Help! I need advice!!!!

DF family. I have noticed how friendly and helpful you all are for a long time. Now I have a problem of my own to ask about.

There's this fellow I've been dancing with for several months. He's ... he's a beautiful person and a great dancer. I really enjoy dancing with him. Parhaps too much. I have a fellow I've been dating for two years now. He's not a dancer, but he's a stable, reliable man, who likes my family and was everything I'd dreamt about until I started dancing.


Now, Im not so sure. I've been dancing with my new partner for the past months, and I think I may be falling in love. He's a beautiful dancer, and I feeling beautiful when I'm dancing with him. My dancing friends all think he's gay, but that can't possibly be true. When we're dancing, I feel magic, and I know he feels it too.

What should I do? I love my boyfriend. How could I possibly love my partner too? I feel like such a wicked girl.

Wow, Shamby. I'm not sure what to say. Let me think about your predicament a bit. But first, let me say that you are not a wicked girl. Dance relationships can get so complicated, sometimes, for all of us, not just you.

A belated welcome Shamby.

Matters of the heart are always difficult. You didn't say what kind of dancing you are doing. Are you sure that it is love and you are not getting caught up in the moment? Have you tried to find out if he is gay?

I am working on a medal in modern. Next will be street Latin, I think. Dancing in closed position with this fellow, I just know he can't be gay. We've been out together with friends after class a few times. Even when there are other friends around, I feel something special, and I just know he feels it too.

What has made me finally ask for help is that, last night after class, he asked me back to his flat. It was casual, but it was an invitation to his flat. My heart was racing! I went, as it was raining quite hard, but I felt guilty the whole time I was there. Nothing happened. We had a coffee and a chat. That's all.

How much contact do you have with this guy away from dancing? It could just be the emotion of dance making you feel this way. I have some guys at dancing that to the uninitiated would seem that we are crazy for each other, but it's on the dancefloor only. Good friends off the floor.

I'm so confused, dancin_feet. We dance together four nights a week at the studio, and sometimes have a coffee or a drink with friends. Last night was the first time he and I were alone together. So I don't know.

Hmm, Shamby. It sounds like there's something more going on here. He did invite you back to his place, after all.

I'm half hoping there will be more in the future. He's such a nice man, and an understanding leader on the dance floor. He's wonderful, to me.

Your boyfriend is wonderful, too. Is that the problem?

Maybe you two need to sit down and have a talk about it. Probably the only way to start to understand what is going on.

:lol: Effective gay-dar should be a required skill in female dancers who tend to fall for their partners! That could be a good recruiting ground also for contestants on--what's that reality show where the girl has to figure out which of the boys trying to date her are straight and which are gay?

Sorry, Shamby, I don't mean to make light of all this--but, I don't know, I'm gonna go out on a limb here.

You say you've been seeing this other guy for two years, and yet you're finding yourself attracted to your new partner. Can all really be well in Paradise? I don't think you'd ask the question if you were totally comfortable. And "my parents really like him" seems to me the kiss of death.

Has your partner said or done anything that suggests he might be interested in you? From your posts, you seem like you've been dancing for a while at least--but people who are new to dancing sometimes mistake a good working relationship for a romance. But that doesn't sound like you from what you've said. So drop the other shoe already--what's the real dirt? What has he said? What has he intimated?

If you really feel more attracted to this guy you've known for such a short time than the guy you've known for two years, then you owe it to yourself to at least explore those feelings. Maybe the next time he asks you out to coffee or whatever, take him up on it. You don't have to tell the old boyfriend.

There is a chance, of course, that you'll find yourself equally attracted to both. Who writes the rules here? We're all grownups, right? Are you exclusive with your old boyfriend? Have you had that conversation? Why can't you see both of them--as long as everyone is open about it?

Or even if you decide to see the new guy on the sly--as long as your old boyfriend is still happy with the time he spends with you, why should he know what you do with the rest of your time?

As long as you're comfortable with yourself, and don't hurt anyone else, why shouldn't you do what you like?

Good luck with this--keep us posted!

Genesius

Shamby,

Firstly - as you stated that you already in love with your current boyfriend...just how deep do your feelings go for this man? I know that myself as a newcomer to club style Salsa...I'm literally swooning over a new gal each week. Partly since I've haven't dated a lot and I've been single for quite a while, so it is so very easy to develop a crush on someone after one dance.

So my main question is - are you sure that you are in love your dance partner? Lust can wear the mask of love - that's for sure...and especially if you already have a SO...does he know about this other guy? You mentioned being wicked, and while this is not my personal cup of tea (I'll offer a neutral opinion as best I can)...perhaps you are subconsciouly enjoying the fact that you are getting attention from two men at once? I sincerely don't wish to offend you, but just offering advice as you have asked.

Again though..the fact that you went to his place (despite nothing happening) leaves much to the imagination of others. Do any of your friends or family know about this?

I do hope you make the best decision for both of you...godspeed and best of luck to you.

Sincerely,

ScorpionGuy

scorpionguy said:

So my main question is - are you sure that you are in love your dance partner? Lust can wear the mask of love - that's for sure...and especially if you already have a SO...does he know about this other guy?

Click to expand...

I dunno--I would say the real question is still how deep her feelings run for her boyfriend. I just don't think that the relationship is really exclusive if you're that open to attraction outside, after such a short time.

Just my 2 cents.

Genesius

Best of luck Shamby...

SG

I thought someone might say that. Honesty is the best way round, and all that. You're right, of course, dancin_feet.

I'm so confused. My boyfriend is a good man, and old fashioned and so sweet. The perfect guy to marry.

But my dance partner is exciting, and fun and nice and goog looking and new. I don't want to risk losing him as a partner. Besides, he is like me. He loves technology and computers. I even told him about dance forums the other day, and he told me he enjoys online dance websites as I do.

I will have to find out tonight. We've agreed to meet for coffee before dance class this evening. Perhaps we can talk then.