Ethics and Switching Partners

Do you think it is ethical to have a try-out with somebody who's better (than your current partner) while still you are still officially "in-partnership"?
WITHOUT telling your partner?

A common situation I've seen too often among COMPETITIVE dancers.



Your thoughts?



m

hmmm...I don't think I would "officially" conduct a try-out without at least having had conversations with the current partner about misgivings and wondering about the future of the partnership ...but I might put myself in a position to dance with that other person and then inquire as to their level of interest in pursuing the possibility....but that's just my gut reaction and logic tells me that there isn't one pat answer for this...it can depend upon the level of notoriety that one has...i.e. Is it even possible for that person to move around in the dance world discreetly? etc....and/or has the current partner been doing things that so obviously undermine the partnership and indicate a lack of committment that looking elsewhere would merely be a reciprocal sort of response?(not to rationalize)...I dunno...I would tend to be willing to shoot myself in the foot by telling the current partner that I wanted to look around and why, instead of having to live with potentially hurting or angering them later b/c they felt I hadn't been honest....I hope folks who have had to do this chime in...I hope I actually have this problem some day

I would let them know for the simple reason I would think of them as a friend. Anyone that I would spend that much time with and interest deserves the respect of honesty.

ssjss said:

I would let them know for the simple reason I would think of them as a friend. Anyone that I would spend that much time with and interest deserves the respect of honesty.

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I love your answer but I see lots of partnerships in which the two are not friends

Yeah but for me, I'm alittle too headstrong to be around someone that I can't get along with. I start to throw matches at there powder kage so to speak.

I've known dancers (both men and women) whose competitiveness gets the better of them so much that they are looking for the next partner the moment they hook up with one.

The rationale being: why would I want to stay with X if I can do better with Y?

All in the name of winning...

m

If you're in it to win and so is your partner, than it should be understood that you might leave for a better oppertunity. If the get upset about it if your honest, than they're being a bad sport. But if you twist the truth and make false promises, yeah I can understand them gett'in upset. It's like any relationship IMO, be honest and enjoy the time, but remember that tomorrow is never promised.

madmaximus said:

I've known dancers (both men and women) whose competitiveness gets the better of them so much that they are looking for the next partner the moment they hook up with one.

The rationale being: why would I want to stay with X if I can do better with Y?

All in the name of winning...

m

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I don't know how that works in the world of dancing...I would love to hear thoughts on that...I am very competititve, but not that competitive...If I found an Am partner that I loved dancing with and we were able to do well...I think I would resist the urge to spend to much time wondering if it would be better with someone else...sort of like in a marriage, I would think it wouldn't serve the interest of the current union...but ya know I am not doing it for a living and I guess if I were a pro I might look at it very differently...in fact I could see myself looking at it differently particularly if the current dynamic wasn't meshing

Wow. this all reminds me of Strictly Ballroom. Tina Sparkle. Hilarious. Well I know it's not hilarious, but the movie makes me giggle.

ssjss said:

If you're in it to win and so is your partner, than it should be understood that you might leave for a better oppertunity. If the get upset about it if your honest, than they're being a bad sport. But if you twist the truth and make false promises, yeah I can understand them gett'in upset. It's like any relationship IMO, be honest and enjoy the time, but remember that tomorrow is never promised.

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I agree with you.

I guess it's more difficult in dance cause you have one single partner. I remember this kind of situation while playing in a basketball team. We used to be a very close team and then one of the close players made a deal to go to another team without telling us. She told us after it was done. Ethical or not, it broke our heart and we are hardly friends any longer. If she had told us from the beginning, I think then even if we felt bad, we had no right to blame her.

madmaximus said:

I've known dancers (both men and women) whose competitiveness gets the better of them so much that they are looking for the next partner the moment they hook up with one.

The rationale being: why would I want to stay with X if I can do better with Y?

All in the name of winning...

m

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It seems to me that if you know your partner is the kind of person who would try out with someone else behind your back (say, for instance, this is how you got together in the first place), then it would be hard to put all your trust in that person, because if they found someone better, they'd leave in a second. In the meantime, you're both supposed to be putting in your best effort, contributing time, money, etc. into the partnership. As always, depends on the situation - but I could see how having a reputation for always dropping one partner for a better one could backfire and undermine the current partnership as well ...

i think an important question is: how much does trust matter to the two people involved?

madmaximus said:

I've known dancers (both men and women) whose competitiveness gets the better of them so much that they are looking for the next partner the moment they hook up with one.

The rationale being: why would I want to stay with X if I can do better with Y?

All in the name of winning...

m

Click to expand...

Very timely question...

If you find out that a friend's partner is trying out with potential partners behind his/her back, do you tell him/her?

My coach has a rule of partner searching:

Everyone always want a partner better than himself or herself.

The corollary is that everyone is always looking for a better partner (of course, some people are stuck with who they have, e.g. if they're married).

Now, is it ethical to have tryouts without telling your partner? That depends on your own personal sense of ethics, of course. As mentioned previously, some people are so competitive that they don't give a damn. On the other hand, some people are too sensitive for their own good.

If out of the blue a national champion dancer lost her partner and decided she wanted to dance with me ("Pam Short's broken both her legs and I wanna dance with you." ), and I her, I would hope that my partner would understand and be happy for me to have the opportunity.

I think a simple, unofficial tryout is harmless enough. I don't think it's necessary to tell your current partner, unless your tryout will be viewed by other people as well, in which case it will eventually reach your partner's ears.
On the other hand, if you're eager to tryout with other people, you're probably not happy and satisfied in your partnership. So tryouts or no tryouts, a talk with your partner is in order so as to see if you're still able to wrok together.

T_E

I think it just depends on whether you are more comfortable telling your partner or keeping it to yourself. Non-spouse dance partnerships have a lot in common with dating, as far as I can tell, and provided you don't lie to any of the parties involved by misleading them into thinking that your relationship is exclusive, there is nothing unethical about dating more than one person at a time or starting to date one person before breaking up with another.

Some people might mistake dance partnerships for exclusive relationships just because neither partner has time to dance with someone else.

When one partner develops and becomes significantly better then the other, this will be quite of a recource of frustration for the better one. If the partner can't follow, they should split.
But it's a question of mutual respect to talk about "try-out's" before. It's at least a chance for the one, who got "stucked", to improve.