DancingMommy
Active Member
With your life partner. :-(
What do you do? Move on (dancewise)? Quit? Tough it out?
Discuss...
What do you do? Move on (dancewise)? Quit? Tough it out?
Discuss...
When Dancing Is No Longer Fun....
- Thread starter DancingMommy
- Start date
dancin_feet
New Member
I agree, taking a break would be the best bet. You've got two issues here, dancing and your life partner. The problem could be either or both so separating the two for a while will help you find out where the problem is. Then again if he still thinks it's fun ....... :?
Dancing with the one person all the time could lead to stagnation and boredom, making dancing seem to be not as much fun as it used to be. Changing your regular routine may give you a new view that you could take back to your regular partner to make things fun again.
On the other hand, there could be other issues with the life partner that dancing is merely highlighting. If you are only experiencing problems on the dancefloor, it could just be that dancing together is getting dull. If it seems to spill out into your home life and other areas, you may need to have a "discussion".
But I would try either giving dancing a break for a while or try dancing with other people.
Dancing with the one person all the time could lead to stagnation and boredom, making dancing seem to be not as much fun as it used to be. Changing your regular routine may give you a new view that you could take back to your regular partner to make things fun again.
On the other hand, there could be other issues with the life partner that dancing is merely highlighting. If you are only experiencing problems on the dancefloor, it could just be that dancing together is getting dull. If it seems to spill out into your home life and other areas, you may need to have a "discussion".
But I would try either giving dancing a break for a while or try dancing with other people.
DanceMentor
Administrator
Take a break ... definitely
I think I realized a while ago that we may not be World Champions. I also realized that is not her goal. But she really enjoys dancing and so do I.
There will always be times of friction, but we have learned to work through it, and we have been able to increase our practice time, but we still have to take a break sometimes.
I think I realized a while ago that we may not be World Champions. I also realized that is not her goal. But she really enjoys dancing and so do I.
There will always be times of friction, but we have learned to work through it, and we have been able to increase our practice time, but we still have to take a break sometimes.
Wow, DM. I'm not asking for you to reply openly. Just wondering. Have you thought about what's making it not fun? (I'm assuming this is you we're talking about and not a hypothetical. Please correct me if that's wrong)
Different goals? Different expectations? Communication styles? Just plain old desire to spice up your dance repertoire a bit? If you can figure out what's un-fun, maybe you can address the root cause and solve the problem for a lifetime.
This is not dance-related, but I think it applies. My ex and I used to work together in the same research lab for years. While, at the beginning, it was pretty titillating and fun (especially since our coworkers didn't know we were an item yet :wink: ) after a while, it became a lot less fun. The same habits that were lovable on weekends and after work could be very annoying in the work place. Life partner and work partner are not always good matches.
Maybe the same is true with life partner and dance partner?
Different goals? Different expectations? Communication styles? Just plain old desire to spice up your dance repertoire a bit? If you can figure out what's un-fun, maybe you can address the root cause and solve the problem for a lifetime.
This is not dance-related, but I think it applies. My ex and I used to work together in the same research lab for years. While, at the beginning, it was pretty titillating and fun (especially since our coworkers didn't know we were an item yet :wink: ) after a while, it became a lot less fun. The same habits that were lovable on weekends and after work could be very annoying in the work place. Life partner and work partner are not always good matches.
Maybe the same is true with life partner and dance partner?
I think the "take a break" advice is very good. Some time away can solve a lot of issues. But, if there's an underlying problem (which, btw, is none of my business 8),) a break won't solve the problem.
Sorry. I've spent too many years doing root cause analysis at work.
But I really do think the same principles apply at home/on the dance floor. If you don't figure out why there's a problem, you're destined to re-live it. Just my thoughts. I could be wrong. (That does happen, occasionally. :wink: )
Sorry. I've spent too many years doing root cause analysis at work.
