so there is this girl I kind of like :)

Hey Everyone,

How you doing? I thought I would say hi for my first post.

I have just started Salsa classes and am LOVING it! Brilliant. Have received GREAT help and feedback over at salsaforums about dancing.

Cruised over here and saw some dance/relationship style posts so could not help myself.

There is this girl at Salsa, one of the instructors. Young though, about the same age as me I would imagine. Anyway, super sweet smile and just has a nice vibe about her. I loved her style (cool t-shirts and hair) when I first saw her. We usually would smile at each other when passing. *before i knew her or anything. Then, she taught one of my beginner lessons (she usually does advanced) which was cool. So smiles continued. Then we usually (as a group) go out for a drink after class. I have chatted to her then but ONLY as a group or with a couple of people. We have a lot in common, both academic/study and LOVE books.

Anyway, I do sort of like her but I LOVE Salsa. I do not want to ruin that or detract from that for her or I. That said though, I would like to get to know her better. Normally, I would just chat to her and see if she wants to hang out sometime but I am wary of two things in this situation. 1) Mixing Salsa and social life 2) Maybe she has a boyfriend and I do not want to cause issues/drama at class etc.

I have decided just to keep dancing doing my thing. Smile when I see her (cannot really help it, very natural ) and if she asks me to hang out then great.

I am not going to Dancing for dating or anything but on the other hand I would hate to miss out on a wonderful opportunity to get to know a good fun positive person.

Suggestions/comments/similar stories appreciated

Yeah stay cool. It could be that she's just used to smiling warmly at strangers - as a teacher there will be many more people who know her face than she can know back.

It's very common when starting salsa for males to think that female X is hot for him, just because of the increased levels of intimacy in salsa compared to, say, sitting in an office or playing chess... I jokingly tell my beginners that it takes the men weeks to realise it's not all about sex ...

To add to sweavo's point, it's *very* common for beginners (both male and female) to develope a crush on their teachers. For a teacher to fall for a beginner student is a much rarer thing. For them, you are just one of many students they teach.

Keep on dancing. After dancing regularly for months and when you become part of the scene, there may come a point when your teacher starts seeing you as one of her salsa friends rather than her student, and then she may start taking notice of you as a potential date material. But by then it's quite likely that you will have grown out of your crush.

MacMoto said:

Keep on dancing. After dancing regularly for months and when you become part of the scene, there may come a point when your teacher starts seeing you as one of her salsa friends rather than her student, and then she may start taking notice of you as a potential date material. But by then it's quite likely that you will have grown out of your crush.

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Good advice, yes, crushes on instructors, you see it all the time.

My only advice, is to be very very careful about asking advice on matters of the heart.

Seriously dude, only you know the situation, no-one else knows anything about your situation, so don't take anything anyone says here with anything more than a pinch of salt.

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

Good luck, whatever you do, and may you have a happy heart.

THanks for the replies!

An important distinction though that perhaps I did not make clear. She is not MY instructor but is A instructor. She filled in one beginner's class but that was LONG before I had my crush/interest

I hang out with the group after class every week and have chatted to get to know her there but always in a group unfortunately. Would love a chat one on one.

Funny, she was on the front desk tonight. PERFECT opportunity for a one on one chat. Except that HONESTLY in the quiet times when she was not working, there was ALWAYS a guy by her side chatting. The one time it was clear and I went up to say hi, a guy got there first and I felt like I was in a line. I just smiled said see you and left (was leaving anyway but would have loved to chat first).

Why I like her has very little to do with dancing. Liked her on the WAY in to class. She had this awesome shirt on. Very witty and funny. My kind of humour and chatting has reinforced this

Oh well, all good. Loving classes.

Dance about sex??????? I am the opposite actually. I do not know how or why people think it is good for dating. Maybe my personality but I take things passionately. I am so focused on the dance and ESPECIALLY the beautiful music that I do not get to the sex part.

* getting nice compliments about my hip movement and rhythm from people watching and partners though so guess Salsa helps with sex appeal but I am not the kind of guy that turns that into dating etc.

LovingIt28 said:

... Anyway, I do sort of like her but I LOVE Salsa. I do not want to ruin that or detract from that for her or I. That said though, I would like to get to know her better. Normally, I would just chat to her and see if she wants to hang out sometime but I am wary of two things in this situation. 1) Mixing Salsa and social life 2) Maybe she has a boyfriend and I do not want to cause issues/drama at class etc. ...

Suggestions/comments/similar stories appreciated

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Since she is your instructor, and part of the scene, one approach may be to ask her for her suggestions/comments/similar stories, about salsa and relationships, and she may open-up and share with you some of her own personal stories. It would be good to learn, a) whether she would consider dating anyone from the salsa scene, and b) whether she would consider dating a student, even if you are close in age.

p.s. Your sentiment is commendable, in not wanting to detract from your instructor's enjoyment of salsa .

road2graciousness said:

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

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Your question is a recurrent theme on DF, and most of our advice here somewhat contradicts this statement - do listen to us and stay away from your instructor

To support r2g's sentiments, I must say that I've seen relationships like these work out. One of my instructors, who has been dancing since she was 3 (probably early 40's now) who teaches fairly advanced level classes in salsa started going out with one of her students she met in a beginners class. He doesn't even dance much, and doesn't hang out with her in dance socials etc, but they are still together - almost as if it's a relationship with a non-dancing guy. So in spite of most of our collective wisdom about this (that you're probably better off moving on), there is a fringe possibility that it could work. I personally still think that it's probably not a worthwhile effort, esp. if you are growing to like salsa.


