Why some women are not asked to dance

#85
perhaps it is my catholic upbringing...I wouldn't be able to live with myself for being that arrogant and uncharitable...honestly, and I think most women are like me...I have never turned a man down for a dance in my life....if he smells to the point of gagging me or is an arrogant son of a gun, I might evade a bit, but I have never turned a man down...(um, other than pro)...but THAT is another story altogether
Having been a personal recipient of Fascination's graciousness, I can testify to her authenticity. And while a newb who is intimidated by her skills might "die a thousand deaths" upon receiving an invitation (as she mentioned in another post), I imagine few such leaders still feel that way by the end of the dance. What a sweetheart. Fortunately, she's not a rarity, in my experience. Standardgirl, who is local to our scene now, is another example of a very skilled dancer who is kind to us "barely bronze" types.
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#86
Is very tasty fried, with some sunny yellow mustard and a slice of letuce, on toasted white bread.

...wait a minute, this isn't the lunch thread...
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#87
Having been a personal recipient of Fascination's graciousness, I can testify to her authenticity. And while a newb who is intimidated by her skills might "die a thousand deaths" upon receiving an invitation (as she mentioned in another post), I imagine few such leaders still feel that way by the end of the dance. What a sweetheart. Fortunately, she's not a rarity, in my experience. Standardgirl, who is local to our scene now, is another example of a very skilled dancer who is kind to us "barely bronze" types.
you are obligating yourself to another dance next week;)
 
#91
It amazes me that a few women can with a straight face simultaneously complain about the lack of men (good or otherwise) and also refuse to encourage men. Is the concept of cause-and-effect completely alien to them, or what?
Well, what's wrong with not wanting to settle for anything but the best??? :p

Haha... I'm just teasing. You do make a good point though. By the way, I like reading your posts. I'm not sure why though. ;)
 
#92
Well, what's wrong with not wanting to settle for anything but the best??? :p

Haha... I'm just teasing. You do make a good point though. By the way, I like reading your posts. I'm not sure why though. ;)
Awww... thanks. I think :confused:

I guess I did descend into rant-mode a little back there, sorry about that. But I've a zero-tolerance approach to hot-shottism.

My approach, for all dance forms, is that I'll dance with anyone who asks me - unless I desperately need a break for some reason. And if I do refuse, I'll try to ensure that I seek out the person who asked me later, and ask them.

I'd hope that everyone would try to adopt this approach, rather than be a slave to perceived social conventions. Social mores never excuse rudeness in my view.
 
#93
My approach, for all dance forms, is that I'll dance with anyone who asks me - unless I desperately need a break for some reason.
My LW and I dance most dances together when we go to socials, primarily because I don't like letting her sit alone in order to invite someone else. But neither of us will turn down an invitation from another dancer. We've been dancing ballroom for nearly two years and in that time, I've only been turned down once (last Friday, as a matter of fact). I got a simple "no thanks." I was stunned, because it was an event at which followers greatly outnumbered leaders and this particular follower was unaccompanied. Oh well. Her loss!
 
#94
I had that experience while working as a youth director on the American Queen. At night, I had no youth duties, so I parked myself on the dance floor as a "gentleman host" (there were no GHs on my two week sailing). Three ladies were sitting together; I approached the three, and asked one to dance. She declined. I asked the other two. They declined. For the rest of that week, I danced with four other single ladies in turn, and two ladies whose husbands didn't dance while the three ladies sat and watched. I agree, their loss. btw...the American Queen has a lovely dance floor, and before Katrina, had a dance band (American Queentet) second to none.
 
#95
So basically we don't get asked if:
We are too good
We are to bad
We don't ask the men
We turn up alone and haven't been introduced to anyone...

To be honest I think this is fair enough, and I don't blame a guy who doesn't get the hint from me staring at him across the room winking and blowing kisses that I'd like him to invite me or I'll even meet him half way...
Oh wait... maybe that's why my version of cabaceo doesn't always work how it should...
 

Me

New Member
#96
I don't think anybody likes dancing with somebody who sucks. Men don't like having to hold a woman up, women don't like being knocked off their balance as they do basic eights for three dances in a row.

I haven't had nearly the experience as a lead that I do as a follow, but I know that it is NOT pleasant to try to lead a woman who is wobbling all over the place and hanging on your arms. You are... EXHAUSTED at the end of just one dance from holding her up and trying to catch up as she races ahead of you, 'guessing' what you are going to do next. I think it is not rude for a man to let a woman go after just one dance in this situation. Three dances of that would be sheer physical agony.

I think as a follow it helps me to dance with completely new leads. I have to be completely on my own center. If he does something to knock me off my balance and I can't keep myself from stumbling, this is my fault. Even with the worst lead, you can feel where his weight is and 'dodge' his missteps MOST of the time. Though I have to admit, I do still get run over, just not nearly as often as I used to.
 
#97
So basically we don't get asked if:
We are too good
We are to bad
We don't ask the men
We turn up alone and haven't been introduced to anyone...
That sums it up, yes :)

Seriously, I'm not familiar enough with the tango culture to know the ins and outs of etiquette.

Modern Jive and WCS venues in the UK tend to have a "women can, and do, ask men to dance" culture, which is one of the best things about those scenes in my opinion.

Salsa venues don't have such a culture - certainly not the large city venues, although the local ones can be more friendly that way.

And apparently, for Zouk social dancing, it's perfectly acceptable (and stylish) for a male dancer to steal a lady away from her current partner during a dance.

So, I accept that etiquette varies for different dance forms, and in different areas. But I know what's rude, and what's likely to discourage us men from asking new people to dance.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#98
And apparently, for Zouk social dancing, it's perfectly acceptable (and stylish) for a male dancer to steal a lady away from her current partner during a dance.
hey, that's interesting. have you dont zouk, dave? have been interested in that for awhile...
 
#99
I don't think anybody likes dancing with somebody who sucks.
Errrmm, except that we all sucked at one point. If we didn't have better dancers to help us develop, we'd still be stuck in suck-land.

And, to quote Dick Crum (the sig of another member I believe):
  1. Beginning dancer: Knows nothing.
  2. Intermediate dancer: Knows everything, but is too good to dance with beginners.
  3. Hotshot dancer: Too good to dance with anyone.
  4. Advanced dancer: Dances everything, especially with beginners.
Says it all, for me.

I think it is not rude for a man to let a woman go after just one dance in this situation. Three dances of that would be sheer physical agony.
I disagree - I feel "you're not a good enough dancer for me yet" is not a good enough reason to be rude.

A good leader has so many advantages, that they should be able to give a good dance to almost anyone - even if it's literally just walking along the floor in time to the beat.

Which is a pretty good description of my current level of AT dancing, I have to admit...
 
hey, that's interesting. have you dont zouk, dave? have been interested in that for awhile...
Nope, I can't get my head around more than 1 dance at a time. :D

But, I've heard several times from people, that at Lambada or Zouk, they give the woman back to you or pass her on - if someone steals your woman its just a way of saying hello. The Brazilians all do it to each other with no warning, apparently.

It'd scare the hell out of me, I'm sure...
 

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