But I really do think the same principles apply at home/on the dance floor. If you don't figure out why there's a problem, you're destined to re-live it. Just my thoughts. I could be wrong. (That does happen, occasionally. :wink: )
Chris Stratton
New Member
And after the break, if you are ready to get back into it together, it might be worth considering trying to find a coach who can really inspire and help the two of you. And then take a *lot* of lessons - try to get the practice/lesson ratio low enough that you don't run out of things to do in practice and end up just in "ho, hum, another practice with YOU" mode. If there are things one person is having trouble with, taking a few lessons with the same coach but without the other partner might be a way to address that.
It really doesn't make you a bad person, if you don't want to have your SO as your dance partner. A lot of personally successful couples (including some DF members) have dance partners that are totally unrelated to their SO's. Maybe that's a solution that works for you. That's okay. 8)
chachagirlie
Member
Hi DancingMommy!
...I have a question...Is it not fun for both of you?...or just you?
How you proceed could depend on the answer...
If it only not fun for you that is one thing...if it is not fun for each of you that is different.
Everyone has had such excellent suggestions for you...take a break, find a new coach...I would add change dance styles/add a new dance. If all you do is Ballroom, perhaps try something different like Swing, Argentine Tango, Country/Western, or Salsa.
...I have a question...Is it not fun for both of you?...or just you?
How you proceed could depend on the answer...
If it only not fun for you that is one thing...if it is not fun for each of you that is different.
Everyone has had such excellent suggestions for you...take a break, find a new coach...I would add change dance styles/add a new dance. If all you do is Ballroom, perhaps try something different like Swing, Argentine Tango, Country/Western, or Salsa.
sunderi
New Member
I know my husband & I had to start dancing separately when we realized our dance goals were different. He became a pro and I went pro/am with a new instructor.
Now that I'm going to be going pro, as well, we're discussing, again, the possibility of dancing/competing together, but it looks like, for now, we're going to have different partners. For a while, at least.
It's been hard for me to deal with all of this -- he just assumed that when I decided to go pro that he would be my partner. THAT was not an easy conversation to have. But he understood, and got over it, and for now, we really do both believe that dancing with other people is the right thing for us. (It doesn't help that an awful lot of other people don't understand, and also think we should be dancing together.)
In all of this, I had an important revelation that might help you. We all see so many real-life couples dancing together as partners, and for those of us for whom that DOESN'T work, we feel like we've failed somehow. I don't know your particular situation, but one of the things I realized is that most of those couples GOT TOGETHER with someone who was ALREADY their partner. That's an entirely different proposition than BECOMING PARTNERS with someone who you're ALREADY sharing your life with. It's just a totally different situation depending on if you were dance partners first, or life partners first. It's an important distinction.
I know that in order for my marriage to thrive, my husband and I can't be partners. At least for now. That's just the way it is. And being his wife is more important to me that being his partner.
:friend:
Now that I'm going to be going pro, as well, we're discussing, again, the possibility of dancing/competing together, but it looks like, for now, we're going to have different partners. For a while, at least.
It's been hard for me to deal with all of this -- he just assumed that when I decided to go pro that he would be my partner. THAT was not an easy conversation to have. But he understood, and got over it, and for now, we really do both believe that dancing with other people is the right thing for us. (It doesn't help that an awful lot of other people don't understand, and also think we should be dancing together.)
In all of this, I had an important revelation that might help you. We all see so many real-life couples dancing together as partners, and for those of us for whom that DOESN'T work, we feel like we've failed somehow. I don't know your particular situation, but one of the things I realized is that most of those couples GOT TOGETHER with someone who was ALREADY their partner. That's an entirely different proposition than BECOMING PARTNERS with someone who you're ALREADY sharing your life with. It's just a totally different situation depending on if you were dance partners first, or life partners first. It's an important distinction.
I know that in order for my marriage to thrive, my husband and I can't be partners. At least for now. That's just the way it is. And being his wife is more important to me that being his partner.
:friend:
DancingMommy
Active Member
Thanks everyone for the generic replies. 
Now on to specifics...
My husband is the world's BIGGEST dance snob... And music snob...
ARGH!!!!
