How to explain dance to someone who does not really get it?

I love to dance, especially ballet...however, I know some people who just don't seem to get it! Now, I am not expecting them to just love ballet all of a sudden or even ever, but I can't stand when they say things like...oh, ballet is for little girls, or ballet is not a difficult thing to do, just comments like that.
Does anyone know what I am talking about? It just gets kind of frustrating sometimes. Anyway, does anyone have any stories like this? Does anyone have any good come backs, etc?
Thanks!!

I was amazed a couple of weeks ago at a friend of mine who dances at our studio. We were out one Friday night and the cafe we were at had "Centre Stage" on the TV (was being aired that night). We were watching the routines at the end and she turned to me and asked how they can bend like that. :shock:

I was amazed. Another friend was with us who has done 10+ years of ballet training and we just looked at each other. "Practice, stretching and hard work" was all we could come up with! I'm sure she thought that they were born that way! I did not realise her view of dancing was so narrow to not have experienced or at least know about other types of dance. We have vowed to take her to a couple of ballet performances to widen her dance knowledge. :wink:

I'm really into Salsa, but I'm not Latino (and my Spanish isn't even very good), so people are often surprised to hear that I dance as much Salsa as I do. When they ask questions, I usually just explain about how much I like the music and how fun it is to dance to that type of music, especially with a partner.

Perhaps you could say something similar about the music to which you dance ballet, as well as mentioning the physical benefits like flexibility, muscle tone, cardiovascular health, etc. You could also mention the social benefits of having made friends with other ballet dancers and the creativity/teamwork that's involved in a routine (if that applies to your type of ballet).

I think those are all general concepts that non-dancers can "get."

Re: How to explain dance to someone who does not really get

balletblueyes said:

I love to dance, especially ballet...however, I know some people who just don't seem to get it! Now, I am not expecting them to just love ballet all of a sudden or even ever, but I can't stand when they say things like...oh, ballet is for little girls, or ballet is not a difficult thing to do, just comments like that.
Does anyone know what I am talking about? It just gets kind of frustrating sometimes. Anyway, does anyone have any stories like this? Does anyone have any good come backs, etc?
Thanks!!

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Happens to me all the time. Mostly everyone I know with exception of my latino friends. They just don't understand my passion for Salsa. They can't get into the music, too many instruments, blah, blah, blah.. .... I, however, can't get into the music that has cussing lyrics every five seconds. :roll: Let's just say my circle of friends have dwindled significantly. :wink: I'm not suggesstion that for you. I'm sure you and your friends have other "like" interests. It is frustrating though. I'm not one who likes comebacks so instead of comebacks, I would just ask them not to make those comments, particularly if it upsets you.

If someone says to me something along the lines of, "I just don't get it...", I change the subject. Often, when they use those specific words, particularly with a certain voice inflection or body language, it doesn't mean that they "just don't get it" but "I'm just not trying to understand you." I think that when you are really trying to understand a person, you will soften your mind to see how what they do appeals to them. It might not hold the same excitement for them, but perhaps they could see the athleticism, or the beauty and appreciate it because you appreciate it, not because they enjoy it themselves.

Personally, I don't care for fishing or hunting. But I can see how, say, fishing could be relaxing or hunting could be exhilarating (pursuit). I know people who enjoy both of those things and while I don't really care to experience it myself, I see how it is beneficial for me to understand the activities at least a little so I can relate to a few of my friends when they talk about the things they enjoy.

What about people who dance and think they get it but really they don't? Like thinking that how good a dancer you are is completely dependant on the number of steps / figures you know.

How do you get through to those people? :?

dancin_feet said:

What about people who dance and think they get it but really they don't? Like thinking that how good a dancer you are is completely dependant on the number of steps / figures you know.

How do you get through to those people? :?

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If it is floating their boat, does it really matter? I mean, unless you are getting paid to critique them, why bother? Relate to them on their level and call it good and if it is really making you crazy, make new friends. I don't see any value in trying to convince someone that how they feel is wrong or that there is something incorrect in enjoying dance on a different level than my own.

motardmom said:

dancin_feet said:

What about people who dance and think they get it but really they don't? Like thinking that how good a dancer you are is completely dependant on the number of steps / figures you know.

How do you get through to those people? :?

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If it is floating their boat, does it really matter? I mean, unless you are getting paid to critique them, why bother? Relate to them on their level and call it good and if it is really making you crazy, make new friends. I don't see any value in trying to convince someone that how they feel is wrong or that there is something incorrect in enjoying dance on a different level than my own.

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Normally I would leave them to think what they want motardmom, but this is a guy I take class with and he can't be avoided. :evil: The problem is that we are getting to a stage that he is hurting me in the more complex steps because he won't listen to technique. All he wants is steps.

Maybe time to give up groups again for a while....... 8)

dancin_feet said:

motardmom said:

dancin_feet said:

What about people who dance and think they get it but really they don't? Like thinking that how good a dancer you are is completely dependant on the number of steps / figures you know.

How do you get through to those people? :?

Click to expand...

If it is floating their boat, does it really matter? I mean, unless you are getting paid to critique them, why bother? Relate to them on their level and call it good and if it is really making you crazy, make new friends. I don't see any value in trying to convince someone that how they feel is wrong or that there is something incorrect in enjoying dance on a different level than my own.

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Normally I would leave them to think what they want motardmom, but this is a guy I take class with and he can't be avoided. :evil: The problem is that we are getting to a stage that he is hurting me in the more complex steps because he won't listen to technique. All he wants is steps.

