Well-Known Member
#22
thanks for your insightful reply!
I guess what slightly bothered me is NOT even the fact that he went to an Tango event but the fact that he did not tell me that at the time and it was brought up in a conversation months later.
Pleasure. It's why I alluded to mixing or not the 2 topics (relationship / dancing). One need not challenge or interfere with the other. Keep them separate; the relationship is more important. Discuss not sharing issues if that is what's bothering you w/o it being related to the tango. We so often create issue where there isn't one. :)
 
#25
Well I spoke with my boyfriend and wanted to talk about the reasons why Ilove bellydance and why he likes Tango. As I had suspected he said that if he sees me perform bellydance he may be annoyed and jealous. I reassured him why i dance and that is it for joy and pleasure of dance and making the audience happy. And then we got talking about Tango and i mentioned the positives of why people take tango and that they go to tango events to practice and improve their skills. He said that just like in bellydance where not all audience members appreciate it as an art form and look at the dancer sexually,, many tango goers go in order to meet and pick up new people. Of course he wasnt suggesting that this was his intention but he was making the point that these types of intentions exist everywhere. I didnt feel thrilled hearing about that specially since I would like to think that Tango dancers have one intention in mind which is to enjoy the dance just for what it is.
 
#26
But of course they enjoy the dance. People who do not enjoy the dance go pick up their mates at a bar or other places where they enjoy themselves more. :)
Also, people are not that mono dimensional. I have seen many times how someone came to dances with a single goal to meet a mate or to get closer to a particular person who was into it, but enjoyed the process of learning and dancing so much that in the end dancing became #1 motivation, the interest in the person in question was abandoned, etc. The opposite happens too. Someone who was not looking for a mate at all and just wanted to dance met love of their life at dances, got married etc.
We are humans, our desires and goals tend to shift. :)
 

Mladenac

Well-Known Member
#27
I didnt feel thrilled hearing about that specially since I would like to think that Tango dancers have one intention in mind which is to enjoy the dance just for what it is.
So you would rather comforted with a lie, that to know the truth? :cool:

In bellydancing you have many people watching as an audience.
In tango your audience is the person you are dancing with. ;)
 
#28
People do enjoy Tango for what it is.
What it is?
It is a social dance practiced in a social setting which is a milonga ( a tango dance party). It is a gender specific dance -- traditionally between a man and a woman, but in any case, there is a partner dancing a male's role, and a partner dancing a female's role, performed in a very close hold -- embrace.
So it intrinsically involves meeting and interacting with people of the opposite sex.
But.
In most cases it does not go any further beyond things happening in public, in a milonga. In some cases, it does carry on outside, but it is not Tango's "fault". :) People decide whether to take it further.
 

Angel HI

Well-Known Member
#29
As I had suspected he said that if he sees me perform bellydance he may be annoyed and jealous. I reassured him why i dance and that is it for joy and pleasure of dance and making the audience happy.

He said that just like in bellydance where not all audience members appreciate it as an art form and look at the dancer sexually,,
Jealous of what? Tell him if he is jealous that someone else might see you and think that you are attractive and sexy, then he should not be jealous; he should be proud. I've never understood this frailty or fault of human behavior. Secondly, people could look at a ham sandwich sexually. To bring these things (what-ifs and maybes) into a situation where no indiscretion exists is creating one's own problems where there aren't any.

Dance is good for the soul for many reasons. So is a good relationship. Neither has space for ill feelings or actions... separately or together.
 

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