Handling rejection from a rude person

A question for the leaders out there, how do you all deal with getting turned down for a dance, especially when the lady is rude about it? I realize this is a very personal thing but as I'm dancing more and asking more women to dance, so goes my chances of getting turned down as well.

Things kind of went downhill for me tonight during the lesson, as I danced with a woman who was the WORST follower I have ever danced with. Very charming and attractive, but she was off beat and a backleader and critiquer of truly epic proportions. Just a few minutes with her made me want to jump out of my skin...and it nearly ruined the Salsa high that I had going.

As soon as the dancing started I jumped in and danced a few until a girl I've danced with before turned me down with a quite harsh and snippy remark. I took it well considering but she was the only available lady that wasn't on the floor, I had no other choice in the matter! I sat down for a few but that was it for me...I couldn't seem to lift my spirits back up and I left a while afterwards.

I'm not asking for any advice in this as none can really be given, but I am curious to hear how the guys handle this, especially as novice dancers out in a club environment.

Maybe I just need to develop some insults to fire back at these ladies? Not my style, but you never know. :wink:

Best,

SG

SG, not knowing more about the situation you may find yourselve in makes this a hard call. Know this, in my teaching the "gentler sex" as it were I would always insist the young lady NEVER turn down the first dance she is asked for the night as any potential partners for the evening may not be so inclined to receive the same rejection she may be handing out. (sometimes ladies dont always remember that we men are prideful by nature and our egos can bruise easier than they think)

Keep on dancing!!! What these woman dont also realize, there are fewer of us male dancers then female dancers. And fewer yet that are good dancers. The numbers only stack in our favor as we get older!!! Keep that in mind the next time you see your former "would be" partner and smile a BIG smile!!!

Never fun to get turned down, but it's part of the game and you just have to live with it. A few tidbits to keep in mind though when rejected;

It's their loss,

don't take it personal,

no need for insults, if she's always rude it'll catch up with her soon enough, and there are plenty of nice girls around, so no point in wasting time on the rude ones exchanging insults,

she could just been having a bad day, give her a second chance another time (but no more than two chances)

despite emancipation, equality and what have you not, it's still the guys that have to do the majority of asking, we get the rejections but we also at least have some control on how an evening of dancing will go, we are not passive like a lot of girls

not always easy to do (as negatives things often stick out more), but try to remember the good times rather than the bad times, don't dwell on that rejection, think back to that hot girl that beamed a big smile at you as you approached to ask her

scorpionguy said:

A question for the leaders out there, how do you all deal with getting turned down for a dance, especially when the lady is rude about it?

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if she's a stranger, depends on whether the sun is in my eyes: i might decide to try and find out if the person realizes they came off as rude or i might be as likely to suggest that i had to go urinate anyway. both responses seem to be equally effective in breaking the ice.

scorpionguy said:

As soon as the dancing started I jumped in and danced a few until a girl I've danced with before turned me down with a quite harsh and snippy remark.

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if there's a history, once i felt i was able to discuss this without letting my feelings affect things - and it might not happen the same night - i'd probably go back and ask them if they were angry with me and if so, why. doesn't always work, but it's easier to go to sleep knowing that you've done what you can.

we in phila, nj, area just had this topic brought up on (rons dance talk-its interesting how much emotion how much heat this topic generates-myself included. first i'd like to say hustle and salsa seems to have the most rudest people in all the dances i've danced at or dj.in this area folks ,of course there are really nice people too :lol: in both camps. i say try to keep positive and be the opposite of rude nasty people, dance with beginner-lousy dancers-all kinds even if you are or become advanced. on the flip side in your own style let them (the ego nasty women-or men for you ladies) let them know thats terrible manners- and that may not mean confronting them (it might) but blow the off in public when you see them, by not even giving them the time of day,it is personal as i see it ,how can people know there bad manners if yo dont show some kind off disapproval? im being nice here :idea:

These days, I could care less if I get turned down, although it is rare, at a UCWDC event, that anyone will get turned. Everyone is exceptionally nice.

