Who enjoys dating??

#1
I always seem to be preventing or running from them, but then sometimes I complain about lack of....dating just doesn't seem so fun to me! does anyone actually enjoy dating?? why?
how do I stop sabotaging myself? LOL!
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#2
africana said:
I always seem to be preventing or running from them, but then sometimes I complain about lack of....dating just doesn't seem so fun to me! does anyone actually enjoy dating?? why?
how do I stop sabotaging myself? LOL!
not sure anyone but you can answer that...but I'd guess it would be fear...avoidance of pain, unwillingness to be vulnerable...dunno...haven't been on a date for... over 20 years:rolleyes:
 

mamboqueen

Well-Known Member
#3
africana said:
I always seem to be preventing or running from them, but then sometimes I complain about lack of....dating just doesn't seem so fun to me! does anyone actually enjoy dating?? why?
how do I stop sabotaging myself? LOL!

I think a lot of married people enjoy it. LOL. Not necessarily with each other ;)

Honestly, it's been so long, I can't imagine having to go back to that. I don't think I would if I suddenly wasn't married. There's just so many good books I've been wanting to read :raisebro:

Hopefully some of our single df'ers can weigh in on this with some advice for you. Maybe we should set up a "partner" search right here.
 
#6
For me, it depends on the guy in question... Sometimes we hit it off, and its great... Others, well... its just kinda painful...
 

DWise1

Well-Known Member
#8
fascination said:
not sure anyone but you can answer that...but I'd guess it would be fear...avoidance of pain, unwillingness to be vulnerable...dunno...haven't been on a date for... over 20 years:rolleyes:
Try 30 years.

[too much in my head right now to even begin to think of how to express]
 
#9
fascination said:
not sure anyone but you can answer that...but I'd guess it would be fear...avoidance of pain, unwillingness to be vulnerable...dunno...haven't been on a date for... over 20 years:rolleyes:
yes yes and yes but I can't help it, and i've never even been serious with anyone before to have good reason to fear commitment...
I'm not the "short-term goal" ;) type though so I don't see the big deal in dating but it seems unavoidable for long-term goals like marriage...<sigh>
I'm seriously contemplating asking my parents for an arranged marraige in say 4-5 years, just skip all the shebang

today i've got this fellow looking my info up, emailing, and I know what he wants :raisebro: i'm feeling strongly like running again...lawd....maybe i'll pretend I did not read that email LOL
 
#11
Twilight_Elena said:
I've never been on a date. Is it as awkward and annoying as it is rumoured to be?

T_E
Dates are always awkward, but that's only human nature, because you are dealing with all kinds of human emotions. Don't worry about it though. That only lasts for a short period of time. ;)
 
#12
peachexploration said:
Sounds like he's not what "you" want, hence the running. ;)
I'm reminded of that line "honey it's not you, it's me" :lol:
yeah I always seem to have some excuse, regardless of the particular guy, beyond light flirting I don't much like the messiness of it all....maybe dating just doesn't feel "right" period. But I don't know what I'm waiting for...I'm 25 for gawds sake
 

DWise1

Well-Known Member
#13
africana said:
I'm reminded of that line "honey it's not you, it's me" :lol:
Except for the "honey", that is exactly, word-for-word, the lie my ex-wife told me, along with a few other transparent lies. After 30 years together, she wouldn't even tell me why she had filed for divorce (and took nearly a week to tell me), but just tossed lies at me.

africana said:
yeah I always seem to have some excuse, regardless of the particular guy, beyond light flirting I don't much like the messiness of it all....maybe dating just doesn't feel "right" period. But I don't know what I'm waiting for...I'm 25 for gawds sake
It doesn't get any easier, so it won't do you any good to wait until you're older. 'Course, in the case of those like me, there are also those issues of betrayed trust, justifiable fear of commitment (I had committed for 30 years and just look at what happened), etc, to get past, which you hopefully do not have.

Now I will admit that I also could not deal with the likes of match.com, but then my counselor had pressured me to get on it while my divorce was still dragging out. In my case, I just could not see anyone who interested me and I spent more time eliminating possibilities than looking for ones. Myself, I prefer meeting new prospects in person first to see whether there's any possible interest; I just could not see that through an online profile. The downside is that I don't know the "secret codes" for detecting and indicating interest nor the techniques for following up.

You've gotten a lot further than me. Don't run away at this point.

Think of it this way. Dating doesn't feel "right" until you've gotten to know a right person well enough. The first dates with someone are essentially with a stranger, after all. Very few people feel comfortable being with a stranger, but there's only one way for them to stop being a stranger (assuming that you two "click").
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#14
africana said:
yes yes and yes but I can't help it, and i've never even been serious with anyone before to have good reason to fear commitment...
I'm not the "short-term goal" ;) type though so I don't see the big deal in dating but it seems unavoidable for long-term goals like marriage...<sigh>
I'm seriously contemplating asking my parents for an arranged marraige in say 4-5 years, just skip all the shebang

today i've got this fellow looking my info up, emailing, and I know what he wants :raisebro: i'm feeling strongly like running again...lawd....maybe i'll pretend I did not read that email LOL
well it doesnt have to be a previous date that has made you reluctant to risk...it could be trust/control issues developed much earlier on in life...what's so bad about not wanting to date?
 
#17
DWise1 said:
Now I will admit that I also could not deal with the likes of match.com, but then my counselor had pressured me to get on it while my divorce was still dragging out. In my case, I just could not see anyone who interested me and I spent more time eliminating possibilities than looking for ones. Myself, I prefer meeting new prospects in person first to see whether there's any possible interest; I just could not see that through an online profile. The downside is that I don't know the "secret codes" for detecting and indicating interest nor the techniques for following up.

You've gotten a lot further than me. Don't run away at this point.

Think of it this way. Dating doesn't feel "right" until you've gotten to know a right person well enough. The first dates with someone are essentially with a stranger, after all. Very few people feel comfortable being with a stranger, but there's only one way for them to stop being a stranger (assuming that you two "click").
oh it's not online dating, this guy is an old acquaintance...
online dating is another animal I'm not willing to tackle yet heh

yeah it's really easy to figure out which "requirements" a prospect doesn't meet, too easy. But friends keep saying I need to practice dating (i.e. go out with Mr. "right now")

fascination said:
well it doesnt have to be a previous date that has made you reluctant to risk...it could be trust/control issues developed much earlier on in life...what's so bad about not wanting to date?
yep control/trust issues ;0
 

ssjss

New Member
#19
africana said:
yeah it's really easy to figure out which "requirements" a prospect doesn't meet, too easy. But friends keep saying I need to practice dating (i.e. go out with Mr. "right now")
Is it Mr. right now at last call or Mr. right now O my GOD he can really dance and that BUTT, oh oh he looking at me now?
 
#20
Hmm, some dates are enjoyable. When I was younger they were exciting, because I didn't know what to expect and I was excited about the possiblity of connecting with a new person.

Now, just depends - some dates are definately enjoyable and others I can't wait for them to end.

Its just a mixed bag!
 

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