You've Got the Digits, Now What?

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#21
Yes. Recently. And only because it happened to be true. He didn't take it well. :(

:lol: :lol: I shoulda told him it wasn't me, it was him. Then at least he would have had an excuse to get really ticked off. :lol:
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#22
lynn said:
just say you're busy - the universal "put him down gently" excuse, @ least that's what i use.....
Talk about dancing and how your schedule is filled with dancing. That will put him off as he doesn't like dancing.
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#23
jon said:
Purr said:
How do I gracefully tell the guy that I don't want to go out with him again?
If by "gracefully" you mean "tell him without actually being specific or saying anything that makes me feel bad", you can't. There's no way to reject someone "gracefully". Just call him and tell him, in words of 1-2 syllables, that you aren't interested and don't want to follow up. That's a lot better, from the guy perspective, than failing to return calls or making pleas about being "too busy".
True. I'll agree with that from the guy's perspective.
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#24
lynn said:
i wonder if anyone's brave enough to be direct?? i've always heard that honesty is the best policy but do you REALLY want to be honest in this kind of situation??

i guess a question we have to ask ourselves is that how we'd like to be treated in this kind of situation. i've had guys telling me that they'd prefer the girl to tell them the truth while the others would prefer the gentler approach: not returning phone calls..etc
I have been direct. Tears, really upset etc which make sit tough, but in the long run worth it, as that upset period was only a short teeny little time in the whole grand scheme of things.
 
#25
Sagitta said:
lynn said:
just say you're busy - the universal "put him down gently" excuse, @ least that's what i use.....
Talk about dancing and how your schedule is filled with dancing. That will put him off as he doesn't like dancing.
what if you get the response "i'll go with you"??
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#26
lynn said:
Sagitta said:
lynn said:
just say you're busy - the universal "put him down gently" excuse, @ least that's what i use.....
Talk about dancing and how your schedule is filled with dancing. That will put him off as he doesn't like dancing.
what if you get the response "i'll go with you"??
Say, "Sure, but I don't spend much time sitting around. I enjoy dancing with everyone there." Then make sure you do that. :wink: :twisted:
 
#27
Sagitta said:
I have been direct. Tears, really upset etc which make sit tough, but in the long run worth it, as that upset period was only a short teeny little time in the whole grand scheme of things.
i think that just goes to show the difference between men & women. guys like the direct approach (as i'm told MANY times), whereas women prefer the nicer/gentle approach (which, i hope guys can appreciate, is why we find it so hard to pick up the phone and say "i'm not interested" - b/c we don't want to be told that!)
 
#30
oops, sorry, maybe i phrased it the wrong way, i meant be nicer, possibly not the "i'm not interested" per se. I find when guys try to be "direct", they're REALLY direct...
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#31
lynn said:
oops, sorry, maybe i phrased it the wrong way, i meant be nicer, possibly not the "i'm not interested" per se. I find when guys try to be "direct", they're REALLY direct...
Even that's better than beating around the bush, IMO. A little diplomacy's always a nice thing. But, if he's got something to say, please, just let him say it and get it over with. But that's just me. 8)
 
#32
i know that's supposed to be the RIGHT approach, but honestly, i think women get a whole lot more emotional when it comes to the "reject" thing. o.k., i really haven't been in the relationship scheme long enough to earn my right to comment on this subject.
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#33
lynn said:
oops, sorry, maybe i phrased it the wrong way, i meant be nicer, possibly not the "i'm not interested" per se. I find when guys try to be "direct", they're REALLY direct...
I did that. How can you think of me any other way!! :shock:

I told the person while we matched on so many levels (how I liked her and enjoyed doing this and that with her...), I didn't find that extra something there. That maybe it was me, perhaps I was being unrealistic, but I simply wanted to hold out for that. When you fall in love and it isn't reciprocated there is no way that one can simply shut it off when the other party indicates they don't feel the same way. It's not like water from a tap!!

By the way we still do lots of things together...we are very good friends. :wink: :D
 
#34
Sagitta, how could you even think that i would ever doubt you :shock: :twisted: !!! maybe i just heard too many of the breakup horror stories (ometimes guys get defensive and totally blame it on the girl - yep, had that happen to a couple of girlfriends)
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#35
lynn said:
i know that's supposed to be the RIGHT approach, but honestly, i think women get a whole lot more emotional when it comes to the "reject" thing. o.k., i really haven't been in the relationship scheme long enough to earn my right to comment on this subject.
Only if it comes as a shock, in my experience. If I've seen it coming, I'm sort of mentally braced for it. You take the rejection, walk away with your head held high, and let the emotions flow later. Never let 'em see you sweat. :wink: 8)

It's much better to know, IMO, emotional or not. 8)
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#36
lynn said:
Sagitta, how could you even think that i would ever doubt you :shock: :twisted: !!! maybe i just heard too many of the breakup horror stories (ometimes guys get defensive and totally blame it on the girl - yep, had that happen to a couple of girlfriends)
Phew. Something hapened once on df with a dancing friend of mine and people were all over me. By the way for those of you who remmeber that this also turned out well, and I believe I now have a place to stay if i come up Washington way. :D
 
#37
pygmalion said:
Only if it comes as a shock, in my experience. If I've seen it coming, I'm sort of mentally braced for it. You take the rejection, walk away with your head held high, and let the emotions flow later. Never let 'em see you sweat. :wink: 8)

It's much better to know, IMO, emotional or not. 8)
you're brave!!
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#38
lynn said:
pygmalion said:
Only if it comes as a shock, in my experience. If I've seen it coming, I'm sort of mentally braced for it. You take the rejection, walk away with your head held high, and let the emotions flow later. Never let 'em see you sweat. :wink: 8)

It's much better to know, IMO, emotional or not. 8)
you're brave!!
Thank you. :D It comes with experience. What's that old definition of courage? Something about doing what needs to be done, even in the face of fear? The older I get, the more I realize that hiding out is no way to deal with life. When you hide, your spirit shrinks and the bad guys win, IMO. Just step up to the plate and take whatever comes your way. Even if it hurts like crazy today, it's much better for you in the long run. But that's my way of looking at it. 8) :D
 

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