Your Ideal...cont'd

#1
Peaches was asking about one ideals look-wise, what about quality-wise?

I have this incident to share with you. I was in taxi one day and then the driver asked me if I was married or not (it's normal here in Egypt that strangers interfere in your personal life). He said of course you want the rich man like all women of today. So I said, well, not really.

So he then asked me what are the most important qualities for a good husband? So I said someone who is good to me, someone who has principles/ethics and someone who doesn’t have serious bad habits, e.g. womanizer, alcoholic, gambler, etc..

He didn’t agree with me. He said a woman can change the man’s habits, a woman can make a bad man a good one and a good one a bad one.
So I asked him his opinion about the important qualities one should make sure his man has. So he said a good man for marriage has to have two qualities which are generosity and independence. If he’s generous he’ll always give you love and if he’s independent he won’t listen to his mom when she goes against you and he’ll always stand up for you.

What do you think are the most important qualities to look for in a man/woman if you want a long term relationship/marriage/start a family?

I kind of agree with the taxi driver reagrding generousity and independence, but I don't believe that a woman/man can change a man/woman. What are your experiences?
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
#2
Shooshoo said:
Peaches was asking about one ideals look-wise, what about quality-wise?

I have this incident to share with you. I was in taxi one day and then the driver asked me if I was married or not (it's normal here in Egypt that strangers interfere in your personal life). He said of course you want the rich man like all women of today. So I said, well, not really.

So he then asked me what are the most important qualities for a good husband? So I said someone who is good to me, someone who has principles/ethics and someone who doesn’t have serious bad habits, e.g. womanizer, alcoholic, gambler, etc..

He didn’t agree with me. He said a woman can change the man’s habits, a woman can make a bad man a good one and a good one a bad one.
So I asked him his opinion about the important qualities one should make sure his man has. So he said a good man for marriage has to have two qualities which are generosity and independence. If he’s generous he’ll always give you love and if he’s independent he won’t listen to his mom when she goes against you and he’ll always stand up for you.

What do you think are the most important qualities to look for in a man/woman if you want a long term relationship/marriage/start a family?

I kind of agree with the taxi driver reagrding generousity and independence, but I don't believe that a woman/man can change a man/woman. What are your experiences?
I think the law of unintended consequences applies here: so in my case I have become bitter and twisted from my personal experiences of failed relationships and I am deeply cynical. So women have changed me.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#3
Shooshoo said:
Peaches was asking about one ideals look-wise, what about quality-wise?

I have this incident to share with you. I was in taxi one day and then the driver asked me if I was married or not (it's normal here in Egypt that strangers interfere in your personal life). He said of course you want the rich man like all women of today. So I said, well, not really.

So he then asked me what are the most important qualities for a good husband? So I said someone who is good to me, someone who has principles/ethics and someone who doesn’t have serious bad habits, e.g. womanizer, alcoholic, gambler, etc..

He didn’t agree with me. He said a woman can change the man’s habits, a woman can make a bad man a good one and a good one a bad one.
So I asked him his opinion about the important qualities one should make sure his man has. So he said a good man for marriage has to have two qualities which are generosity and independence. If he’s generous he’ll always give you love and if he’s independent he won’t listen to his mom when she goes against you and he’ll always stand up for you.

What do you think are the most important qualities to look for in a man/woman if you want a long term relationship/marriage/start a family?

I kind of agree with the taxi driver reagrding generousity and independence, but I don't believe that a woman/man can change a man/woman. What are your experiences?
shoo shoo..IMO a woman should never go in with that intent...people can change b/c they desire or love a person enough to but it should never be one's hope...you should pick someone whom you can take "AS IS" b/c it is actually in accepting them that way that they feel free enough to change...regarding qualities...I did as well as any woman can and I would say am man must be secure within himself to be content with someone else, especially just ONE someone else for the rest of his life9and to survive some of the attempts to modify him that will invariably come...lol)....he must also be...ya know...really thats all...b/c from that is a lack of self-absorption and all of the other vices that make it impossible to be sturdy enough and expansive enough to put oneslef second or third or fourth....
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#4
bordertangoman said:
I think the law of unintended consequences applies here: so in my case I have become bitter and twisted from my personal experiences of failed relationships and I am deeply cynical. So women have changed me.
hmmm, are you going to let them have that kind of victory????/:(
 
#5
bordertangoman said:
I think the law of unintended consequences applies here: so in my case I have become bitter and twisted from my personal experiences of failed relationships and I am deeply cynical. So women have changed me.
I think we all men and women have developed some bitterness from the opposite sex because of some disappointment. I have definately developed bitterness, but I work on not being twisted. Hopefully I'll work on the bitterness one day.
 
