"Ruining" salsa... what to do? please help!!!

My path had crossed salsa a couple of months ago, and I had just fell in love with salsa with all my heart. 2 weeks after I started dancing, I met a guy who lured me by offering to teach and practice with me and very shortly we started dating. I gave him my heart only to find out that he was a big player and was only using me for his gains (oh how I wish I had discovered Edie's website columns earlier). We had met at a very very popular club that all salsa people in the vicinity come to. And while we were dating, he would deliberately kiss me on the dance floor, dance very closely to me, and introduce me to his aquaintances (to show that he can easily get girls I'm sure). Now that I realize the ramnifications of it all, I am petrified at what people must be thinking and saying about me, to a point I am afraid to go back to the salsa scene (I've seen the funny looks people give me...after reading the dance forum on ruining salsa, I now know why). But I love the dance, I love the music. I feel such a sense of loss when I am unable to go out and dance. What do I do now :?:

Go back to dancing!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, for a time you may have to put up with glances and "snideness" from those who have nothing better to with their time and energy but, in the end, your love of salsa and genuine interest in dancing will speak the loudest.

As people see you out and not "hooked" to anyone they will come to realize who you are as a person/dancer in your own right.

I wish I had more time for a more complete response at the moment but am on my way out the door...

Never let anyone else take away from you anything your heart needs.

—Jonathan

Thanks for the word of encouragement...

I guess it would be easier if I were a better dancer. Though I have a great passion for salsa, I have no previous dancing experience, therefore going thru the learning curve has been difficult and slow. I am sort of stuck in a catch-22 sort of way in order to improve, I need to go out and dance. But given that I am barely advancing into the intermediate level and my rep, many guys will not ask me to dance.

*sigh* I suppose it will not help to dwell on the mistake I've made in the past..I will try to venture out to the salsa scene again and see what happens...

FUGGEDABOUDIT! That guy was a LOSER! Trust me, you will find a better guy eventyally. Don't let that ruin your love of dance.

Salsa Swings at the PBDA

Dancer at Heart,
I was away from the dance scene for forty years, and in 1999 I was invited my friends of fifty years to be their guest at their Grand Ballroom next to the Staple co,complex., I witnessed some 1800 dancers doing the Salsa, and I" was intrigued but not enough. Last Saturday I was at the Pasadena Bal;romance Association run for the past 18 or so years by two of our most talented professional instructors of ALL the Ballroom dances. And when the Salsa music came on, I looked and looked and suddenly I was hooked. The Salsa is so simple and versatile that you can be the best, if you just do the following, and you don't even have to be on beat to enjoy this fun dance. Here is the Magic Pill for the Salsa, Are you ready?
1) Just count, '1,2,3' at any tempo, and keep repeating that 1,2.3 count with your feet moving in sync with your count;
2) Move in any direction turn as many times as you want shake any every part of your body and ;let yourself go. Before the night is over you will end up on beat and in rhythm, just do not worry about iut. Thge Ladies who run that school and Saturday night Venue are Tami and Erin Stevens, What a crowd they draw! Well over a hundred with a live band and fun dances and games. It's one big family and you will feel comfortable in there atmosphere thes two talented ladies create. It's a family affair, and as I said, when they started dancing the Salsa, 'I looked, and I looked and finally got hooked' and so will you when you spend your Saturday night at the PBDA.
Joe Lanza, your friendly dance instructor.

dancer at heart said:

...I am petrified at what people must be thinking and saying about me, to a point I am afraid to go back to the salsa scene (I've seen the funny looks people give me...after reading the dance forum on ruining salsa, I now know why)...

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Why do you care at all what total strangers think of you? Friends will understand, the rest doesn't matter. U may never see them again, why bother? Just do whatever U feel like doing.

Gator said:

Why do you care at all what total strangers think of you? Friends will understand, the rest doesn't matter. U may never see them again, why bother? Just do whatever U feel like doing.

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Well, knowing how insular salsa communities tend to be chances are that you will see these people again....that being said, however, Gator is dead on. Why care what other's—who don't know you—think? Realistically of course this is easier said then done, but keep in mind that most serious dancers are exactly that...serious dancers. Even if your skill level is not yet at a point where it impresses them they will take notice of dedication and perseverance. More importantly, if you work on being a good follower not many will want to pass up dancing with you regardless of any misimpressions they may have.

And don’t forget, the sweetest revenge is spelled S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

Ok, time for some tough love...

#1. That guy is an idiot. Period.

I don't want to open up a can of worms here, but chances
are that he is a very insecure man, with a small <ahem>
member and must show his "manly" prowess by dancing
around and convicing girls that because he's such a great
dancer, he must be a great lover too...so trust me, it's his
loss and not yours.

