Age, and becoming an athlete

Howdy folks. Oh my goodness, I'm in another forum. What a rush.

I was having a conversation last night with my husband. I told him I'm in a very weird place with my dancing right now. I love salsa, I've been doing it for just under a year... I have so much yet to master, I'm passionate about becoming as fluid and expressive as I can be. I'm dedicated to being as good a follow as possible. I have ridiculous amounts of fun with it. I'm decent at teaching the basics.

But I know there's a whole world of dance out there that I haven't even dipped my toes into. I want to be a dancer at whom DANCERS look, and think "she knows how to dance". Right now I fear that if a real dancer were to watch me, they'd think "hehe. That's cute. Look how much she loves to dance." I want to learn ballroom... I want to try my hand at real dancesport. I want to know all the dances. I want to get out on a big shiny floor and hear an announcer say "Boleerrooo!" and dance effortlessly, and then say "SAMBA!!" and whip into another effortless dance like my feet are on springs. But I'm 29! Haven't "real" dancers been dancing since they were 6? Don't they all have backgrounds in ballet and jazz? Aren't they ridiculously flexible and stuff? Don't they dedicate hours and hours to their sport? Do they have families?

I want to gain skill, credibility, style, knowledge, strength. I want to be real. But how realistic is it for a 29 year old mother of three who dreams of homeschooling, with a professional husband who is passionate about his career? I suppose time is on my side... I can be dancing for decades, still. If Richard Gere can do it....

what about you guys? What's your story? How far can a person get when they begin as an adult? I guess I still have trouble identifying myself as a Dancer... it's a new identity and I don't feel like I deserve the title yet. I'm on the verge of creating a new me...

I started in my late 20s and am making progress, so you can too!

Well...having been a stay-at-home mother with three children, two of which I homeschooled, I would say your time, at least, for working on dancing would be very limited. I spent most of the past 25+ years at my children's and/or husband's activities. Loved it, but...in addition to the time constraints would not have been able to afford the classes and lessons 30 years ago. I started about 6 years ago at the age of 48!
I understand your question, though. I, too, want to do it all, but am limited now by my age (and working full-time!) I can go as far as my hard work, limited talent, limited time and money, will take me. I don't know how far that will be, but I'm enjoying the journey. I've certainly gone farther than I ever thought I could. Would I like to do more? You bet--I would love to teach, but it's not going to happen (except for helping out in class.) I would love to win a competition. I would love to be the one at socials that everyone wants to dance with and/or watch. I finally am comfortable calling myself a dancer--I try not to worry about giving that term a bad name!

SuzieQ, chronologically exactly the same story as you: started about 6 years ago at 48 (Spring 2000, I believe). Except that I started out from scratch, not even able to hear and follow the beat, and now for the past few years I've often been called a "natural dancer" and in class I've always been the one that the women are happy to have finally rotated to.

And that is what my goal is. Not to show off to others, but rather to be the best and most fun dancer I can be for my partners.

But certainly, being older does make it harder to meet the physical demands. Though I'm more flexible and in better shape now that I've been for a very long time. My sister has commented that I look stronger and more fit now than she ever remembers.


PS
About four or so years ago at a Scottish Games, I bought a belt for my kilt that was a wee bit too big. It was the smallest they had, but I decided to get it anyway, commenting to the vendor that I'd grow into it, since I would never get any slimmer. Well, that didn't work, because I did become slimmer.

Yes, DWise1, I'm in the best shape I've ever been, I think. In addition to the exercise from dancing, I work out, walk and do Pilates, ballet and belly dancing to improve my ballroom skills. I lost about 25pounds and have kept it off. I'm pretty flexible, don't get out of breath from my routines (finally learning to breathe!) and I can out-last some of the younger ones at the studio! But, I'm not sure how that applies to thespinna13's dilemma! Being in good physical shape seems to be a small part of it---some of the best dancers I know are "out-of-shape."

I do have the benefit of good rhythm and musicality, so I didn't quite start from "scratch" but I did start with a total lack of any idea I could do this without looking like a complete idiot!

thespinna13, does any of this help?

SuzieQ said:

Well...having been a stay-at-home mother with three children, two of which I homeschooled, I would say your time, at least, for working on dancing would be very limited. I spent most of the past 25+ years at my children's and/or husband's activities. Loved it, but...in addition to the time constraints would not have been able to afford the classes and lessons 30 years ago. I started about 6 years ago at the age of 48!
I understand your question, though. I, too, want to do it all, but am limited now by my age (and working full-time!) I can go as far as my hard work, limited talent, limited time and money, will take me. I don't know how far that will be, but I'm enjoying the journey. I've certainly gone farther than I ever thought I could. Would I like to do more? You bet--I would love to teach, but it's not going to happen (except for helping out in class.) I would love to win a competition. I would love to be the one at socials that everyone wants to dance with and/or watch. I finally am comfortable calling myself a dancer--I try not to worry about giving that term a bad name!