#6
fascination said:
shoo shoo..IMO a woman should never go in with that intent...people can change b/c they desire or love a person enough to but it should never be one's hope...you should pick someone whom you can take "AS IS" b/c it is actually in accepting them that way that they feel free enough to change...regarding qualities...I did as well as any woman can and I would say am man must be secure within himself to be content with someone else, especially just ONE someone else for the rest of his life9and to survive some of the attempts to modify him that will invariably come...lol)....he must also be...ya know...really thats all...b/c from that is a lack of self-absorption and all of the other vices that make it impossible to be sturdy enough and expansive enough to put oneslef second or third or fourth....
I agree with you and I've been applying it all my life, it's just sometimes one has doubts. You also see some exceptions, so you wonder.

fascination said:
....he must also be...ya know...really thats all...b/c from that is a lack
Did you miss a sentence here or should I just read your mind? ;)


What's IMO?
 
#7
ofcourse women can change men.. as men can change women.. as everybody else u deal with by default.. its called life.. although its not noticeable in the short-term but in the longer terms if you reflect on yourself well enough.. the difference is in the degree of such effects and the balance and the direction and that is up to the individuals dealing with one another in a particular setting regardless of gender.. and the kind of relationshhip be it marriage, business, acquaintance, friendship etc.. and who affects the other more or less in any given relationship..

PS. shooshoo.. perhaps the cab driver wanted to propose eh? woohoo LOL!

bordertangoman.. i can definitely relate.. and all it took was just one lady..
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#8
Shooshoo said:
Did you miss a sentence here or should I just read your mind? ;)


What's IMO?
what I did was stop mid sentance and say that that is really all...good sense of self b/c from that flows all the other stuff that I think is important ....and which is impossible without a good sense of self...ie, people cannot be unselfish unless they are secure enough, and people cannot be faithful unless they are secure enough, and people cannot be forgiving and thoughtful, unless they are secure enough...that is all and is certainly only my opinion
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#11
that helps too...but remember this, my husband was an unemployed unpromising former bus boy when I married him...and now he's a patent attorney....
 
#12
fascination said:
people cannot be unselfish unless they are secure enough, and people cannot be faithful unless they are secure enough, and people cannot be forgiving and thoughtful, unless they are secure enough...that is all and is certainly only my opinion
I think you've explained this clearly and correctly. I totally agree.

So in the end one need to find someone who is secure, cause unselfish, faithful, forgiving, and thoughtful are qualities one would like in his partner.
 
#13
Shooshoo said:
So in the end one need to find someone who is secure, cause unselfish, faithful, forgiving, and thoughtful are qualities one would like in his partner.
I think that about sums up what I look for in people. I don't look for an ability to provide financially. I'm a big girl, I can provide for my needs, and I think that expectation puts a lot of stress on a relationship. I do, however, avoid lazy people. I think the qualities you noted are crucial, tho, for both people involved in the relationship... not just the gentleman.
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
#15
fascination said:
hmmm, are you going to let them have that kind of victory????/:(

I don't think its a victory for anyone. Its part of a larger problem; that men's roles in society are ill defined and have been eroded by feminist rant.

I would refer anyone interested to read Sauan Faludi's book 'stiffed' and Anthony Clare's book 'On Men: masculinity in crisis'

ALthough I am reluctant to making sweeping generalisitions; but there is a disparity between what women say they want and want they actually want.

I watched Moulin Rouge last night. I was unconvinced by the love story plot; who is more right or suffers more; the Duke who has lost his courtesan; the jealous spurned and impoverished boheme. Nicole Kidman is beautiful but I wasn't sure why she fell in love with Ewan McGregor
 
#18
motardmom said:
I don't look for an ability to provide financially.
That's not a criteria for my selection either, but I do expect him to take care of me financially (and I him), just like I expect him to take care of me in other aspects, doesn't matter if it's little or much.
 
#20
bordertangoman said:
I think the law of unintended consequences applies here: so in my case I have become bitter and twisted from my personal experiences of failed relationships and I am deeply cynical. So women have changed me.

and then you blame 'the feminists?' that's hilarious.
 

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