<rant>
Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....
</rant>

road2graciousness said:

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

Click to expand...

Ditto quix on this-- take your heart's sentiments with a tiny grain of salt. Listen to us. wink wink.

Put another way, your heart sees you and the girl like this:

:together:

The girl probably sees you like this:

or this or this

Again Lovingit28, this is not always the case. For example, I am now with my former private instructor, and we are teaching together and loving it. But, these cases are rare, and while I was taking lessons with her, neither of us seriously considered the other as a mate, even though we both had little crushes.

Enjoy your crush, but realize that, as someone else said, she smiles to 95% of the people she meets at the studio. I likewise smile to everybody who comes in my studio--it's called being friendly, and enjoying life. Don't take it for more than what it probably is, though there is a small chance she does like you. Not trying to hurt your ego, just trying to be real.

Great posts, thanks!

I posted last night but it did not appear.

Anyway, the first 3 posts made me feel like I was typecast/categorised and the posts were closed. The others felt a bit more positive and open which is great.

The extra info that I added last night (went to the internet Gods apparently).

- she is A instructor NOT MY instructor (except for one fill in class). She teaches advanced classes

- I liked her/had crush way before dancing. Have not even seen her dance much. Initially it was her style (her cool hair in a long ponytail) then her shirt (also funny witty statement). It just showed we had the same tastes and humour. She has a SUPER smile too which I like. Anyway, then chatting, I have discovered that we share lots of similar tastes. Eg. reading and creativity, studying, academics etc.

*I hang out with the Salsa group for drinks after class each week. We are always in a group though. I wish I could chat one on one but have not had the chance. She was sitting with her dance partner chatting on Saturday (big table, I was opposite). I just chatted to both of them and involved them both but wished I could chat one on one. We got on great.

That is what I base my crush/liking her. Not dancing. I am so busy focusing on my music and dance that I do not know or want to date. I figure a date lasts a night, whereas dance lessons/skills/vibe can last a lifetime hence I focus more on the latter And if the former naturally happens whilst I am doing my thing then great.

- funny thing though. Giving myself a break from thinking about it .

Last night had my class and the girl was on the front desk. (started after I arrived so I did not see her to start). Anyway, I did my class and then had a drink and watched some dancers. I kept an eye on the girl as well, as it seemed a perfect opportunity to chat one on one (whilst she was not working, only busy before and after class). However, she had a CONSTANT stream of guys. She was free for a moment and I walked over but just before I got there, the bouncer came over and chatted to her. I felt like I needed to queue up Anyway, finished watching the dancing and ready to go. Still chatting to bouncer, so I just said goodbye as I walked past and left.

Thus, I know she is a friendly girl. Still have my crush/like her but obviously not going to worry about it too much. Just dance and see what happens.

thanks

quixotedlm said:

Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....

Click to expand...

Oddly, I've noticed that whether I like someone personally has pretty much nothing at all to do with whether we have salsa-chemistry.

I have fabulous salsa-chemistry with two leads that I really don't particularly like personally much at all. Then I have at least one good salsa friend with whom I don't really have very good salsa-chemistry. We get along famously, dance a lot together and do okay because we are used to each other, but our dance connection just doesn't have that special zing.

It wasn't my question dude! I'm wans't the O.P. (all I was saying is follow your own heart / groove / mojo - not other people's opinions).

But yeah, it's a great theme. I also think it sets a good president (habit) if you communicate your interest to the lady, as and when it arises. End of the day, believe in yourself, smile, and wink a lot.

quixotedlm said:

Your question is a recurrent theme on DF, and most of our advice here somewhat contradicts this statement - do listen to us and stay away from your instructor

To support r2g's sentiments, I must say that I've seen relationships like these work out. One of my instructors, who has been dancing since she was 3 (probably early 40's now) who teaches fairly advanced level classes in salsa started going out with one of her students she met in a beginners class. He doesn't even dance much, and doesn't hang out with her in dance socials etc, but they are still together - almost as if it's a relationship with a non-dancing guy. So in spite of most of our collective wisdom about this (that you're probably better off moving on), there is a fringe possibility that it could work. I personally still think that it's probably not a worthwhile effort, esp. if you are growing to like salsa.


<rant>
Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....
</rant>

Click to expand...

It's just not fair. Why are all dance instructors such hotties!

hey, sorry if I typecast you. While I could defend myself by saying it's crazy to ask for relationship advice from a bunch of dancers on the internet, I have to take some of the blame for responding

--
That's the problem with people - they object to sweeping generalizations.

lol - best I rephrase my question - Based on the information provided, what can you recommend/suggest to give me the best chance of success in this situation trying to balance building a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with the girl and not detracting from either of our passions which is dancing.


* similar stories also welcome

thanks