If he doesn't like the song he won't dance. If he doesn't like the tempo, he won't dance. If there's too many people on the floor he won't dance - too crowded he says. If there's not ENOUGH people on the floor he won't dance - doesn't want people to poke holes in his dancing (like he does to everyone else, I might add). He won't dance in mixers because he doesn't want to "corrupt" his dancing. <insert string of words not allowed on dance forums here>
The issues we have aren't coach related. We have the finest coach in our area for Standard.
He is incredibly inspiring and even though we can't get in every week due to financial constraints (kids & groceries come first - silly us), we do try to practice.
Practice is h-e-double-hockey-sticks. The guy is TEMPERMENTAL (think temper tantrums here people) when he can't get it *just so*. Makes me want to smack him into next week. :evil:
I'm not sure if he has an inferiority complex or *what*... Maybe he's intimadated because I *used* to teach? WHo knows. God knows I'm not the *nest* dancer in the world, but I work within my limitiations... Dunno...
Anyways, I've decided that if he doesn't like dancing socially then that is HIS problem not mine and I WILL go out and he WILL watch the kids (since all he's doing is sitting on his donkey and playing video games). I figure if he has to cool his heels at home one night amonth with the kids, he will realize what's up (I don't think this will take more than once, lol). :twisted:
My priest advised me to take some time for myself everyday. I plan to take him up on that. 8)
Now on to specifics...
My husband is the world's BIGGEST dance snob... And music snob...
ARGH!!!!
If he doesn't like the song he won't dance. If he doesn't like the tempo, he won't dance. If there's too many people on the floor he won't dance - too crowded he says. If there's not ENOUGH people on the floor he won't dance - doesn't want people to poke holes in his dancing (like he does to everyone else, I might add). He won't dance in mixers because he doesn't want to "corrupt" his dancing. <insert string of words not allowed on dance forums here>
The issues we have aren't coach related. We have the finest coach in our area for Standard.
He is incredibly inspiring and even though we can't get in every week due to financial constraints (kids & groceries come first - silly us), we do try to practice. Practice is h-e-double-hockey-sticks. The guy is TEMPERMENTAL (think temper tantrums here people) when he can't get it *just so*. Makes me want to smack him into next week. :evil: I'm not sure if he has an inferiority complex or *what*... Maybe he's intimadated because I *used* to teach? WHo knows. God knows I'm not the *nest* dancer in the world, but I work within my limitiations... Dunno...
Anyways, I've decided that if he doesn't like dancing socially then that is HIS problem not mine and I WILL go out and he WILL watch the kids (since all he's doing is sitting on his donkey and playing video games). I figure if he has to cool his heels at home one night amonth with the kids, he will realize what's up (I don't think this will take more than once, lol). :twisted:
My priest advised me to take some time for myself everyday. I plan to take him up on that. 8)
Ahh. I tried to keep it generic. Glad I don't have to do that anymore. :wink: I can relate to some of your issues. My ex was a real control freak, so working with him became difficult for me, because people were in two camps -- the ones who liked me in spite of him, and the ones who disliked me because of him. Grr.
Go out dancing. I know you're not always impressed by them, but there are a bunch of local dances between now and the holidays -- every Friday AND Saturday. Pick one or two, and go. I'm doing December 3, 11 and 18, if you want to meet up. Since I usually go alone, I end up creating a little group of strays near the back. The conversation is good, and the dancing is decidedly NOT snobbish. Maybe not always great, but not snobbish. 8)
Go out dancing. I know you're not always impressed by them, but there are a bunch of local dances between now and the holidays -- every Friday AND Saturday. Pick one or two, and go. I'm doing December 3, 11 and 18, if you want to meet up. Since I usually go alone, I end up creating a little group of strays near the back. The conversation is good, and the dancing is decidedly NOT snobbish. Maybe not always great, but not snobbish. 8)
DancingMommy
Active Member
COOL! December 18 sounds good. That's a Satuday right? PM the location/detail, etc and I'm SO there!!!!
