How to NOT cry when it's not appropriate to do so...

I cry when I get frustrated or really mad. I get really mad and frustrated at work sometimes (ok, often). I don't want to cry at work. But just not wanting to, it's not enough to stop the floodgates. Anyone have any ideas for how to stop the tears when they're coming at an inappropriate time? Especially if you're someone who's prone to it. (At times I'm so jealous of my husband, who can't even cry when it's more than appropriate to do so.)

My aunt swears by either digging one fingernail kind of underneath another (say, middle finger nail just under--really at the tender fleshy part at the tip of the finger--the thumb), or by pinching the web between the thumb and index finger.

Another friend of mine, who also cries easily, puts pressure (usually with the knuckle of her thumb) against the center of her top lip. Where the little cleft thingy is.

I'm not much of a cryer (crier? now neither looks right), so I can't vouch for either one. But it seems as if the key is creating enough discomfort, and focusing on it, to detract your other emotions. I have used the web-pinching trick to control anger/rage...it works for that, at least.

I'm sorry wooh. I've been taught to sit and to smile pretty etc. My dad wouldn't allow us to cry in other words. Heck, I ended up with a broken nose in seventh grade, and he told me not to cry lol. That's how he was. I get upset though like everyone else. I just try to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths. When I worked at the college, I would take breaks and walk around a bit to calm down. Some people smoked, but I would walk around. Maybe you can do something like that at work? Even if it's around the building, walking some place usually helped me with the fresh air and things like that.

<unhelpful remark>
i'm like spratt. wish i knew how to cry under circumstances that would cause many a strong hearted person to cry. one of these days, i'll learn to share my emotions better under adversity, and be able to cry.
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wooh said:

I cry when I get frustrated or really mad. I get really mad and frustrated at work sometimes (ok, often). I don't want to cry at work. But just not wanting to, it's not enough to stop the floodgates. Anyone have any ideas for how to stop the tears when they're coming at an inappropriate time? Especially if you're someone who's prone to it. (At times I'm so jealous of my husband, who can't even cry when it's more than appropriate to do so.)

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remind me to get back to you on this...at work ATM

Relaxing and taking a deep breath usually helps. Though I haven't yet worked out being able to continue to talk, which isn't usually a problem since being with other people also helps, especially when we're involved in some activity that diverts my attention. It's when I'm alone and my mind can wander when it hits. Though it hasn't really impacted my driving yet.

for starters, pretend that you are around people that you loathe...and pick anger instead....make it a life or death thing...beyond that, to the extreme opposite, I have always heard that tears were a sign of love and compassion and it takes more courage to be vulnerable than to hide it...hug hug

I've tried the deep breathing, it should help. Scientifically even, it should help. But it's just not enough. I'll have to try the pain thing. Of course, the big problem is remembering the little tricks when I'm in the midst of being so pissed about whatever is frustrating me at the time. I like the anger idea, it makes me dance better, shouldn't it make me work better too?hehe! But I don't tend to cry at work when I'm sad, it's when I'm mad anyway, and whoever I'm with, I'm generally pretty loathing at the moment anyway.
Of course, I was really hoping someone had something really magical, like a pill or something, hehe!

I have always heard that tears were a sign of love and compassion and it takes more courage to be vulnerable than to hide it...

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If it was "sad" tears, it wouldn't be a problem for me. Especially in my line of work, tears for sadness are acceptable (at appropriate times.) But it's when I'm mad, and when I'm mad, I don't want to look "weak" and so then I'm teary because I'm mad and then I'm mad at myself for being teary which makes me more teary and then...argh!! And lately it's just been really pissing me off that I can't get a handle on it.

I cried today when I screwed everything up and wasted an hour of my dance partner's time and mine. I was crying in a cafe by myself and couldn't take it... so I texted him and apologized like three times. He called me back and said he was pissed off and needed me to help him get over it. I asked him how I could do that, and he said "think of a solution to this problem." Later, in the car, he was telling me that he was disappointe din me not because i goofed up or because I wasted time or whatever, but that I didn't know him well enough to know that he didn't need three apologies or me feeling ****ty, but that I should have just focused and thought immediately about how to solve the problem. Well, that made me feel ****ty again, but I understood what he was getting at. Ultimately, I have to work on training myself to breathe and force my thoughts into solution mode. "I'm stressed beyond belief. What do I do first?" or realizing that someone else's reactions and emotions are their problems and they're responsible for them, while my responsibliity is to think of the next step towards fixing things. If you are able to think productively, you might be able to stop from getting overwhelmed.

What's also key is recognizing the signs of the buildup towards your agitation, and taking steps to interrupt yourself before you go all the way. Once you're there in the emotional climax, it's very hard to get out of it. It's much easier to interrupt yourself before you get there and get into a problem-solving mindset. "Ok, my heart's starting to go crazy and I'm starting to get mad." Then step away, think about the next step, understand where your limits are, whatever it is. I don't know what's getting you mad,but understanding it and your reaction TO it is veryimportant. Good job, writing here and trying to break your pattern!

^^Interesting thoughts, must ponder them for a while...

If I'm mad at work and have tears close (that used to happen when I first started working, but I trained myself not to react now), I'd try to go for a walk and choose not to respond to what made me angry right away. Let the situation pass and then repsond when you're not upset.
I have also trained myself not to take work personally. So I don't get that emotional at work. But I guess that depends on your type of job and if it needs your passion or not.

Happy place.

Y'all take things way too personal.

wooh said:

I've tried the deep breathing, it should help. Scientifically even, it should help. But it's just not enough. I'll have to try the pain thing. Of course, the big problem is remembering the little tricks when I'm in the midst of being so pissed about whatever is frustrating me at the time. I like the anger idea, it makes me dance better, shouldn't it make me work better too?hehe! But I don't tend to cry at work when I'm sad, it's when I'm mad anyway, and whoever I'm with, I'm generally pretty loathing at the moment anyway.
Of course, I was really hoping someone had something really magical, like a pill or something, hehe!

If it was "sad" tears, it wouldn't be a problem for me. Especially in my line of work, tears for sadness are acceptable (at appropriate times.) But it's when I'm mad, and when I'm mad, I don't want to look "weak" and so then I'm teary because I'm mad and then I'm mad at myself for being teary which makes me more teary and then...argh!! And lately it's just been really pissing me off that I can't get a handle on it.

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given this, I would examine why the tears...are you hurt and disappointed that people can be such pigs?...is that tapping into childhood issues?...b/c if that is something you can be in touch with, then you can harness your sense of pride and personal indignity and see the actions that cause this as injustice and be far less likely to allow the behaviors to to have that sort of sway...but, in general wooh, cargivers tend to be tender.... regardless of the cause.... I also doubt it is seen as weakness by others beside yourself

Shooshoo said:

If I'm mad at work and have tears close (that used to happen when I first started working, but I trained myself not to react now), I'd try to go for a walk and choose not to respond to what made me angry right away. Let the situation pass and then repsond when you're not upset.
I have also trained myself not to take work personally. So I don't get that emotional at work. But I guess that depends on your type of job and if it needs your passion or not.

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Oh man... the kind of job that I had at my college would have made anyone cry lol. I was one of the few that never took things personally. Sometimes the girls would drive me crazy, and I would have to get away for a bit. But jobs can be like this. I suppose this is why I choose to do things that I enjoy doing even if it doesn't pay well. The stress isn't worth it to me. Luckily for me I left when I did though, because there was a huge turn over rate right after I left after a new President took charge. Plus... a new law suit is being conducted over the last President, so yeah... jobs can be stressful.

Oh and one more thing that I do is that I get away for lunch whether I go to a park or what. That helps me clear my mind too. I'm not being bugged, and I'm usually so bored by the end of lunch that I want to get back to work. So, it works out great!

I can sympathize. When I get really mad, I tear up. And then people think I'm upset and do the "oh, honey, its alright...i didnt mean to upset you", like I am one of those silly, delicate women who cries when she is hurt, when in fact, I am not upset at all, just ticked off and trying to fight for my rights or defend myself, etc. It is very irritating. I have yet to find a way to turn the waterworks off...I would love to figure out what causes that so that I can avoid getting even more mad when people misunderstand it. And all the suggestions on here are good in most situations, but if you are right in the middle of a discussion/conversation where you are complaining/explaining yourself, etc. you cant just stop and walk away. However, when at work and and something happens that is just the last straw, so to speak...I just sit at my desk and cry silently or go to the bathroom and do it. Sometimes you get so frustrated with circumstances beyond your control and the actions of other people, etc. that you just have to get it out or it just gets worse(in my case, the more the frustration builds up, the more my shoulders and neck tense up, and the more likely I am to have a really bad headache or neckache...so for me its better to cry and get it over with). Sorry, I'm not much help here! lol!