Dancing and Your Social Circle

Here's an observation. Since I started dancing two and a half years ago, my social circle has changed completely. I used to have large groups of mostly work-related acquaintances. I had dinner parties every couple weeks, lunch out with friends, and lots of culturally based activities, like orchestra concerts and ballet performances.

Now, I dance. Every spare (and some NOT spare LOL!) moment is spent on dance. I take dance lessons at lunch time. My social activities are almost all related to dance. Of course, I still have a few very close friends who don't dance, but other than that, everything I do socially revolves around dance. Can anyone else resonate with that?

And is that good or bad?

I understand. Ever since I started dancing it is all I have wanted to do. I am consumed by it. All my pre-dance friends don't like dance and so I don't feel as connected to them. I am constantly thinking about upcoming dances, practicing my dance steps, etc... and they cannot understand. I am worried about how this will affect my relationship with my best friend back home who absolutely does not dance. I am going to want to dance much of the time and she will not.

My social circle has changed too! I spend more time with dance people rather than those who don't dance. And since I am considering joining the ballroom team - if I join it - I'll be spending even more time with dance.

You outgrow some people as personal circumstances change.

As to whether relationships can withstand a dramatic change in personal interests it depends on what was the glue of those relationships. If being best friends is important to both you and your friend SwingAngel, you'll find some way to make it work. I've had quite a few non-dance friends who've tagged along and spent some time at dances, and in turn I've not gone for some dances to be with them.

Most of my friends are dance friends, but mostly from country dancing and I still see them when we country dance. Now that I'm doing a lot of west coast swing dancing, we've made new friends from those circle of dancers. But I make sure that I still take time to do stuff with my other non-dance friends, but maybe not as much as I used to.

I have three social circles; one is of course from dancing another is from watching football at a local sports bar and that of myself and three very longtime friends.

There are no dancers from the second two, but there are enough common interests that my dancing has no effect on these relationships. 8)

Sagitta said:

If being best friends is important to both you and your friend SwingAngel, you'll find some way to make it work. I've had quite a few non-dance friends who've tagged along and spent some time at dances, and in turn I've not gone for some dances to be with them.

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I know our friendship will last but I wonder if it will be strained. I know I will skip dancing to hang out with her but I don't think she will want to go to a dance.

Mostly that new-dancer, out-every-night intensity diminishes eventually and people incorporate previous interests back into their lives. It may take a few years in some cases

If you find that you're losing friends forever because they don't share one specific interest, that may say something about the depth of the friendship.

jon said:

Mostly that new-dancer, out-every-night intensity diminishes eventually and people incorporate previous interests back into their lives. It may take a few years in some cases

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Perhaps, or you find another new dance that excites you, and it you're addicted worse then ever... :twisted: :twisted:

I see what you mean, jon. When I first started dancing, I was at class literally every night -- I mean seven nights a week. And I'm no longer doing that. But the seven-nights-a-week period weeded out the true, long-lasting friends, from the close acquaintances. Now, what I have remaining is deep-seated friendships. And I mostly call those people on my non-dancing nights. LOL! :lol: 8)

Very interesting thread. Here's the perspective from the somebody who was "left behind" because he doesn't dance.

I remember having a really good friend in college- he was my mentor, 29 a the time, really smart and good-looking guy. So I loved to go to the bars with him to go chica-hunting. Then he went out to a club once by himself, and ended up falling in love with swing dancing. He got good, too, to the point where he was entering competitions. After that, we rarely ever hung out. I don't blame him, he was introduced to a whole new group of people, including many beautiful girls.

But I felt like I lost his friendship to dance. Don't mean to sound overly dramatic here, but it's true, and there's nothing wrong with that. We all hang out with the people with whom we have something in common, similar likes. Not just that, but dancing is fun- I don't do it, though from this day forth I swear to learn- but I can still say that it looks like a lot of fun. So in a sense, learning it is advantageous to not knowing how, and you are leaving the normal, less "active" art of simply socializing (and drinking) when you take up dancing.

So go dance, be free. But it doesn't hurt to keep in mind that your other friends who don't dance "miss" you, too. It's like going shopping at the grocery store with your grandmother. Grandma loves you, likes to have you around, but she can't walk as fast as you. Are you going to dart around getting what you want, telling her to "wait here" all the time? Sometimes. But for the most part you walk at her pace, for her.

Hope this reply wasn't too much of a downer. Just another point of view. Friends are friends, regardless of ability.

Relationships are in a sense like our thinking as it evolves. First we think one thing, then when it changes we never really incorporate it to our lives except when thinking back. Other beliefs and thoughts stay with us for the rest of our lives. No matter what new things we learn or incorporate to our lives those thoughts will always be there. Just like friends.

I have always enjoyed the comfort of lonesomeness.

I roll with the river; whatever happens it needed to happen. Whether it is the departing of a special friend or the making of a new one. As far as a circle of friends, it is exactly who I’m hanging out with that particular moment.

Social Circles are always changing. When I first started dancing my best friends at the time would come out once in a while. I was baffled by the fact that they weren't as head over heels in love with it as I was. But then I realized that every person has their own unique thing that fulfills them.

Luckily I have not grown apart from my 'non-dancing' friends and our relationships haven't suffered (despite the fact that I have moved one state over to the left).

And on the other side I have had the opportunity to meet some really wonderful people along the way so far in my dancing life.

Never let go of the people who mean so much to you just because they don't share a love of the same thing that you do, be it dancing or something else, IMHO.

borikensalsero said:

I have always enjoyed the comfort of lonesomeness.

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Me too. I am a social butterfly AND a lone wolf at the same time.

I know EVERYBODY. But I choose to remain by myself after the big round of greetings.

I do this because I feel like a serious surfer........observing the waves, and JUST WAITING for that next big wave to rise (and somehow hit THAT level of climax ). Sometimes, just like a real surfer, there would be no exciting waves out there. But other times, I get this mind-blowing experience that keeps me awake for some time after the night ends 8) .

ok, back to the topic !

All my friends know that I am a salsa addict; whether they are in the scene or not. So we all co-ornidate ourselves to spend time together, in or out of the scene.

So far, I can't say I've lost any true friends over my addiction......and I've made tons more through dancing :wink: !

My entire social circle has changed. While I still have my old school friends, my old uni friends, work friends and family friends, the ones I feel closest to, naturally, at this time in my life are the ones I dance with.

We can speak for hours and, though it's mostly about dancing or organising to go to a dancing event, you inevitably become close with these people (especially when you're seeing them for four and five hours, five to seven times per week).

I've also made tighter bonds with people I knew casually before I danced, who I didn't know danced...now they're fast friends, better friends because they can now share a very important part of my life.

Mind you, I do feel guilty at times. I feel like I've neglected my non dancing friends a wee bit...tut tut!

I don't have any non-dancing friends. I've moved back and forth across the country over the last three years, and I am still in contact with some old friends, but I haven't seen any of them for the past year. I visit my family every other month or so, and I know a few people here at work, but everyone I consider a (non-family) friend I know through dancing.