Maybe time to give up groups again for a while....... 8)

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Ahhhh.... I see your problem. Perhaps you could finesse him a little bit. Perhaps "take the blame," suggest that you need a little more practice with technique. Then stroke his ego, tell him that since he is so good with steps/figures, that perhaps he wouldn't mind working on technique with you, since he seems so sure-footed with the patterns and probably doesn't need much practice....

I wouldn't bother trying to convince him he is wrong. I would just try to see if I could, erm, manipulate him into doing what I want/need. :shock: :? Hey, maybe a miracle will happen and he will improve his own technique while you are working on yours, or he will "come around" and view more highly the importance of technique? It could happen....

Sugar him up and see what happens. Surely you couldn't end up worse off.

I get the "I don't understand..." all the time... be it from non-dancing friends, be it from my family...

I don't care anymore... I just do what I want... and what I enjoy... and let them worry

On the other hand, I have to deal with the "I cannot do this, it is too complicated for me" line... people telling me they cannot dance, they lack rhythm, they get tired... and then wonder "How can you do that???" (I am not doing aerials... just regular dancing...). They don't know or won't listen to me... I keep telling them I used to be sooo stiff (and still am in some respects)... that I couldn't hear the beat for years, that I had 10 left feet... that I could barely spin without falling down... ... and that I have improved (and still have a long way to go) due to practice and will... that nothing was easy for me... that I and not a natural-born dancer... that what others do in a couple of hours I learn in days of hard work...

Why a guy would do ballet:
1. Spending time with lots of tight and fit girls in tight fitting costumes
2. Train flexibility, body controll, balance etc. Good for other sports, especially martial arts. (The 'actor' Jean Claude van Damme started out with ballet, I think)
3. Technique useful for other types of dance
4. Flexibility in bed (leave the rest up to his imagination)

Re: How to explain dance to someone who does not really get

balletblueyes said:

I love to dance, especially ballet...however, I know some people who just don't seem to get it! Now, I am not expecting them to just love ballet all of a sudden or even ever, but I can't stand when they say things like...oh, ballet is for little girls, or ballet is not a difficult thing to do, just comments like that.
Does anyone know what I am talking about? It just gets kind of frustrating sometimes. Anyway, does anyone have any stories like this? Does anyone have any good come backs, etc?
Thanks!!

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Since people here on DF are dance nuts, and people in general tend not to be that into dance, what you are talking about is very familiar to us fellow DFers. It certainly is to me. I want to say two things here:

1. You want comebacks... I'm not good at this game at all so can't think of anything clever to say, but there are enough facts you can point to to prove comments like "ballet is for little girls" and "ballet is not a difficult thing to do" are totally ridiculous. Any self-respecting major city has its own professional full-time ballet company (full of dancers shaped like greek gods/goddesses, you might add). It's a highly respected art form, and dancers train hours every day, just like olympic medal winning gymnasts and athletes. What they can do is also akin to what those olympic gymnasts do -- they make it look easy, but try doing it yourself!

2. People who know how passionate you are about dance and still say these things to you, knowing these comments upset you, are not people you should care about. These people must also have their own hobbies and interests you don't understand the attraction of, but you don't go around telling them "oh I don't get it, it's rubbish", do you?

My ex was into chess. He was a member of a local chess club, played there every week, took part in leagues, tournaments, weekend congresses and "fun competitions". I don't get chess at all. I'm quite competitive in real life but for some reason have no taste for games. But that doesn't mean I don't understand that it must be a very intellectually stimulating hobby with enough complexity and challenge to get people totally hooked. It took IBM people years to develop a computer that could beat a world chess champion. The fact that I don't get it doesn't mean it's a worthless pursuit or waste of time.

Everybody is different. People who care about you will respect this and respect your love of dance, even if they don't understand it themselves.

i wouldn't even bother with comebacks.. if u are confident with how u feel and what u do.. no matter what it is .. no body can touch u.. actually more likely than not.. they'll envy u 8)

Re: How to explain dance to someone who does not really get

MacMoto said:

2. People who know how passionate you are about dance and still say these things to you, knowing these comments upset you, are not people you should care about. These people must also have their own hobbies and interests you don't understand the attraction of, but you don't go around telling them "oh I don't get it, it's rubbish", do you?

My ex was into chess. He was a member of a local chess club, played there every week, took part in leagues, tournaments, weekend congresses and "fun competitions". I don't get chess at all. I'm quite competitive in real life but for some reason have no taste for games. But that doesn't mean I don't understand that it must be a very intellectually stimulating hobby with enough complexity and challenge to get people totally hooked. It took IBM people years to develop a computer that could beat a world chess champion. The fact that I don't get it doesn't mean it's a worthless pursuit or waste of time.

Everybody is different. People who care about you will respect this and respect your love of dance, even if they don't understand it themselves.

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I agree with you on this MacMoto. All my friends, understand how much dance means to me and are supportive of my passion for dancing. That is why they are my friends. And as Sabor says if one has confidence in oneself what others say shouldn't matter too much, as long as it isn't overwhelming. Otherwise, it does get to you. :? Even if you don't want it to!!

Flat Shoes said:

Why a guy would do ballet:
1. Spending time with lots of tight and fit girls in tight fitting costumes
2. Train flexibility, body controll, balance etc. Good for other sports, especially martial arts. (The 'actor' Jean Claude van Damme started out with ballet, I think)
3. Technique useful for other types of dance
4. Flexibility in bed (leave the rest up to his imagination)

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Nice...I like those!! Especially #4...that should help the guys be more interested :wink: