What attributes of women attract men at a social dance

Since some of you aren't members of USABDA and therefore didn't recieve the Jan./Feb. 2004 edition of Amateur Dancers, I thought you might like to know that a certain Jonathon Marion (known locally as SD Salsaguy) had an article published about the "New Kid on the Electronic Block: www.Dance-Forums.com". It was a nice article and supplied an overview of what topics are covered on Dance Forums. Hopefully more people will find out about Dance Forums and come join in the discussions!

Also in that same edition was a letter from a Sheldon Liss, USABDA Orange County.

Sheldon Liss said:

I would like to see an article on, "What Attributes of Women Attract Men at a Social Dance."

It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing. Is this their choice? Many of them are excellent, proficient dancers. Why are some not-so-proficient dance women the "center" of male attention?

An article exploring: clothing, hair, gestures, body geometry, and "dance readiness" would be informative as well as offer some clues for the "clueless."

Naturally, the author should be male.

Click to expand...

(Spelling and grammer errors are my typos.)

Since some aspects of this topic have been discussed on Dance Forums previously I thought that perhaps we could work as a group to answer the quetsion, and have SD submit it for the next edition.

I think the article would be best if it came from multiple points of view, instead of just one author.

What do you think? Feedback?

Kevin

If a woman looks as if she is interested in dancing I will ask her to dance. I've danced with ages ranging from high school all the way up to ladies with children who are in their 30s, while I am in my 20s. I have danced with people of varying abilities, and also degrees of "attractiveness". If I approach someone and say "hi" and she has smokers breath, or unpleasant body odors, I'll just have a few words with her and make my escape. I dance with some not-so proficient dancers as I have danced with them before and know they like to dance, irrespective of any whether such people have "attractive" features. Then there are some of those who are my friends... I'll dance with almost anyone who asks me too, so that is an option those ladies can also take.

I think that the opinions gained from this forum on this subject will lead to a skewed viewpoint. The men that frequent this forum are dance enthusiasts themselves, many dance not to meet women but because we actually enjoy it. I would guess that men like that are about 1% of the population that you would normally see at a dance event.
We will all say something very similar,
1)If I have never seen a woman dance I will ask her to dance if it looks like she wants to dance.
2) If I have never danced with someone but have seen her dance, I will ask her to dance if it looks like her style will fit my own.
3) If I have danced with her before and I didn't hate the experience I will ask her to dance.
4) If I know her I will ask her to dance.
You will not often get the answer here that you would normally get
If I find her attractive I will dance with her.

Attract men? As in what do we look for in a dance or in a woman?
I too agree that our opinions here will be bit on the unrealistic side as opposed to the regular man frequenting clubs. Most males only care to play “free-eels” (Free feels) with the ladies, hence going for the easier/sexier looking ladies. God, that reminds me that the other night, I extended my hand out to a lady for a dance and she grabbed it and rubbed it all over her road bumps. Man!!! YUCK!!!!! What up girl, stop drinking ( I didn’t know she was drinking until I smelled her breath)

I'm never one to believe that the leaders are the sole reason a woman sits the night out. If you look uninviting, you will sit there for the rest of the night.

I ask women who are obviously there to dance, and I don’t mean the ones sitting in the last seat against the back wall with her arms crossed with an “ I don’t want to be here face”. Make yourself inviting, move up next to the floor, show some life…

If you don’t have dance shoes on, or proper attire to dance with, you’ll be sitting all night. I’m here to dance not look at your sexy thigh-high dress and strap-less shoes.

If I see you dance, and you look like it is the last place you want to be on earth, I won’t be asking you to dance.

If you haven’t danced all night, I’m going to think that you might just be there for watching entertainment. How about taking the initiative and letting everyone know that you are ready to get it on…

Dancing community is very small, if you are snot, complain about leaders, are a rough follow, are a solo dancer, have horrible hygiene, Imma choose to stay away from you this night.

Don’t let me catch you having a new drink every time I look your way. You’ll be watching the rest of the night too.

If you are a shy person, then lets not blame others for the issues we have. This is about dancing, if you are as eager to dance as you say you are, then get up and do something about it. Don’t just sit there and complain with a mean face that no one dances with you, because you haven’t shown interest to dance with anyone either.

You can even do what shy girls do to me. They stand besides me and tap their feet, or walk around me until I get the hint that they want to dance with me. Gosh, why not just ask, what is all the pride/shyness about?

If I've the seen the lady dance . . . it's body language, footwork, and does she "play" on the floor. A nice smile completes the package . . . the size of her boobs doesn't matter - if you get where I'm going with that???

If I haven't danced with her . . . a good body does matter. I have many moves in whcih I tend to place my hand on their shoulders, backs, waist, and belly. "I feel" uncomfortable placing my hand on a lady that may have a large belly or waist . . . I'm not uncomfortable about her size . . . just uncomfortable about how she may feel about her size when I do place my hand there. Make sense . . . kinda, sorta, maybe???

I dance the same with all . . . although the level of dance may go up or down depending on their abilities!

boobs

1) Obviously looks like she's relaxed, having a great time and is interested in dancing. (This is VERY attractive to me)

2) A big smile and an adoring look in the eyes is a big plus

3) If I've danced with that person before and enjoyed it

4) Takes care of herself, good hygene

5) Have to admit, I have a thing for women who wear twirl skirts (not required though). Can't stand sleazy, trashy clothing though!

6) While dancing, doesn't just merely do steps but really puts her personality into it, gets playful too.

7) Just simply being comfortable in their own skin

Re: "What attributes of women attract men at a social d

While I'm not ready to agree with the "pathetic" part, I do think that Sheldon's point: "It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing." is rather telling. Why are they sitting there? Why aren't they asking guys to dance? One of the best ways to tell if someone is there to dance, rather than to watch, is to see them dancing! If someone (male or female) sits behind a table they will be passed over for the person who is standing next to the dance floor moving to the music, even if they haven't actually been dancing. They're available and ready to go!

clothing, I don't think that I notice clothing that much, so this one might be hard for me. Like Phil Owl wrote, I like women in twirly skirts, but that usually doesn't have much influence in choosing a partner. Footwear matters, when I notice it. Wearing shoes that I think won't stay on your feet, no matter how great they look, will be a negative point.

hair, I prefer women with shoulder length hair. It should be long enough to look "womanly", but not so long that it slaps my face if she does a fast turn. Having said that, I also sometimes like women with really short haircuts. I also like well cared for hair, but sometimes the wild look as the woman comes off the dance floor is great as well.

gestures, I don't really understand this topic, but perhaps Sheldon meant "body language"? As I mentioned above, and borikensalsero mentioned earlier, if your body language is inviting I'll probably ask you to dance. If you are hiding in a corner scowling, I probably won't ask you to dance.

body geometry, Body geometry? Is this another way of saying "Does it matter if I'm fat?" Yes, it does matter. If I have the choice between someone who looks fit and athletic and someone who is obese, I'll choose fit and athletic first. However, if I've danced with each of the women previously, and have found the obese woman to be a better daner, than I'll ask her first. Either way, though, I usually try to ask everyone to dance at least once a night.

"dance readiness" This goes back to not sitting in the corner all night. Stand near the dance floor, and ask guys to dance. Wear dance-appropriate clothes. Smile and look like you are having fun!

Kevin

Re: "What attributes of women attract men at a social d

Sheldon Liss said:

It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing. Is this their choice?

Click to expand...

Yes, of course it is. Enough of the culture of victimhood already. Sometimes I'm in a foul mood and end up spending most of the evening sitting out as well, but I don't blame that on other people.

Some points true for me, perhaps not for others:

- I do not ask someone to dance more than 2-3 times unless she asks me to dance in return as well. Given the excess of leads in this area it won't happen all that often, but if someone never asks, she's either uninterested in dancing with me, or has been socialized in a manner I do not wish to accomodate.

- I do not perceive someone sitting down as wanting to dance, particularly someone sitting and talking with a group of other women. I am much more likely to ask someone standing near the dance floor and looking around for a partner herself.

- I prefer to dance with attractive women, of course, but "attractive" has a lot more to do with how well they dance and how much they appear to enjoy dancing with me, than whether they'd win the Miss America contest.

Dancing is just like junior high; popularity is everything. People (regardless of gender) who are good dancers, are physically attractive, and are pleasant to be around are popular dance partners. A moderately low score in one category can be compensated for by a high score in another category. This is the way the world worked when you had acne and braces, and it holds true today.

boriken has said pretty much everything I would have said.

Not that I'm out checking out girls at dances or anything, but I think Vince makes a good point. The responses here are skewed because the guys here are, for the most part, hardcore dancers who'd rather have a beautiful follow than a beautiful girl (both would be best, LOL).