Ashamed of having too many lessons !

Hi,

I am dancing 3 styles at the moment and I tryly can't cope with less than 3 lessons a week. Okay maybe I can but I would prefer not.

I also have some extra lessons from visiting coaches (every 3-6 months).

I am still looking for a partner so I have to pay all these lessons myself.

I can afford them even though that means I can't buy a lot of nice clothes/shoes/accessories and I don't eat out and cook everyday.

I also cut back on travel and vacations etc so I do make a lot of sacrifices for my dancing.

It will be nice if I can find a partner again to share lessons with but that is not in my hand.

Thing is, some people treat me like I am an idiot with too money and the only reason I am so good (this is according to them, I don't think I am that good at all otherwise I won't be taking so many lessons right ?) is because I am taking so many lessons otherwise I would be pretty ordinary.

I am not sure why I am embarrased but I do .... thing is I am at a point in my dancing where those lessons actually improve my dancing a lot !

And I am so lucky to have the opportunity to coach with top coaches so I want to use this opportunity as best as I can.

Am I taking too many lessons ? Is there a point of being ashamed or embarrased for taking so many lessons especially when one is working towards doing am-am comps and NOT actually doing pro-am comps ?

I am just paranoid about ppl think I have so much money that I carry the cheapest bag and wear the cheapest shoes I own to the studio.

I really hate it when ppl joke about 'Ooooh why don't you pay for my dinner you have so much money !' or 'Ooooh why don't you buy me this or that ? You are so rich !' or 'Oooh, why don't you pay for my lessons ?'

All because I take three lessons a week by myself.

I am not even really rich and I don't know how to make ppl understand that.

The people who are saying these things to you are rude and jealous. Ignore them and do what makes you happy. Take as many lessons as you want.

I wouldn't worry about it. Follow your heart and enjoy what you do.

Each person is in a different place, different circumstances, different moccasins. And yet, we find ourselves on the same dance floor.

If others have an issue - well, its their issue. And people will talk anyway . . . .

1) It's your money, not theirs. Not only do you have a right to what you like with it, but they probably have no idea what they're talking about. People are idiots about money. To quote Oscar Wilde, people today know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Ask these friends of yours how much they have invested, how their retirement accounts are, how much debt they have, how much they're paying on rent or mortgage (and how much of that mortgage they have left), and what their income is, and watch them clam up. If they can't produce conclusive evidence of a sound financial situation, they have no business telling you how to run your finances.

2) Dance is an investment. Not just an investment in skills, but in your happiness. Studies show over and over again that people who spend their money on experiences are likely to be happier with their purchases in the long run than people who spend their money on physical things. While one retains a physical object indefinitely, one very quickly becomes accustomed to its presence and it fails to provide additional happiness. The experience, on the other hand, not only provides a happy memory but forms part of who we are. This can be a short term experience, such as a trip, or an ongoing experience, such as a series of classes. When it is an experience that builds, such as dance lessons, that provide the initial experience of learning and develop community relations (socials), expanded opportunities (competitions, workshops), and the chance to revisit the experience (practice), it all but assures happiness with the purchase, provided the subject of the experience was a positive one.

3) People who say that you're good because of your lessons are partly right. You are better because of your lessons, but that's not the only reason you improve. Any teacher can tell you about students who buy lessons, expecting the purchase to make them good dancers, but don't put the work in to take advantage of them and so they make slow progress, if any. And no matter how many lessons you take, even if you're dancing with a teacher, he can't dance for you. The fact you're practicing enough to improve so quickly that you need three lessons a week is evidence that you're a strong dancer.

Furthermore, it's easy to say, "Well if I did three lessons a week I could be as good as you," but how many people actually do what you're doing. Next time someone says that, come back at the them with, "I'll believe it when I actually see you doing three lessons a week."

And for God's sake, stop letting these poison people corrupt you. Gumption is a rare and valuable resource, and when you allow the jealous and bitter people into your life, they suck away your gumption. You are the dancer, and they... they just wish they were, and would rather find ways to bring you down then raise themselves up.

dancingirldancing said:

Thing is, some people treat me like I am an idiot with too money and the only reason I am so good (this is according to them, I don't think I am that good at all otherwise I won't be taking so many lessons right ?) is because I am taking so many lessons otherwise I would be pretty ordinary.

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I always thought the point of taking lessons was to get better... no reason to be discouraged because people say that the lessons are working. My opinion is pretty much in line with what and123 said.

suburbaknght said:

To quote Oscar Wilde, people today know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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+1 for this

(I do not mean this as advice for anyone to spend more, less, or the same amount of money on dance lessons or anything else. That's the whole point.)

dancingirldancing said:

I am not sure why I am embarrased but I do .... thing is I am at a point in my dancing where those lessons actually improve my dancing a lot !

