"Flattery gets you everywhere"
- Thread starter Pacion
- Start date
Should I be difficult, and just say,"it depends?"
It depends. Many people love flattery. But it often backfires with people who are very lacking in self confidence, because they often discount any positive feedback they get.
So I generally play it safe. I give negative feedback only when I have to, and in sandwich form (i.e. start with a positive, hide the negative in the middle, and end with a positive.)
When I give positive feedback, I make it very specific, so the person can't discount it. (e.g. "I loved your hand styling during the passing twinkles," rather than "I love your dancing.")
And to those with overinflated egos, I rarely give feedback at all. They don't need my help to feel good about themselves. LOL. :twisted: :roll: :lol:
It depends. Many people love flattery. But it often backfires with people who are very lacking in self confidence, because they often discount any positive feedback they get.
So I generally play it safe. I give negative feedback only when I have to, and in sandwich form (i.e. start with a positive, hide the negative in the middle, and end with a positive.)
When I give positive feedback, I make it very specific, so the person can't discount it. (e.g. "I loved your hand styling during the passing twinkles," rather than "I love your dancing.")
And to those with overinflated egos, I rarely give feedback at all. They don't need my help to feel good about themselves. LOL. :twisted: :roll: :lol:
Genesius Redux
New Member
Dance flattery and flirting or flattery and flirting in general?
Everybody likes to feel loved and feel like they're important. But I don't think you can really flirt with someone unless you genuiinely like something about them. If people are flirted with, they want to feel like it's because someone's listening to them. And there's no way to fake that. The only real technique in flirting, I think, is to actually pay attention to someone.
Everybody likes to feel loved and feel like they're important. But I don't think you can really flirt with someone unless you genuiinely like something about them. If people are flirted with, they want to feel like it's because someone's listening to them. And there's no way to fake that. The only real technique in flirting, I think, is to actually pay attention to someone.
Pacion
New Member
Genesius Redux said:
:tongue: in general, otherwise this would be in a different forum :wink: :wink:
The only real technique in flirting, I think, is to actually pay attention to someone.
As in, to look at them and listen to them as if he is the only person in the world, like Julio Inglesis sr sings his songs so that each female fan thinks that he is singing the song only for and to her? :wink:
Genesius Redux
New Member
Pacion said:
Oh, you mean in performing!
Yes, I definitely make that kind of eye contact when I'm singing. Not that I have a voice like Julio Inglesias, but within my idiom I'm not too bad.
No I meant actually paying attention. Like-- :wink: "Hey Pacion, love the French tip nails. Sexy!"
Or--"That green looks fab on you. It brings out your eyes." Or--"Matching lip gloss and nail polish tonight. Very posche."Or maybe just remembering that even though you're from Trinidad, you really don't care for cricket. And you don't seem to be a big fan of Guinness either.
Paying attention, and letting someone know that you notice and like them for who they are, and that who they are makes a difference to you.
You know? :wink:
Genesius Redux
New Member
Sagitta said:You consider that flattery / flirting.That's just plain good old fashioned manners!! Noticing people and letting them know that you appreciate them for what they are.
That's what makes the flirting good--that at bottom it's all about good manners. A real flirtation should be like an oasis in a desert of isolation. The sham is easily detected. :wink:
Pacion
New Member
Genesius Redux said:
:nope: No, in general, day to day life. Like, you are at a restaurant and the portions are really, really small yet, you compliment/flirt/flatter the waitress so that she will give you bigger portions.
Or, which was the inspiration for this thread :lol: I was watching a television show (one of a series I didn't get the name of) about a japanese guy who is now living in LA and is a detective. He is about 40 years old? He is trying to get his driving licence and on two occassions when he was on his driving test, he "heard" a crime eg. the back of a money truck being blown open, so he would "divert" and of course fail his driving test. He went to the place where he had to rebook his test and the lady was telling him that he would have to start from scratch, ie retake all the other parts of the test. He started to flirt/flatter the lady telling her what a beautiful smile/eyes she has, basically "sweet talking her" and she finally gave her a date just to do his driving tests. He didn't have to start from scratch. :lol:
No I meant actually paying attention. Like-- :wink: "Hey Pacion, love the French tip nails. Sexy!"
Or maybe just remembering that even though you're from Trinidad, you really don't care for cricket. And you don't seem to be a big fan of Guinness either.
:shock: :lol:
I know. :wink: What if the "flatterer/complimenter/flirter" has short term memory? :lol:
Oh yes, ditto what Sagitta said
Pacion said:
Not a problem in the US. We're all fatties. LOL. (Just kidding) But here, the problem at restaurants is HUGE portions. I mean HUGE. That's why some obscene percentage of Americans are obese. I'll have to look up the statistic.
But, you're right about the flirting in restaurants. My SO and his office mate always eat lunch at a few restaurants, flirt shamelessly with the waitresses, and never pay full price for a meal. NEVER. Men! :twisted: :lol:
Genesius Redux
New Member
Pacion said:
Oh, that's so smarmy! No I never do that! But I do like saying and doing nice things for people when I have nothing material to gain from it, like if I know I'm never going to see them again. Last week I went to pick up a pizza from Domino's and the girl working there was being chewed out by an irate customer and having to deal with a whole of problems on the phone and with other employees. So I put in my order and while I was waiting, I just buzzed around the corner and got her some chocolates that I gave to her when I picked up the pie, and told her I hoped she'd have a better day soon.
Jenn's right--you don't want bigger portions in America. They give you enough for three meals as it is!
MapleLeaf Salsero
New Member
Pacion said:
Prefer flirting! I only flirt with people I feel chemistry with. 8)
cocodrilo
New Member
Genesius, that's so sweet what you did with the girl at the pizza place! People need to feel reassured that they're doing a good job even when other people are out to make their day miserable(as they themselves are in the midst of something miserable!)...
Flattery? I hope I am complimented rather than flattered(but, yes, depending how cute the guy is I will eat up the flattery!!! ).
I take every opportunity to be honest and let people know when they are doing something great! This is definitely important for a person's self-esteem! And all that goodness that goes around comes around!!!!
Flattery? I hope I am complimented rather than flattered(but, yes, depending how cute the guy is I will eat up the flattery!!!
).I take every opportunity to be honest and let people know when they are doing something great! This is definitely important for a person's self-esteem! And all that goodness that goes around comes around!!!!
Hmm... I'm not sure about this thread but ...
I usually try to pay a compliment whenever I can and whenever it is warranted. I don't like to go overboard (flattery) because then I feel it undervalues my compliments. Just because I don't say "you really look nice in that dress" doesn't mean that I don't think it. It's just that if I say it every time you wear a dress of some sort, it loses its significance (in my opinion).
As for flirting... I guess it depends on whether you're just being playful or you seriously want the other's goods.
I usually try to pay a compliment whenever I can and whenever it is warranted. I don't like to go overboard (flattery) because then I feel it undervalues my compliments. Just because I don't say "you really look nice in that dress" doesn't mean that I don't think it. It's just that if I say it every time you wear a dress of some sort, it loses its significance (in my opinion).
As for flirting... I guess it depends on whether you're just being playful or you seriously want the other's goods.