larrynla
Member
People are always assuming what women want. A frequent answer is "connection, emotion, none of that acrobatic stuff."
The problem is this is just assumption. Some men say this because, after all, "women are creatures of emotion." Some women say this because that is their desire. They assume all other women (except some oddballs who can be ignored) feel exactly the same as they do. Or they like the role of tango police, and say it to shame other women into doing tango "the right way" - that is, their way.
But every woman (and man) is unique. Some women love a dance that is complex and challenging, that gives them a chance to expand on their role.
For men my answer to the question is - "Ask." I don't mean verbally. I mean with the language of the body. And always ask, even if the woman is someone you have known for years and have danced with earlier in the evening. Women and men may feel very differently at different times. Maybe she's gotten tired late in the evening, or hurt her back - or was tired earlier and has become excited and energized.
"Asking" doesn't mean a man should try all the more challenging stuff immediately. I like to try simple movements first, then less simple. I feel what works and what doesn't. A woman might be able to turn to the right easily, but find left turns harder, for instance.
The key to asking (and answering) is a good connection, and not just physically but mentally. Perhaps this is the point of some people whose answer to this question is "connection." Because without good communication and caring for and cooperating with each other not even the simplest dance is possible.
But once a couple has established a good "connection" and have become in a sense one person sharing two bodies, what does one do? Just walk?
Well, maybe that is enough for many people. "Just walking" may seem easy but the more you dance you more you realize how important the basics really are, how hard they are to do well. Getting that right as part of a couple, to the music, as part of the flow along the dance floor, can be very satisfying. And it is absolutely essential for going beyond the basics.
"Women don't like to do acrobatic stuff?" Well, maybe you don't, but is it really right for you to dictate to every other woman what she loves or doesn't love to do?
Right about here people often counter with "But acrobatics gets in the way of other people!" Certainly they do if they take up lots of space or are flashy or interfere with the flow of others. But it is entirely possible to do complex actions that are compact and inconspicuous and considerate of others. Complexity can be subtle and noticeable only to one's partner.
So instead of assuming "what women want" why don't you find out?
Laer Carroll
The problem is this is just assumption. Some men say this because, after all, "women are creatures of emotion." Some women say this because that is their desire. They assume all other women (except some oddballs who can be ignored) feel exactly the same as they do. Or they like the role of tango police, and say it to shame other women into doing tango "the right way" - that is, their way.
But every woman (and man) is unique. Some women love a dance that is complex and challenging, that gives them a chance to expand on their role.
For men my answer to the question is - "Ask." I don't mean verbally. I mean with the language of the body. And always ask, even if the woman is someone you have known for years and have danced with earlier in the evening. Women and men may feel very differently at different times. Maybe she's gotten tired late in the evening, or hurt her back - or was tired earlier and has become excited and energized.
"Asking" doesn't mean a man should try all the more challenging stuff immediately. I like to try simple movements first, then less simple. I feel what works and what doesn't. A woman might be able to turn to the right easily, but find left turns harder, for instance.
The key to asking (and answering) is a good connection, and not just physically but mentally. Perhaps this is the point of some people whose answer to this question is "connection." Because without good communication and caring for and cooperating with each other not even the simplest dance is possible.
But once a couple has established a good "connection" and have become in a sense one person sharing two bodies, what does one do? Just walk?
Well, maybe that is enough for many people. "Just walking" may seem easy but the more you dance you more you realize how important the basics really are, how hard they are to do well. Getting that right as part of a couple, to the music, as part of the flow along the dance floor, can be very satisfying. And it is absolutely essential for going beyond the basics.
"Women don't like to do acrobatic stuff?" Well, maybe you don't, but is it really right for you to dictate to every other woman what she loves or doesn't love to do?
Right about here people often counter with "But acrobatics gets in the way of other people!" Certainly they do if they take up lots of space or are flashy or interfere with the flow of others. But it is entirely possible to do complex actions that are compact and inconspicuous and considerate of others. Complexity can be subtle and noticeable only to one's partner.
So instead of assuming "what women want" why don't you find out?
Laer Carroll