Another thing to remember, people in general do NOT like
guys like him. If he's well known, then the girls know not
to mess with him because he's a loser (That's probably why
he kept introducing you, no one believed he was with a
girl so he had to prove it) So trust me you'll get a lot more
sympathy than he would.

Trust me, he sounds like the kind of guy who must always
change his circle of friends because as people get to know
him, they realize they want NOTHING to do with him, so
you will always see him with new friends and girl friends...
you'll see it for yourself too...

So with all of this said, I congratulate you for dumping the
a**hole and realizing in time that he is just not worth your
time, your presence, your time of day, or your dance.

So now that you have succesfully gotten rid of the lower than
dirt man, you should have a much better chance of meeting
and dancing with some really great people...

I don't think people are looking at you funny because of it, on
the contrary once you get to know these people more, you'll
see that you have a lot more in common with them.

And even if they do look at you funny because of this idiot, so
what?!? Don't let someone else take away from your happiness
you just go out there and have fun.

We are very good at pointing out the dumb things we do, but
we never tell ourselves the great things we do...

So tonight I want you to do the following:

Look at yourself in the mirror and say:

"You are such a smart person for dumping that idiot, now
get out there and dance!"

Do that tonight, and every night you go out...I promise, you'll
feel better...

Don't let him win!

If the dancing is really important to you, don't let a break up take it away from you - don't let him win!

If you need to lay low for a while, you can emerse yourself in lessons at places you know you won't see him, but as most have pointed out here, you probably will cross paths again. Why not cross paths with YOU becoming a better dancer with a big smile on your face as guys wait in line to dance with you?

You can turn this tragedy into motivation, which can help you move on emotionally while channeling your energy into being a better dancer...

At worst, you can always explore other styles of partner dancing in order to spend some time away from him

I agree with much of what's been said, but would like to add this.

The same thing happened to me, many years ago. Boy, did I get played. And publicly, too.

The hardest thing for me was to walk back into that club the first time. Just go do it didn't work for me, because I felt humiliated, like everybody was watching me.

Bear in mind that I was much younger and less confident then, but here's what I did.

I went out, got myself a little red dress that showed off all my, um, assets to my best advantage. I got myself a handsome date. Nobody at the club knew that he was just a friend, and gay besides. They didn't need to know. I walked right in there, and looked like I was having fun.

The first time going back was the hardest. All downhill from there.


Salsarhythms is right. Nobody likes this kind of guy. If people are looking at you, it's with sympathy. Just hold your head up and walk in. People will respect you for it.

I just want to say thank you all for taking the time to share thoughts and words of encouragement....it's really wonderful to know that there is a place there is so much love and caring....the salsa experience is as much about the dance and the music as it is about the people

I took some of your advices, got dressed up and looked at myself in the mirror and said "I dance because it comes from the heart....I will not let anyone take that away from me. I know that deep down I am a good person, if I keep at it, people will eventually get to know me for who I really am" I breathed, and ventured out to a club in LA that I heard by rep to be pretty friendly (I was going to wait til wed night but decided, hey, there is nothing like the present)

I must say I had such great fun! All the guys at the club were so polite. Though I am not that good of a follow, they did not mind showing me how to do some moves and even thanked me for the dance. It's nights like this that I am reminded of why I started dancing and why I will keep on dancing.

Though I've had my share of difficulties, I am blessed to have come across all the good people such as you all in the forum that share the same passion. I am really glad to have discovered this place and it's great to meet you all!

You're welcome! We're all glad you decided to be a part of the dance-forums 'family'. Keep us updated!

dancer at heart said:

I must say I had such great fun! All the guys at the club were so polite. Though I am not that good of a follow, they did not mind showing me how to do some moves and even thanked me for the dance. It's nights like this that I am reminded of why I started dancing and why I will keep on dancing.

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That’s so good to hear you are dancing again.

When I dance with a beginner, it’s not the ability to follow, but the wanting to follow, wanting to learn, and most important, the joy and fun. Some smiles when a combination didn’t work saves everything, no need to panic.

dancer at heart said:

I guess it would be easier if I were a better dancer. Though I have a great passion for salsa, I have no previous dancing experience, therefore going thru the learning curve has been difficult and slow. I am sort of stuck in a catch-22 sort of way in order to improve, I need to go out and dance. But given that I am barely advancing into the intermediate level and my rep, many guys will not ask me to dance.

*sigh* I suppose it will not help to dwell on the mistake I've made in the past..I will try to venture out to the salsa scene again and see what happens...

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Like everyone said keep dancing! You'll get over that plateau your dancing abilities are at soon enough and begin following instinctively. As far as guys not asking you to dance, you can ask them too you know :wink: