"I Like to Watch" comments on DwtS

Heather Havrilesky of Salon said:

Just to prove that I am, indeed, 3,000 years old, let me add that no, of course I didn't miss the finale of "Dancing With the Stars" (see also: The Best Show of the Summer), and I was a little disappointed with the results. Now, I'll admit, Kelly Monaco has a belly that cries out for tequila shots. I'll also admit that she's plucky and likable and I've been rooting for her over, say, Rachel Hunter or Evander Holyfield. I'll even admit that she's very fit and flexible and therefore very good at those crazy lifts and back walkovers and other sexually perverse athletic stunts. But girlfriend can't dance. She can shimmy, sure, she can shake it, but she can't actually dance. So I was annoyed that she won, and irritated that the judges all gave her three 10s in her last performance when, well, it was flashy but the dancing wasn't any good.

John O'Hurley (J. Peterman from "Seinfeld") can dance. He can't shake his a**, and his gut doesn't cry out for tequila, but he can dance. Fit little bunny rabbits may be taking over the universe (and more power to them), but this is a show called "Dancing With the Stars." Remember? Let's say it together: "Dancing With the Stars"! Now, can we please hold on to our creaky Lawrence Welk values for long enough to vote for the guy who does a mean quick-step, instead of being hypnotized by big, bouncing boobies?

Who am I kidding? Big, bouncing boobies win every time, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Pop quiz!
1. We learned so many important lessons this week! But which was the most important?

a. Big, bouncing boobies win every time.
b. Only very old drunks remember INXS.
c. The only thing worse than wanting to be a soap star is dragging out your best fist-pumping, hip-thrusting rocker moves for a screaming fraudience on a reality show, just to join a band that only very old drunks remember.
d. People involved in making TV aren't fun to watch on TV.
e. "The Real World" is just cheap pornography without any of the naked butt-pumping glory.
f. Sometimes deleting pointless reality shows from your TiVo without watching them can be very thrilling, particularly if a herd of whoring sea donkeys armed with flaming Jägermeister shots and fruit-flavored condoms stampedes in right after that.

Answer Key: 1. a.

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leftfeetnyc said:

I for one, noticed the bunnies taking over the world comment right away....

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Purr said:

The Lawrence Welk show was one of televisions's most enduring musical series. The show debuted as a summer replacement show in 1955, and went on to last an amazing 27 years. Lawrence Welk's format was simple: easy-listening music, what he referred to as "champagne music," and a "family" of wholesome musicians, singers, and dancers.

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Laura said:

Me too! Tiny bubbles in the wine! Make me feel happy! Make me feel fine!

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Vince A said:

I'm J/K . . . I "had" to watch it every weekend with my parents, but you know . . . I remember those nights when the "right" song came on . . .
especially those faster songs that could be Jitterbugged to (which, if I recall, was seldom on that show) but my Mom (NY State Jitterbug champion, two-years in-a-row) would grab me, and a-dancing we went . . .

"Thanks, Mom."*tears swelling*

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Purr said:

The Lawrence Welk show was one of televisions's most enduring musical series. The show debuted as a summer replacement show in 1955, and went on to last an amazing 27 years. Lawrence Welk's format was simple: easy-listening music, what he referred to as "champagne music," and a "family" of wholesome musicians, singers, and dancers.

Click to expand...