Why glare at the follow?

I'm pretty sure that this is just venting, but out dancing last night at a fairly crowded club, it was obviously a time to be respectful and observe others' dance space...for example, big showy combinations that require about 4 couples' worth of slots were probably inappropriate and dangerous...unfortunately, I'm thinking one couple missed the memo.

As I was dancing next to them, I was led into a cbl with a turn , and as I was about to finish it, my elbow and shoulder ran into the lead from the other couple. I of course looked at him surprised and with my usual apologetic face, and was so ticked off to see him shooting me a nasty glare! Ouch! A few songs later, when dancing in a very tight slot in the middle of the floor, my lead bumped into another lead as they both stepped back. As the other couple turned, I made eye contact with the other lead only to find him glaring at me.

So let's review. If i'm respecting my slot with tight footwork, and following as I'm led, how do I deserve such nasty looks!? Thankfully, it was a great night of dancing in spite of those creeps.

Maybe you just have one of those faces that invokes angry looks. Kidding, of course... Seriously, I don't know... the amount of jerks out there will yield odds in favor of getting looks like this, even if you did nothing wrong.

However, the first case your lead led you into a couple. Yes, it was crowded. Yes, the other couple had huge space issues. But still, your lead should be more careful. The other time, your lead stepped back when he was not as aware of his space as he should have been. So I'd lay some of the blame on him. Leads should always take care of their girls, no matter what. Don't sweat it though.

Maybe the hostile glare was intended for the lead you were with?

Josh said:

Maybe you just have one of those faces that invokes angry looks.

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Funny.

Seriously, instead of thinking how "unfair" this situation is, take it as it is: the guy is obviously an idiot and an ******* on the top of it. So look at him like you know it.

Catarina said:

If i'm respecting my slot with tight footwork, and following as I'm led, how do I deserve such nasty looks!?

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Forget the "if"!
Accidents happen, and usually you can make a case for either couple (more specifically, either lead or follow) having caused the collision. I don't think there is any reason for a "nasty look" after one minor collision.

If you're dancing next to another couple and colliding every few beats, then perhaps somebody needs to apologise (but I would never try to say who, because repeated collisions means neither couple has adjusted).

From your description, it appears to me that the other lead moved into your slot, so it's his problem, not yours.

Your fault, of course, was making a guy look bad -- you should never make a guy look bad.

timbp said:

Forget the "if"!
Accidents happen, and usually you can make a case for either couple (more specifically, either lead or follow) having caused the collision. I don't think there is any reason for a "nasty look" after one minor collision.

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I agree with you. But some people are just too full of themselves and nasty. I remember I got one of those 'glares' one when I got bumped into a couple. It's was my lead's fault, so I stopped the dance to apologize and the girl gave me that 'glare'. So my lead (one of the good dancers) blew her a kiss, then she was happy and smiling.

I've given glares to other couples while leading my students. I'm new to leading, they're new to following, and at some point someone decides to do a triple spin/cool move right in front of us and we naturally bump into them because my students can't follow a CBL yet so I can't get them out of the way!
Glares are usually against the lead. Or a really sloppy follow. And sometimes the one who gives the glare might just be angry that s/he bumped into you or something. Might have nothing to do with you at all!

T_E

Josh said:

Maybe you just have one of those faces that invokes angry looks.

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haha. I'm sure I could try to stop rolling my eyes at people, and I'd get more smiles than angry looks...I'll work on that next time.

Catarina said:

So let's review. If i'm respecting my slot with tight footwork, and following as I'm led, how do I deserve such nasty looks!?

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I suspect the other couple doesn't usually know whose fault it was (the lead or the follow), because they are concentrating on their own dance. All they know is they got bumped in the head (or whatever). And if somebody's styling elbow smashes you in the shoulder, it's only natural to look at the styler first rather than at her partner.

But anyway, I don't think this is always a clear matter of 'somebody's fault.' Life isn't perfect, and slots move around and overlap sometimes: you think they're in your slot, but they think you're in theirs!

