Would you get married after the first date?

#1
Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...

But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
after the first date is a bit much...

What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?

Before getting into that, let me say this.

Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
own pace...everything.

As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...

...Another date

If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
the details of my life...

...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
phone number, or email, or whatever...

The point here is taking it step by step.

This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.

When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...

...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.

You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...

It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
to know someone...it will make things awkward.

After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
to start trying out new things.

But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.

If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.

I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...

...It really didn't look like she was having a good time

This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
not ready for.

Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...

If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.

Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
that the actual time it takes is a short one.

I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
other and really go off...

...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.

It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...

And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.

On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...

So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
don't force someone to commit on your first dance.

You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
 
#6
Great post...and by the way my parents did get engaged on their second date and they're still together. :D (not that I think this is a common occurence)
 
#7
Hey SwingingBoo...

That's pretty awesome about your parents...but that too
goes with what I was saying...

Basically there is a natural way of everything developing.

In your parents case, the actual time it took for their
relationship to develop into a commitment of marriage
was quite short by "normal standards", however, to them
it was a very natural thing...I mean they did get married, and
they're still together...so obviously, they did let things go
naturally...

The problem is when the issue is forced...that's when it's bad.

In life, relationships, and even dancing...just don't force it,
let it come naturally...even if it means that it happens quickly
or never happens at all...
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#12
Sorry to disappoint you,dancergal, but I'm a hopeless romantic, and I do believe in love at first sight. But no marriage without at least one date! That's what went wrong with SD. Not the absense of bling-bling. No bling-bling required. But I have to have at least one date. :lol:

And, since we're actually supposed to be talking about salsa, and maybe other forms of dance, I have to agree with salsarhythms. There are some moves I feel comfortable doing with friends, but I wouldn't even attempt with a stranger. How do I know the stranger's not going to drop me? Or feel me up? Or SHOW me up? Or criticize me? It takes time to develop trust.
 
#13
I agree. Nothing worse than being pushed/thrown into some acrobatic moves you are not prepared for!
I used to run away from these guys as soon as the dance ended (& stayed away) :shock: But now I tried to make conversations with them and found that most of them arn't AWARE that they are doing it....they are just 'pattern dancers'!

To you, Fernando. Thanks for the fantastic analogy....! :bouncy:

We need to make sure EVERYONE gets to read it!
 
#14
Think I will fall in with an appreciating comment here too.

Great stuff again and with a fine analogy.

Another of the articles that let you think things over, evaluating yourself.

:notworth: :notworth: :notworth:
 
#16
It is also forming that trust/chemistry in order for him to take liberties with my arms :lol: With some people I am dancing with for the first time, I can feel that trust/chemistry is there from the second beat, with others it takes a bit longer.
 
#17
salsarhythms said:
Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...

But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
after the first date is a bit much...

What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?

Before getting into that, let me say this.

Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
own pace...everything.

As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...

...Another date

If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
the details of my life...

...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
phone number, or email, or whatever...

The point here is taking it step by step.

This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.

When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...

...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.

You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...

It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
to know someone...it will make things awkward.

After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
to start trying out new things.

But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.

If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.

I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...

...It really didn't look like she was having a good time

This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
not ready for.

Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...

If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.

Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
that the actual time it takes is a short one.

I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
other and really go off...

...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.

It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...

And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.

On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...

So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
don't force someone to commit on your first dance.

You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
Salsarhythms,

That was well written!! I had to remind myself of that last night when I was out dancing. Most of the night, I led pretty well and the women I danced with enjoyed themselves. However, I had one dance with a woman who danced really well. When we danced..I instantly could tell she was bored. I'm pretty basic in salsa dancing. The basic, cross body lead..etc..not a lot of spins and twirls! But, I could tell she was used to be twirled around and I did add a few more spins and twirls(I must admit I haven't got the spinning & twirling down yet). But, it wasn't enough for her and my perfectionist tendencies wanted to take over. Oh, well...I will have to remember your post and realize dance relationships take time! Thx!
 

tsb

Well-Known Member
#18
my parents met on their wedding day. the relationship wasn't always great, but they've been together for over 50 years. another friend will have been happily married to his wife for ten years later this summer. in 1994 he flew back to india, met four women that his family had chosen for him, decided to marry one of them. (note: he had the option to decline to marry should none of them suit his fancy). it seems to me that when you will to love someone, you can.
 
#20
love is something you feel, not something imposed on you (even if you yourself impose it!)... love fulfills our needs and makes us deliriously happy and/or truly sad... love hurts us and takes us to heaven... !

LOVE must be felt!
 

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