Why do men say this on the dance floor?

#1
Ok every week we get some new dancers on the dance floor, and I love this. It's just that whenever we get some new men or young boy teenagers in, they always seem to ask if I'm an instructor first, and then go onto tell me that they only came here to meet women. I had this happen to me again last night, and it's driving me crazy lol. Then they think that they are being all smooth like by telling me this, and then telling me that they'll get with me later when I'm like oh no you won't!!! I'll pick out whoever is not dancing and dance with them instead lol. ;)

First of all, for men to be that blunt without knowing you scares me. (Although, then I know what their intentions are and I tend to ignore them afterwards.) But not only the bluntness scares me, but that is not the most romantic thing that a man could say to a woman. I'm more of a romantic type of person, and stuff like that just seems so not romantic!!! It's a real turn off.

Anyhow, does anyone have any comments to all of this? I didn't join dance to meet men, in fact it was sort of therapy from a previous bad relationship. This was my chance to start a new life and to meet new people as to which yes if a relationship develops that's great, because I don't think that you can control feelings no matter how much you try to do so, but that's not what I went there for.

I sort of want to pull a Jennifer Lopez when she told Richard Gere in the movie, Shall We Dance, that if that's the only reason why he joined dance, then he shouldn't have come there at all. But then I don't want to sound mean, but at the same time, this is driving me crazy lol! So, what do you think ladies, do you think this is a turn off too? And for the men... why would you say such a thing to a woman on the dance floor that you don't even know? Bad men!!! Bad!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
 

Vince A

Active Member
#2
SPratt74 said:
And for the men... why would you say such a thing to a woman on the dance floor that you don't even know? Bad men!!! Bad!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
Ahem . . . how about re-phrasing that to some men, and probably, some women . . .

Bad men??? Hm-m-m-m-m . . . I take it, there are no bad women??? And, I suppose no woamn ever said such a thing? I actually know a woman who said (after a bad marriage and vowing to never do it again) that the only reason she took up Salsa and WCS was to meet men and get laid every weekend. Although she said that, she doesn't live that lifestyle!

I never ever said that, nor will I. I was dancing before I was interested in the opposite . . . I learned the Jitterbug at age 6 . . . my Mom being the "only woman in my life at that age!"
 
#4
Vince A said:
Ahem . . . how about re-phrasing that to some men, and probably, some women . . .

Bad men??? Hm-m-m-m-m . . . I take it, there are no bad women??? And, I suppose no woamn ever said such a thing? I actually know a woman who said (after a bad marriage and vowing to never do it again) that the only reason she took up Salsa and WCS was to meet men and get laid every weekend. Although she said that, she doesn't live that lifestyle!

I never ever said that, nor will I. I was dancing before I was interested in the opposite . . . I learned the Jitterbug at age 6 . . . my Mom being the "only woman in my life at that age!"
Haha! Well, I know that women probably say that too. But my point was towards the men though, because I get that a lot myself. But yeah it does work in both ways unfortunately! I guess you could say that you are fortunate if you actually have feelings for the other person though, but this hasn't happened to me yet lol! ;)
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#5
SPratt74 said:
And for the men... why would you say such a thing to a woman on the dance floor that you don't even know? Bad men!!! Bad!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
Certainly not me. :nope:

Like you SPratt I didn't take up dancing for the purpose of meeting women and no one I dance with will ever hear something like that from me.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#6
I think sometimes people who're nervous about meeting people unintentionally say the dumbest things.

Either that, or these guys you're meeting think you'll be intrigued. :?

I genuinely hope it's the former. :lol:
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#8
Uhh... I can see how that'd work. :cool:

I usually just walk away, if I think it's necessary. Or (most of the time) I use non-verbals (facial expressions, etc) to convey my message of disinterest. Most guys are so paranoid about rejection that one raised eyebrow is enough to scare 'em off. lol.
 
#9
pygmalion said:
Uhh... I can see how that'd work. :cool:

I usually just walk away, if I think it's necessary. Or (most of the time) I use non-verbals (facial expressions, etc) to convey my message of disinterest. Most guys are so paranoid about rejection that one raised eyebrow is enough to scare 'em off. lol.
Lol! Well, I couldn't walk away in this case, because we were partnered up, and I ended up with him as a partner. But I made sure to stay away from him once the party started, and he ended up leaving early lol. I think that maybe he got discouraged and didn't want to stay lol. There were two instructors that tried to stop him from leaving, so maybe they sensed that he was upset about something when I heard him say that he got a phone call or something like that which wasn't true. (I think he only got upset because he didn't get any that night! :mad: ) He didn't pick up his phone until they started talking to him not before hand. I tell you some men!!! :mad:
 
#10
When I first started teaching dance (early 1970s), I knew ahead of time that was why most of the men took lessons. I was warned by my boss, bless his heart.

What he forgot to tell me is that teacher is usually the first target. Gak! And the more I flaunted my engagement ring--my fiancee also taught there!--the worse it got.

That changed in the 1980s, and going from a chain studio to an independent. The guys were getting into the athleticism of it, and all of a sudden I was the subject of a different kind of competition--who could do the best stunts with me! So it went from getting hit on to getting thrown in the air. It was a change for the better!

So are we back to the old days?
 
#11
Whirling Dervish said:
When I first started teaching dance (early 1970s), I knew ahead of time that was why most of the men took lessons. I was warned by my boss, bless his heart.

What he forgot to tell me is that teacher is usually the first target. Gak! And the more I flaunted my engagement ring--my fiancee also taught there!--the worse it got.

That changed in the 1980s, and going from a chain studio to an independent. The guys were getting into the athleticism of it, and all of a sudden I was the subject of a different kind of competition--who could do the best stunts with me! So it went from getting hit on to getting thrown in the air. It was a change for the better!

So are we back to the old days?
Well, the owner (also my instructor) told me one my first day that this wasn't a pickup joint. The problem is that I don't think the other instructors tell their students that when they first come. Otherwise, I think that the people not really interested in the dance wouldn't be so open about their intentions if they were told by their instructors the same thing that I was told. This is why I wish we had a class in etiquette or something along those lines lol.
 
#12
We have a trio of daffy women at ours who seem to be "man-rovers". Any time one of the husbands shows up sans partner, or a new, seemingly unattached male walks through the door, they head right for them. The guys at our studio are already hip to this game, and therefore attach themselves to other groups, so as not to be construed as weak and separated from the herd. Then the lions could bring 'em down quick!
 
#13
SPratt74 said:
Ok every week we get some new dancers on the dance floor, and I love this. It's just that whenever we get some new men or young boy teenagers in, they always seem to ask if I'm an instructor first, and then go onto tell me that they only came here to meet women. I had this happen to me again last night, and it's driving me crazy lol. Then they think that they are being all smooth like by telling me this
A man does not walk into a dance studio simply because he's looking for a new hobby. He doesn't walk in simply because he's desperate to get a date. No, he doesn't walk in until he's so far beyond desperate that there's really nothing left to loose. Once his feet are committed to that path, he is in a new world where everything is newly possible or impossible. Walking in that door is an emotional confession of such life altering proportion that there's no remaining role for coy evasion - for once he is free to tell the truth, because he would not be there if he had any remaining concern of how others might react. If he returns enough to understand in the sober light of day the world he has discovered, you'll get a better idea of who he really is; but if he doesn't, well, then he's left to make room for the next weekend's pilgrims.
 
#14
I think most guy dancers will say that they are there because of the music, blah blah because they can get away with it. If you hook them up to a lie detector and ask the real reason they are there, meeting women will probably be one of the top answers.

I would tell a stranger that I am there to meet women because she might know someone there who is there to meet men. It's not the smartest or best strategy, but it should work once in a while. If you are not interested, chances are that you would know a girl that would be 'perfect for him'.

I had more than one girl ask 'do you have a girlfriend?' after just meeting for one or two times. Probably for the same reasons.

I tell people I'm there to 'pick up chicks' sarcastically, too.
 
#15
If they are new to dancing, they are probably also justifying their cultural conditioning. It's more acceptable to say that you are there to hunt for women than to please your inner sissy that wants a gay hobby.
 
#16
"If they are new to dancing, they are probably also justifying their cultural conditioning. It's more acceptable to say that you are there to hunt for women than to please your inner sissy that wants a gay hobby."

Lol Brujo! Inner sissy--Lordy. :)

You could have a point though, even though I don't think most women consider men who dance as sissies. Maybe that the guys do makes all the difference.

So I wonder what women are really saying when they say, "I'm just here to pick up men." Maybe they mean it, haha!
 
#18
Sagitta said:
perhaps..perhaps...but since I'm dating I don't think the lie detector would register that I'm hunting for women...
You are probably one of the selected few then lol! ;)

I like the idea of the lie detector though. I wonder where I can get a hold of one lol! :D
 

Twilight_Elena

Well-Known Member
#19
brujo said:
If they are new to dancing, they are probably also justifying their cultural conditioning. It's more acceptable to say that you are there to hunt for women than to please your inner sissy that wants a gay hobby.
Very good point, brujo. Like that guy in "Shall we Dance".
But in any case... GOD. What kind of insecure bozo would go hunting for women in a dance studio???

T_E
 

Twilight_Elena

Well-Known Member
#20
PasoDancer said:
We have a trio of daffy women at ours who seem to be "man-rovers". Any time one of the husbands shows up sans partner, or a new, seemingly unattached male walks through the door, they head right for them. The guys at our studio are already hip to this game, and therefore attach themselves to other groups, so as not to be construed as weak and separated from the herd. Then the lions could bring 'em down quick!
:uplaugh: Sounds like some gals (and lads) I know!

T_E
 

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