But I do have an insulting answer for those followers that are very rude or smart mouthed! I'm sure I've put this on the DF before . . . but here it is again!

After asking them to dance, and if they are rude or smart-mouthed . . . I put my face inches away from their face . . . almost nose-to-nose, and speak just above a whisper . . .

"Why are you being so picky? . . . I wasn't!"

Of the less than a handful of women that I have said this to, three of them came over to me later and apologized, and we did end up dancing!

That's a good one Vince!

Oddly enough, I wasn't being picky, she was the only available lady that wasn't dancing! I had already asked another lady who I generally avoid before her, so believe me it was slim pickings...I don't like to sit down once I'm on a roll...so I keep asking until I get a no or there's no one left. Another guy asked the same gal right after me and she told him no as well, so at least it wasn't just me.

We have a small dance community here so she's on my greylist for now...I may give her another chance, I may not. Me, hold a grudge? Never!

I'm sure I'll handle rejections better the more experienced I get...it just stinks when there's a shortage of women...of course most of it last night was the Oscars I imagine...we had a very small crowd at our usually packed Salsa night.

Hopefully next time, there will be a shortage of guys and the ladies will be asking me to dance. :wink:

SG

Perhaps this is slightly off topic, but here goes. If this question is covered in another thread, my apologies.

I have been dancing off and on for over ten years. I'm a great dancer. What I don't know I learn quick and I can follow almost anything! I have recently been away from dancing for 3 years as I had a baby. I am back now but am no longer as slender as I once was. I am by no means large, but I am not wearing skin revealing clothes anymore. I'm sure after a few months of regular instruction and social dancing, I'll be back to glory days size, but I have found that I am not asked to dance very much. Being totally honest, does size matter? I am on the east coast of Florida, but not Miami! Is it just that I don't know anyone or is it my curves? :cry:

Bolero Baby

Hi bolerobaby! Welcome. There's a thread around here somewhere called Dancer's Bodies that I think will interest you. :wink:


Have you thought about asking guys to dance, not waiting for them to ask you? Most won't turn you down, and when they see how great a dancer you are, you'll be up and dancing all night, I bet. :wink:

Welcome.

Oh, and by the way, I love Karinas. I have some. And Bridget Jones is my idol. LOL. I'm in Orlando, btw.

Welcome.

Jenn

Thanks Pyg! I know you're right. I'm just suffering from a bit of low self esteem! I'm actually giving myself kudos for actually picking it back up and heading out! But I LOVE to dance! I'm so sorry for those skinny gorgeous girls who don't have the love! Such a waste!

I'll give it a try! Thanks for the link. I'll check it out...

Bolero

bolerobaby said:

I'm actually giving myself kudos for actually picking it back up and heading out!

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Absolutely right. Give yourself credit for the getting up and getting started. Bravo for you. :banana:

pygmalion said:

Oh, and by the way, I love Karinas. I have some. And Bridget Jones is my idol. LOL. I'm in Orlando, btw.

Welcome.

Jenn

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Thanks for the hospitality... I'm in Jacksonville! I just ordered new ones, back ordered though :x CAN'T WAIT!!!

If only I looked as good as Jones did at her weight!!!

Bolero

I had a feeling. I was thinking of Boleros Dancesport in JAX. And isn't there a ballroom competition coming up at Boleros sometime soon? March or April? A two-day comp?

pygmalion said:

I had a feeling. I was thinking of Boleros Dancesport in JAX. And isn't there a ballroom competition coming up at Boleros sometime soon? March or April? A two-day comp?

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I'm actually with Kaluby's not Boleros. I just love the bolero! Its one of my favorites (right behind cha cha, salsa, rhumba and - believe it or not- waltz!) but the others are such common screen names I just thought I'd be different. Not sure about the Boleros event (its considered high treason at my studio to attend another!) but I'll find out for you if you're interested).

What are the great clubs/social dances in Orlando?

Bolero Baby