Question to pro-am dancers

T

tanya_the_dancer

Well-Known Member
Just a bit of background: I compete pro-am. I am also married and have been dancing socially with my husband and we were taking lessons together sometimes. I know I have improved in my dancing, however, my husband now complains that I became harder to dance with. He claims that is because I'm used to dancing with my pro. I am just wondering if anyone else who competes pro-am has received similar comment from their spouse/so or other people with whom you dance but do not compete.
 
my husband thinks it is easier to dance with me now that I have taken so many more lessons than he...but then I dont dance with him as if he were my pro...admittedly, he feels some inadequecy...which I quiclky assure him shouldn't be there...
 
mamboqueen said:
Well, what does he mean by "harder?" What is different to him?
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He says I move differently now. I don't want to discuss this with him anymore, though, because these conversations turn into "this is all your fault" arguments. I was just surprised by this effect, though, because I thought getting better at dancing will make it easier for anyone to dance with me. Apparently not.
 
tanya_the_dancer said:
He says I move differently now. I don't want to discuss this with him anymore, though, because these conversations turn into "this is all your fault" arguments. I was just surprised by this effect, though, because I thought getting better at dancing will make it easier for anyone to dance with me. Apparently not.
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I can confirm that things like that are possible.
I know one girl who was really fun to dance with some time ago. Both of us had only a minimal amount of instruction in swing or lindy, and both of us had a background in different other dances, and she was a really light follow. Now, after she took some lindy classes, things changed noticeably. It feels like she is expecting me to lead some moves in a very certain way and because of this tension it's harder to relax and just dance.
 
Larinda McRaven said:
If it becomes too big of a burden then the one good answer (and any honest teacher will agree to this) is that the couple only dance with each other and not do any single lessons. That is the only way for everyone to stay as "level and equal" as possible. This is unfortunate because it tends to stifle each persons ability to grow and flourish in their own way.
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I have a feeling that this is what my husband would like to do. That we dance only with each other and try to stay as equal as possible. I have a huge problem with this because I would like to advance as far as I can and I know I will not be able to with this setup. And so far I have refused to do so.

Larinda McRaven said:
The best thing would be for everyone to accept each others strengths and weaknesses and enjoy the growth process for all.
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One of our problems we've always had since we started dancing together is that our mistakes tend to magnify each other's problems. You know sometimes one person will make a mistake and another person will make a different mistake, but they will somehow cancel out. In our case it has always been that my mistakes would make his problems worse and vice versa. And of course this always leads to "this is all your fault" arguments.
 
Both of us had only a minimal amount of instruction in swing or lindy, and both of us had a background in different other dances, and she was a really light follow. Now, after she took some lindy classes, things changed noticeably.
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I think a certain amount of pressure comes from knowing more what you're doing. My husband and I never have more fun dancing than when we're screwing around with something we saw on tv that we know we are completely incapable of. Because we aren't focused at all on doing it "right." Stuff we know we can do well, we get frustrated with ourselves if we don't. If we don't know what we're doing, then the resulting mess we make is perfectly ok.
 
tanya_the_dancer said:
I have a feeling that this is what my husband would like to do. That we dance only with each other and try to stay as equal as possible. I have a huge problem with this because I would like to advance as far as I can and I know I will not be able to with this setup. And so far I have refused to do so.
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This is easily accomplished. Either he takes lessons or you stop them.
 
saludas said:
This is easily accomplished. Either he takes lessons or you stop them.
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I dunno. See, he wants dancing to be all about us, something we do as a married couple. I never saw it this way, at least I did not see it as our effort as a couple. It was more about me and how can I get better and what can I achieve.
 
tanya_the_dancer said:
I dunno. See, he wants dancing to be all about us, something we do as a married couple. I never saw it this way, at least I did not see it as our effort as a couple. It was more about me and how can I get better and what can I achieve.
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BTW, I am not a psychiatrist, but I do enjoy making fun of them....

Anyway, here's one possible scenario:

Couples grow apart for many reasons - interests, friends, even education (as it seems to be doing to you here). Because you are the more educated in this area, you're chafing at the prospect of spending your time 'dancing down' and apparently he does not want to put in the effort or time to get better. You have few options,if he is not willing or able to support you in your pursuit of quality; in essence, he is making this an issue that needs attention if you want to continue your relationship. Really, this is not a problem if he is 'man enough' to see your needs and wants, and will support you. If he has issues with them, look to the future - do you really want to spend the next 10 or 20 years with this conflict separating you two? Because dance quality is addictive - once you start getting better, you'll be very unsatisfied with less than your best.
 
Hmmmm.... that scares me a bit. I think you might be headed down a rather tough path if you can't find a happy medium (I wish I had your problem - my husband won't dance at all). Do you not enjoy dancing with your husband?
 
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