And I am so lucky to have the opportunity to coach with top coaches so I want to use this opportunity as best as I can.

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If it's improving your dancing, and you have the opportunity to do so, do it! You are indeed lucky to be in such a position, and should cherish it, not be embarrassed by it.

dancingirldancing said:

I am not even really rich and I don't know how to make ppl understand that.

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Depends on the definition of rich. You may have more disposable income then them, does that make you rich? I wouldn't say so, but everyone has different definitions of rich. For me, if you can't build a ballroom to practice in, as an add on to your mansion, and pay instructors to come to you, you're not rich enough.

And on that note, if you told those same people that you were taking on a DIY project to build an extra room for your house (I don't even know if you live in a house but go with it), I bet instead of telling you how rich you were, they would ask how they could help.

I don't know if it'll make "them" understand it, but it's really all about budgeting. After living expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, car payments, insurance, food, etc.) everyone has a budget for "play money". And a lot of people don't even know where they are spending their play money. When I used to tell coworkers I did ballroom dancing, they often asked me how I afforded it. I told them I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm a serious man, and I do money laundering on the side. They usually say "ah", never again to bother me about how I afford anything.

dancing girl...i think the first two responses would echo mine...and you have my empathy

I feel for ya DancingGirlDancing. People make choices with their disposable income, some buy pool tables, some buy DVDs, some buy huge flat screen TVs and pay enormous cable TV bills on a monthly basis. Don't be embarassed, ashamed or try to hide the fact that this is your passion and your choice. 3 lessons a week and coaching is your choice. And truly....there are worse choices in the world. I take two double lessons a week and I have no amateur partner. Your dancing is improving and just thing, when you find/get that partner - you'll know soooo much. It is not the for audience of your studio or others, your choices for lessons. Enjoy, (BTW, I wear sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt to my lessons and change into my shoes and no one ever says a thing - our studio is like a meat locker freezer). Keep dancing this is for you, not for the peanut gallery.

dancingirldancing said:

I am not sure why I am embarrased but I do ....

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dancingirldancing said:

I really hate it when ppl joke about 'Ooooh why don't you pay for my dinner you have so much money !' or 'Ooooh why don't you buy me this or that ? You are so rich !' or 'Oooh, why don't you pay for my lessons ?'

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You are embarrassed because you have low self-esteem about having money. If you were confident that money does not define who you are as a person, then you would be okay with having it, using it how you choose, and then you would quickly dismiss the comments of these people without a second thought. The fact that you are bringing cheap bags and shoes to your studio to make others think you don't have that much money is evidence of your lack of confidence in who YOU are. Cheap shoes, nice shoes, money, no money--YOU are still YOU, a wonderful person who loves to dance!

Personally, I don't know people who would make stupid comments like "why don't you pay for my lessons?" You might try answering, "because I don't work my butt off to pay for your stuff, I work for me." Broke people who say stuff like what was said to you are not yet enlightened enough to make the connection that they are in charge of their own income.

dancingirldancing said:

I am not even really rich and I don't know how to make ppl understand that.

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Why are you even worried about this, DG? You should be PROUD of the fact that you have enough money to pay for your dancing!! In the end you can't make people understand anything. Be happy yourself, don't waste your time!

I think you should not be ashamed that you have a dream and you go for it.

Three classes a week is not much. There has been times when I was attending two ballroom classes a day. Of course our teacher had a policy of free attendance for dancers attending a class below their level, and therefore the price for two or three classes was the same than for one class.
Ignore what people say about your taking too many classes or being good only because of being rich. That's their problem if they're not dedicated enough.

This is how i think you should handle the situation next time one of the jerks who make the "rich" comments bring it up (and its guaranteed to work ) :

Idiot: "....you're so rich!"
You: "I'm not rich, I just work harder than you."
Idiot: "...:shock:..."

I've actually used this one before, and never heard a comment out of them again. :nope:

even if you were rich... who cares? what's the problem with that?

i agree that it's your life and you should feel free to spend your money on whatever it is that you value. and i also agree with josh that your embarrassment is a clue to an inner discomfort or insecurity... perhaps consider these feelings as a great launching point to gain greater comfort with your own personal power, self-worth, and value system, DGD. become at peace with these thing and you won't care one iota what others think. but in the meantime... they are doing you a favor IMO by helping call attention to what's going on within *you*.

enjoy your lessons to the fullest. and quit dressing down & feigning poverty when you go out in public. i challenge you to start dressing the part... proudly.

and some people, no matter what you do, will find something to pick on. So live for yourself and let them find another victim.