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SuzieQ- I think that you are dancing better than what you think! At the party that we had Friday night in fact, I heard a couple of the newbies call you an instructor! I was thinking about correcting them, but they went into another conversation after that, so I never got around to it!

Actually, it does. Especially your post. I realize that I'm the position now to compose a life for myself that would allow more dedication to dance, than the life i was thinking of a year ago.

My kids are 5, 5 and 2. They're all incredible little boys, and they're all super-talented and bright. Of course. This is every mother's kid. the point is, I want to give them, more than anything, exposure to a life full of realizing potential, witnessing people driven yet balanced, and a mother who is happy, fit and engaged. I can't do this if I lose sight of myself. it's weird. It's selfish selflessness. I have to take care of myself and realize my full potential if I want my kids to acheive theirs. I know how I am when I attend solely to my kids and husband; I go nuts. Maybe I'm not as selfless as I ought to be. Maybe I'm not as dedicated. I don't know. Right now I know that it's early enough in the game to plan my kids' education in such a way that I make time for the moderate pursual of this new interest of mine. That's the beauty of homeschooling, and living in a free country, I think. I can help make our lives exactly what they need to be for everyone to be happy. I know there are hundreds of things I can get the kids involved in that would allow me an hour here and a couple hours there to practice dance. I also know that their busy lives will require my presence. I'm ok with that.

The most important thing is balance. And you guys have shown me in a few short posts that age really isn't too much of an issue... it's more a matter of circumstance. I'll do what time allows me, and whatever I can get away with while still keeping my life and family well-balanced. However far that takes me is good enough, and I should be proud of that. I won't drive myself to be the best at everything... that's ridiculous. But I won't abandon this either. Moderation, I guess, eh? All I know is that I don't want to die not having mastered something. This is the first time I've wanted to be stellar at something so specific. That means something. I've never really had this clarity.

So thanks.. if anyone else has comments, please keep them coming.

The biggest problem you will likely face is that the dance world is poorly prepared to answer the question of "If I have 4-8 hours and $100 available a week, what exactly is it that I should do with them to achieve real results?"

Plenty of people will help you figure out how to fill your time training. A few people will tell you how to train effectively. But finding someone who can tell you how to train effectively but time/cost efficiently is extremely rare. Most succesfull competition trainers have a student community where "dance is my life" is now the norm, so efficiency is not really seen as a requirement.

that's a really good warning... I appreciate that a lot.

To me, I'd say a person is never too old to be an athlete. Never too old to be a good/inspirational dancer. Sure it might be tough to be a world-class championship dancer with a "late" (ie post teen) start, but even that's possible.

Being an athlete. to me, speaks more about a mental commitment to yourself and and achieving goals related to the activity (be it dance, or track, or whatever other activity you, personally, are approaching in an "athletic" manner. Its making a commitment to training and self-improvement.

Some people approach dance as athletes, some as artists, some as a hybrid, some as personal entertainment. And I don't think anyone is ever too old for whichever approach they desire.

SPratt74 said:

SuzieQ- I think that you are dancing better than what you think! At the party that we had Friday night in fact, I heard a couple of the newbies call you an instructor! I was thinking about correcting them, but they went into another conversation after that, so I never got around to it!

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Thanks! You're sweet! See you next week!

I like that. Well-put.

thespina13 said:

My kids are 5, 5 and 2. They're all incredible little boys, and they're all super-talented and bright. Of course. This is every mother's kid. the point is, I want to give them, more than anything, exposure to a life full of realizing potential, witnessing people driven yet balanced, and a mother who is happy, fit and engaged. I can't do this if I lose sight of myself. it's weird. It's selfish selflessness.

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The phrase I think you're looking for is "enlightened self-interest". And yes, you have it absolutely right: you can't be a good parent if you spend all of your time attending to someone else. (This is a lesson I think a lot of parents today need to learn.)

And I'll add to some of the other stories here: I started dancing at the age of 44. I'm not especially athletic, and prior to this I had never done remotely like it. Now, I'm probably not ever going to be a championship-level dancer. But that's okay. I measure myself against my own goals, and I really think that I can always get a little better each week.