Why do committed men dance socially?

Dare I say that if you're married, "falling in love every so often" probably isn't a *good* thing.

If you're able to have a good relationship with your wife, then I shouldn't see any problem if one of you wants to go out and dance socially on occasion. Hopefully you have enough other things that you can enjoy together.

If you're able to social dance without acting on any physical attraction you might have towards another, then I don't really see where the problem is.

aaah, I was in that situation, but with a slight difference. I was learning and I went into it unable to imagine even wanting to dance with anyone except my wife. We were doing classes and still hadn't felt ready to go out except for a few times, but as she was growing to hate me more and more (for what reason I still do not know, since she refused to ever tell me), she suddenly refused to go to the classes anymore because that was the only chance I still had to hold her. So my Lindy training had advanced to the point where I had to go out dancing in order to further my training. So I did with the hopes and plans that she would eventually work out whatever her problem was and I would not have forgotten everything while waiting for that to happen. And I made many friends along the way and enjoyed the company of many women, but my romantic asperations were reserved for just that one woman. Who later divorced me, again giving no reason.

So love all the women you meet, as friends, and keep that special relationship for that one special lady.

falling in love is generally falling in love with a fantasy rather than a reality...and rest assured, it would eventually mellow...there is alot to be said for putting up with one's emotions rather than acting upon them...and trust me, I do not mean that to sound easy or trite only it is just that simple and just that hard...if you find it too much to bear you had better think very very hard about what you want to keep...and happy dancing, I hope

and welcome to DF

You don't say what kind of dancing you do or how often, in what contexts, etc. But one solution might be to ramp up your training, practicing, and the technical demands you are putting on yourself. I find that, the more I am thinking about my dancing as dancing, the less I think of it as anything else.

Actually, as a married man, you'd make a good partner for a single or married woman. It can be hard to find partners who just want to be dance partners and not get romantic. Just pick someone you're not attracted to as a dance partner and you'll be fine!

aaah said:

I ask the question. Why do men in a committed relationship dance socially?

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"Because I'm married but I ain't dead!"

Seriously: I personally think it is important for the socialization and mental sanity of marrieds to continue to interact with members of the opposite sex, so as not to lose track of why we married our spouses in the first place. If one forgets to notice attractive members of the opposite sex, then one will eventually forget to keep doing maintenance on one's own attractiveness. Then one's partner no longer finds one attractive. That, of course, is bad.

The question since time immemorial has always been: how do you do this? I have a personal theory that dancing was invented to be a socaially acceptable means by which members of the opposite sex could interact and express their appreciation of one another, without it leading to romantic complications. The whole deal is: I dance with a pretty woman. At the end of it, I think "hmm, that was nice". Then I move on to the next dance. By the end of the night, I've danced with and appreciated with a lot of women. When I go home, I probably don't remember most of it in any detail. But I do retain the general feeling. And I express it towards my spouse, so to speak. It's kind of like charging a battery. It makes me a better romantic partner.

That's the really neat thing about dancing. It both improves my marriage, and my social life, and it does it in a way that isn't threatening and doesn't lead to temptation or consequences. Not to mention the benefits in terms of physical conditioning, flexibility, aerobic, balance, mental sharpness, etc.

Good post cornutt. You sound like a great DH!

delamusica said:

Good post cornutt. You sound like a great DH!

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Thank you. I try. I don't always live up to my own standards, but I try.

DWise1 said:

We were doing classes and still hadn't felt ready to go out except for a few times, but as she was growing to hate me more and more (for what reason I still do not know, since she refused to ever tell me), she suddenly refused to go to the classes anymore because that was the only chance I still had to hold her. ..

So love all the women you meet, as friends, and keep that special relationship for that one special lady.

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Sorry to hear about your wife. I may have been heading there myself once.

Luckily, my wife is very supporting and loving towards me in all that I do. Guess we sometimes don't appreciate what we have until we don't have it. If I can't make it with her, I don't think I would ever marry again.

She knows I love the dance and is in favor of it so long as it does not draw us apart. When I question giving up dancing she encourages me to continue.



Thanks.

cornutt said:

If one forgets to notice attractive members of the opposite sex, then one will eventually forget to keep doing maintenance on one's own attractiveness. Then one's partner no longer finds one attractive....

That's the really neat thing about dancing. It both improves my marriage, and my social life, and it does it in a way that isn't threatening and doesn't lead to temptation or consequences. Not to mention the benefits in terms of physical conditioning, flexibility, aerobic, balance, mental sharpness, etc.

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Hear Hear. I have gotten into lean shape because of dancing. I do basics on about 16 dances concentrating lately on Salsa, lindy, West coast and AT.
I feel positive about myself, bought a black convertible and listen to a wide variety of old and new music.

Recently an attractive young lady I dance with occasionally asked me to be her partner at an event. I did'nt answer her but later told my wife about it.

At the next event, I may talk to her and see if she is willing to accept me as a partner friend despite my married status. We do dance well together and have alot of fun.

fascination said:

falling in love is generally falling in love with a fantasy rather than a reality...and rest assured, it would eventually mellow...

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I concur, most " I love this new woman " episodes last a few days or weeks, I just wait them out. One episode did last several months. Luckily or wisely I have not acted on these impulses but keep it platonic. Thanks

waltzgirl said:

You don't say what kind of dancing you do or how often, in what contexts, etc. But one solution might be to ramp up your training, practicing, and the technical demands you are putting on yourself. I find that, the more I am thinking about my dancing as dancing, the less I think of it as anything else.

Actually, as a married man, you'd make a good partner for a single or married woman. It can be hard to find partners who just want to be dance partners and not get romantic. Just pick someone you're not attracted to as a dance partner and you'll be fine!

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Dear Waltzgirl,
Thanks for the excellent advise! Concentrating on the training may be exactly the thing to do to reduce the sensuality of dancing.

On unattractive partners, Also good advise .. but I'm still just murried not buried. Pretty is okay if just friends.

cornutt said:

I have a personal theory that dancing was invented to be a socaially acceptable means by which members of the opposite sex could interact and express their appreciation of one another, without it leading to romantic complications.

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for a married couple it beats swinging (wink)

It's always a guy asking these things, and I"m always on late at night when my serotonin levels are low and I'm pissed about something else. I should know better than to read these posts.

People dance socially because they don't equate dancing with sex ... this makes me not even WANT to dance with anybody else if this is what goes through people's heads.

SO not coming back to this thread. Ugh. I can't believe I clicked on another one.