Who enjoys dating??

skwiggy

Well-Known Member
If this guy is into video games, then that is what he's into. I would NEVER give up dancing to impress a guy.

Cleaning up his apartment, etc is a different story. Trying to better yourself to be more attractive to others is a good thing. I put that in the category of staying fit, clean and healthy. Those things attract others, but you are really only bettering yourself.

But giving up a hobby or something you enjoy to snag someone else is a whole other can of worms that I would not want to open. It was the long hours of video games that I noted objection to personally, not the slovenly behavior specifically. Not that that stuff was attractive...
 

DWise1

Well-Known Member
AzureDreamer said:
and change your yourself? geez. you haven't any idea. Take the average guy: he's on his couch playing internet video games. He's eating day old pizza out of a box on the floor. The apartment is on occasion straightened up, but has never been cleaned. He's got swimsuit models and rock band posters tacked up on the walls. In the fridge he has two beers, half a lime, and a two week old chinese take-away. he doesn't own an ironing board.

Lets face it, we are talking permanent life-style change here. This guy may be funny, great looking, confident, generous, attentive, intelligent, etc, etc... lots of attactive qualities. If only he could find a woman who could appreciate him for who he is, that wouldn't judge him by superficial qualities like the way he dresses, the wreck of his apartment, spending 40 hours a week in fantasy land being a gnome sorcerer named "gankenstein wtfpwnd"... *cough*

Get. Over. It. Permanent. Lifestyle. Change. Needed.
Just out of curiosity, how long have you been a programmer? Windows programming with C or C++, right?


BTW, everyone, it's not the computer geek stereotype that gave me the clue.
 
Cleaning up his apartment, etc is a different story. Trying to better yourself to be more attractive to others is a good thing. I put that in the category of staying fit, clean and healthy. Those things attract others, but you are really only bettering yourself.
ok... so go back to the advice I had for women and see if any of those fall into that category.

But giving up a hobby or something you enjoy to snag someone else is a whole other can of worms that I would not want to open. It was the long hours of video games that I noted objection to personally
well, if you are in a serious relationship, have kids, you are going to be a lot more time constrained anyway. This is kind of a suitability thing. If you had kids, would you be able to spend enough time with them? You can't really do 40+ hours of video games (or any other hobby) in a week and have someone think you are going to be a good parent. You might turn out to be a good parent, but they might not see that in you.
 

skwiggy

Well-Known Member
The difference is, I don't stay fit to make myself seem more "marriageable", or to trick someone into thinking I'm a great catch. I do it for me, and if that so happens to make me more attractive to others, well then great. The bottom line is, you were encouraging women to display a prescribed list of predefined characteristics that highlight their ability as a wife and mother, whether or not those charasticteristics actually applied to them. I'm talking about being a more fit, cleaner and better self. But still being one's self.

Ah, and so now you're advocating that I not spend so much time dancing, because my being busy might make it look like I wouldn't have time to spend with my future children who don't exist yet? So because I keep myself busy with things that make me happy right now, it appears as if I will be an unfit mother in the future? Just clarifying your absurd argument...
 
The bottom line is, you were encouraging women to display a prescribed list of predefined characteristics that highlight their ability as a wife and mother, whether or not those charasticteristics actually applied to them.
Yeah... much in the same way as taking care of your appearance, cleaning your apartment, and whatever might not apply to a guy. Whatever. (and yes, I think he really is buying into a lifetime of "faking" it.)

Ah, and so now you're advocating that I not spend so much time dancing, because my being busy might make it look like I wouldn't have time to spend with my future children who don't exist yet?
that depends a lot on how much you dance I guess... If you spend 20 hours a week with your "pro" on top of holding down a regular job, went to national competitions every month; I think that might present problems. If you go to classes on tuesdays 'together', have an hour saturday morning with a 'pro', and you went out dancing socially every other week, thats very different.

I think being obsessive about any hobby that you don't do together is problematic.
 

skwiggy

Well-Known Member
AzureDreamer said:
I think being obsessive about any hobby that you don't do together is problematic.
It's a good thing my boyfriend doesn't agree with you. He thinks it's great that I have dancing and it's my own thing. We both happen to think that level of autonomy is healthy and positive.

If you haven't already found her, I'm sure there's a woman out there for you who would be more than happy to change herself to match your list of predefined characteristics, and eliminate any time consuming hobbies from her life to make her more available to hypothetically cook and clean for you and raise your future children, before you even go on a first date.

Perhaps you could make it easier on your potentials, and bring this list on your first date. You could present it to her and let her know what you're looking for. That could save you a lot of time eliminating the ones who aren't willing to be who you want them to be. :rolleyes:

All I'm saying is, being that woman who is "marriageable" for you (which from your description, sounds like a woman I wouldn't even want to be friends with), is not the only way to attract a life long partner.
 
