Jealousy and permission to dance

Hi, again, folks!
This question has stemmed from Pygmalion's question about jealous spouses (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=1023), but do you or your significant other have to ask your partner's permission before dancing with someone? :roll:

I asked a guy to dance a few months ago and they've said, "sure, but I've got to ask my girlfriend first.'' It's happened several times since then.
Now THAT'S awfully insecure! I was quite amazed...the first time, but it seems the norm among some couples...obviously it has to do with the girl's insecurity, but you'd think the guy would stick up for himself.

My reply is still in Pygmalion's thread after yours.

It depends on what point your relationship is at.

Yuck.
Just yuck. I cannot imagine voluntarily remaining for long in a relationship in which I had to ask someone else for permission to do something with my body. I would of course extend the same consideration to my (hypothetical) s.o. If he couldn't trust me to do my bit in taking care of our relationship then he doesn't know me nearly well enough.

Cheers
Sarah

I agree, Sarah. In a relationship, there's reasonable cooperation (adult behavior, IMHO) and there's obedience (childlike behavior, IMHO). A good way to destroy long-term chances for relationship's success is to mix up the two! :shock: 8)

NO WAY! I'm my own person, was my own person before my boyfriend, and will be my own person always.

The whole dance culture is about dancing with other people. Maybe it takes a while for some to understand this.

In some case people ask my permission if it's ok to ask my b/f to dance, and some guys also ask him if they can dance with me. I think they are just being polite because they know we are a couple. I think it's sweet, but I don't expect them to ask for the other's permission. I've seen it many times with some couples. They don't feel comfortable dancing with others or they have to ask before they can dance. The only time it bothers me is when a woman will hang around us all night and try to dance with my boyfriend every chance she gets. That gets annoying.

pygmalion said:

I agree, Sarah. In a relationship, there's reasonable cooperation (adult behavior, IMHO) and there's obedience (childlike behavior, IMHO). A good way to destroy long-term chances for relationship's success is to mix up the two! :shock: 8)

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DITTO!

dancergal said:

In some case people ask my permission if it's ok to ask my b/f to dance, and some guys also ask him if they can dance with me. I think they are just being polite because they know we are a couple. I think it's sweet, but I don't expect them to ask for the other's permission. I've seen it many times with some couples. They don't feel comfortable dancing with others or they have to ask before they can dance. The only time it bothers me is when a woman will hang around us all night and try to dance with my boyfriend every chance she gets. That gets annoying.

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Hi Pam,
I've had the same thing happen . . . guys would come up to Carolyn to ask her to dance (if we a re sitting, etc.). They, however, are looking at me and say, "Do you mind if I dance with . . . so on, and so on."

I think it's just a matter of courtesy!

I am accustomed to knowing everybody in the dance, so things are different for me. When we go to new places, sometimes we go with mutual friends and we don't look like a couple. That way, my wife can dance with anybody and so can I. That way, males don't feel funny asking her to dance. Many won't ask her if we come together and sit together.
I guess another question is "Why be in a relationship if you can do anything you want?" I know some people who want to stay drunk 24 hours a day. They don't because it's not good for their relationships.
I like having a jealous wife. There is one girl my wife told me not to dance with. The girl is a very good dancer, but my wife is just as good, and she is my wife. That is why I married her.
I don't really care who dances with my wife as long as they don't do anything dumb. I just act jealous so she knows I love her.
If a new girl asked me to dance without asking my wife, I'd probably just say "No." I'd like her to at least know my wife before I dance with her. That's what the ladies' rooms are for in these dances. The girls get together and talk about whose husband is the best dancer. I know, I listen to what my wife says after the dances.
Then, there are the dances that don't have a family atmosphere. Those are different.

dancergal said:

In some case people ask my permission if it's ok to ask my b/f to dance, and some guys also ask him if they can dance with me. I think they are just being polite because they know we are a couple.

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Yep, I'd agree that that's just being polite, and acknowledging the existance of a relationship.
But for one half of a couple (say, A) to have to ask the other half (B) for permission to dance with someone else implies that either A doesn't know B well enough to know wether they will be upset or not, that B doesn't trust A's judgement or that there's some rather unpleasant controlling dynamic going on within the relationsip. (In such a case I would suspect a combination of all three. IME they tend to go together.) As I said - just yuck.

Cheers
Sarah

My b/f is not jealous and although we do mostly sit together, we both get up and ask others to dance. Some men are very intimidated because my b/f is very tall and they won't ask me to dance if he is sitting next to me. If I want guys to ask me, I have to stand by myself somewhere else otherwise I'll be sitting all night. (girls have no problem asking my b/f to dance even if we are in conversation). One man even told a friend that he won't ask me to dance because he says my b/f looks too big. Come on guys, he won't bite!!!

(girls have no problem asking my b/f to dance even if we are in conversation).
-dancergal


That doesn't sound very friendly.

Vince A said:

dancergal said:

In some case people ask my permission if it's ok to ask my b/f to dance, and some guys also ask him if they can dance with me. I think they are just being polite because they know we are a couple. I think it's sweet, but I don't expect them to ask for the other's permission. I've seen it many times with some couples. They don't feel comfortable dancing with others or they have to ask before they can dance. The only time it bothers me is when a woman will hang around us all night and try to dance with my boyfriend every chance she gets. That gets annoying.

Click to expand...

Hi Pam,
I've had the same thing happen . . . guys would come up to Carolyn to ask her to dance (if we a re sitting, etc.). They, however, are looking at me and say, "Do you mind if I dance with . . . so on, and so on."

I think it's just a matter of courtesy!

Click to expand...

Yes, I agree about the courtesy. As I think I may have said before, I was "schooled" that way by my parents. So, I always involve the other half.

Because of this, I believe that the female partners don't see me in a threatening way whereas a female friend does get irrated when a certain girl is around. This other girl "pretends" that the SO is not around/does not exist :? and I have seen her flirting/leaving her hand on the boyfriend's pec muscles just a few seconds too long :shock:

I'm reading these threads with amazement. I have to ask my boyfriend? I need to check with my wife? If these threads hadn't begun in October, I'd think they were April Fools!

While I agree with Vince about the courtesy (and I would extend that courtesy to any conversation I'd be interrupting--"Would you mind if I were to ask your friend/spouse/whatever for a dance?"), the thought that anyone should need to ask permission to dance is crazy to me.

Insecure, controlling relationships--that's some majorly sad mojo going on there.