Of course it's better if everyone tries to be friendly about it.

Yes, I fully agree with being friendly.

And then I get on the packed dance floor and I have my nice dance sandals and a short skirt, and I am doing a simple CBL inside turn - next thing I know, this girl loses her balance and steps on my foot with her extremely high heel. My next stop is in the rest room, trying to clean my blood off my foot and hoping nothing's really damaged, given that I have a show next week.

Come on - girls lose their balance on the easiest of turns yet guys insist to put them through double spins. People step on their heels and have no sense of the dance floor and I'm supposed to be nice about it. Most of the time, they don't even apologise for bumping into you.

Nobody's perfect, but a little respect for those around you is always welcome!

I don't think you need to worry about the glares. It just shows that the glarer was not in a happy place. Don't let it spread! Stay happy! Keep dancing!

If you didn't get what the glare was for then either (1) you did nothing wrong or (2) you did something wrong but are not yet at the level to understand what. Either way there's nothing you should be expected to do about it.

Nobody gets a glare off me except a repeat offender.

timbp said:

If you're dancing next to another couple and colliding every few beats, then perhaps somebody needs to apologise (but I would never try to say who, because repeated collisions means neither couple has adjusted).

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While I certainly agree that apologies are in order, I'm in disagreement with the parenthetical portion of your statement. In my experience, one can spend an entire dance moving away from and dodging uncontrolled dancers in the futile attempt to not be injured by said. My partner and I have sometimes spent the better part of a dance merely stepping in place, specifically to ensure that we are not inadvertently steering ourselves into anyone else's path--to no avail. Some dancers are actually just that inconsiderate/lacking in floorcraft and etiquette, and I see no problem with assigning blame accordingly.

I have found that glaring has little to no effect on repeat offenders, though, and generally makes the glarer look like a grade-A meany. If it is impossible to simply avoid someone who is wreaking dance floor havoc, then I approach the person/couple in question and say, "Would you please dance a little smaller? You are injuring/hurting me and others around you. Thank you!" I've had fairly mixed responses to this tactic, but most people will actually do as asked--even if they bluster and look peeved initially. Better they think that I'm a pain in the tuches, though, than that they continue to do damage unchecked. If I--Heaven forfend!--step on/bump into someone, no matter how minimal I may feel the occurrence is I always apologise, even when my lead has backed me into someone. I am also careful to avoid repeating the offense...'cause nothing says sincerity like staying off of the neighbor's toes and heels. :mrgreen:

timbp said:

Your fault, of course, was making a guy look bad -- you should never make a guy look bad.

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To this I say: Ahahahahahahahahahaha!

squirrel said:

And then I get on the packed dance floor and I have my nice dance sandals and a short skirt, and I am doing a simple CBL inside turn - next thing I know, this girl loses her balance and steps on my foot with her extremely high heel. My next stop is in the rest room, trying to clean my blood off my foot and hoping nothing's really damaged, given that I have a show next week.

Come on - girls lose their balance on the easiest of turns yet guys insist to put them through double spins. People step on their heels and have no sense of the dance floor and I'm supposed to be nice about it. Most of the time, they don't even apologise for bumping into you.

Nobody's perfect, but a little respect for those around you is always welcome!

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That is really annoying squirrel

So far I have not been badly injured... yet. I did fall to my knees and whack my kneecaps pretty badly once - it was just a CBL, but the girl next to me stuck her leg into my slot (I think it was a dip) and tripped me. I was annoyed (but she probably thought I CBLed into her dip! lol - actually I'm not sure she noticed).

But I am sure I have done something just as annoying to somebody else another time, without even realizing it. I am pretty sure I have been the irritating arm-styler once or twice when I was too caught up in the rhythm to think about anything else... ...and I was definitely the beginner who couldn't balance on turns for a while (they're getting better but I still regress sometimes)... so I try not to get too upset when I am the one who gets bumped.

Well - it depends on how the other person reacts after hitting you and on how many times they bump into you...