It's a good thing my boyfriend doesn't agree with you. He thinks it's great that I have dancing and it's my own thing.
well, that's actually the point... its not an issue for dating someone... its an issue for marrying them. and its really too bad you couldn't be as accepting that "computer games" was his thing... and you can't be as open minded about the autonomy. At least you found some one to give so you can take, take, take, take, take....
 

skwiggy

Well-Known Member
AzureDreamer said:
well, that's actually the point... its not an issue for dating someone... its an issue for marrying them. and its really too bad you couldn't be as accepting that "computer games" was his thing... and you can't be as open minded about the autonomy. At least you found some one to give so you can take, take, take, take, take....
Computer games for a few hours a week would be one thing. Computer games for 40 hours a week, basically the equivalent of a second job, is quite another.

And I'm not going to go into my future plans with my boyfriend in a public forum, so I'll leave it at the fact that you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Again, you're ignorant for assuming I'm a taker. That could not possibly be any farther from the truth. It's interesting that you just assume that I'm a selfish person because I'm not willing to lie and deceive. I don't really get how one follows from the other.

Looking feverishly for the ignore button... Ah, there it is! I'm done with this absurd exercise arguing with an ignorant, close-minded neanderthal.
 
Computer games for a few hours a week would be one thing. Computer games for 40 hours a week, basically the equivalent of a second job, is quite another.
well, how is that different than dancing? Its ok to be obsessive about that, and not with something else?

(What if updating your "myspace" page was your thing?)

Looking feverishly for the ignore button... Ah, there it is! I'm done with this absurd exercise arguing with an ignorant, close-minded neanderthal.
mmm.... yes, I guess the more intelligent, open minded and less judgemental among us prefer to resort to name calling when they prove utterly incapable actually using logic or any form of rational thought to prove a point.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
ahem...ladies and gents...we are teetering here on things that run counter to the spirit of the forum...so I am hopeful that we are done with this line of conversation or can take the dispute into pms...thanks
 
AzureDreamer said:
In terms of health benefits its important to decouple 'childbirth' from other 'health benefits'. In a couple studies I have seen, married women who do not have children have the same (or greater) health benefits as married men. Women who are married and have children are significantly healthier than single women with children. It does appear that childbirth does have a long term impacts on health, and that a much larger number of women who have had children were married historically. With the increase in the numbers of single parent families, I would be interested to see how the "benefits of marriage" analysis changes.
Actually I recently saw a cost-analysis of child-bearing that showed it didn't much more than sentimental value, i.e that feeling of holding a "precious bundle". don't get me wrong, I love kids, want them. but having them has nothing to do with women's health, actually it's probably the opposite if you balance for factors like lifestyle and mental health
 
how much "history" is too much? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hearing about past drama, you know like dating married women and pretending to be gay to not tip off the husband :lol: but chances are I'm gonna RUN after I'm done listening to that story :lol:

I have a problem with dating men who've been "around the block" too many times, had too many adventures. but that's fashionable these days...is not wanting that so unreasonable?
 
how much "history" is too much? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hearing about past drama, you know like dating married women and pretending to be gay to not tip off the husband :lol: but chances are I'm gonna RUN after I'm done listening to that story
History is best left as history.
 
well, if I'm getting a used ehm "car" I like to find out exactly how much mileage was put on it by previous "owners", I want to know about all previous "accidents" and "damage". The finding out process could be unpleasant, but I'd rather know now than sink my time and resources later into a costly black hole of "repairs" LOL
 

MacMoto

Active Member
africana said:
how much "history" is too much?
Depends on how much "history" you've got yourself... It would probably work better if his lifestyle and relationship expectations are not hugely different from yours.
 
well, if I'm getting a used ehm "car" I like to find out exactly how much mileage was put on it by previous "owners", I want to know about all previous "accidents" and "damage". The finding out process could be unpleasant, but I'd rather know now than sink my time and resources later into a costly black hole of "repairs" LOL
I think this is just really a bad idea. A really, really bad idea. My feeling is you have to just look past the dings and scratches; stop worrying about where they came from; obsessing about imperfections isn't good for either of you. Don't worry about what the old owner did on the weekends, don't worry about how much mileage it has. Focus on how much mileage it has remaining, how well it drives now, whether it can get you to where you want to go.

I think people are complex, there will be some positive things, some negative things. Iif you look for bad, you are going to find it. If you look for good, you'll find that. Starting out looking for bad is going to kill any relationship before it ever gets started.
 

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