What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

[LoveTango]

I'd take that as a compliment and feel honored.

But, under the condition that the person who gave the compliment is not too bad a dancer, right?

 

[LoveTango]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable in that scenario; after all, it's at the end of a milonga, so it's not like you're trying to corner him into dancing with you. You simply put yourself on his radar, and I don't see anything wrong with that. Indeed, it's quite flattering.

However, that doesn't mean he will or even should ask you. If he feels that he can't lead you well and safely — if he is incapable of leading you in the way you wish to be led, for instance, or if the floor conditions are beyond his ability to handle — then he has a responsibility not to dance with you. It doesn't mean that leaders can't or don't take calculated risks, but any leader worth his salt will take these sorts of things into account before making the invitation.

Yes. I am all prepared not to be invited after all. Everybody should have the freedom not to dance with someone. And no need for an excuse either.

 

[LoveTango]

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable only flattered.
If he doesn't come to you, you could come to him.
Men like when women approach them. Sometimes we would like to feel wanted.
We are not in Argentina or at some festival to strictly follow cabeceo.

I think I have done my part. Now it is all up to him. I don't have to beg him to dance.

 

[Joe]

Kindness costs you nothing, and yet you choose to laugh at her. What do you think this says about you, and your attitude?

Ah, schadenfreude!

 

[Mladenac]

I think I have done my part. Now it is all up to him. I don't have to beg him to dance.

I haven't noticed how long do you have been dancing and the size of the community.
It wouldn't kill if you come next time and see if he is in the mood and approach him.
I call followers depending on their mood. I don't want to hear complaints during the dance or to feel sluggish dancing.

 

[twnkltoz]

You're going to feel what you feel regardless of anything else, so it really doesn't matter, but...yes.

As someone else said, things are difficult enough. Do you really have to make them harder, or take pleasure in someone else's difficulty? How do you know someone out there isn't saying the same thing about you (who has brought up your years of dancing, and has pointed out your being a professional)? How would you feel if you found out someone was saying the same things about you?

Kindness costs you nothing, and yet you choose to laugh at her. What do you think this says about you, and your attitude?

Given that I am nice and encouraging to everyone I meet in the dance world (I admit I'll hide to avoid dancing with someone truly painful, but I never ever discourage anyone to their face or let them know I'm unhappy to be dancing with them), no I wouldn't like it if someone said that about me. There's no foundation for it.

However, I found her attitude toward a beginner (and a leader no less--when we badly need more of them), in a beginning class where he belonged, inexcusable. After dancing with her for those few minutes, he was so demoralized he might have left if I wasn't there and he felt obligated to stay.

 

[dchester]

Why is it that so many women on this thread feel that there is imbalance.

My guess would be because it's true for where they dance. Are you really trying to make the argument that because there is no gender imbalance in the London England area, that there must not be a gender imbalance in Podunk Mississippi either?

Is it because they they stay local and hope for the best?

I suspect you don't have any idea of the size of the US. If you live in a rural area, you might have to drive a couple hours for the closest milonga. The availability of tango around major cites is quite different from what is available far away from big cities.

 

[dchester]

Kindness costs you nothing, and yet you choose to laugh at her. What do you think this says about you, and your attitude?

twnkltoz,

I'm pretty much with Peaches on this one, and I'll point out one more possibility.

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be rude, but I realize this might come across as such, but that's really not my intent.

To me, it sounds like you and Miss Piggy are in a similar situation, (with respect to how many dance invitations you are getting). It might be worth investigating the possibility that you both could have some things in common, as to the reasons why you both aren't getting a lot of dance invitations.

 

[twnkltoz]

twnkltoz,

I'm pretty much with Peaches on this one, and I'll point out one more possibility.

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be rude, but I realize this might come across as such, but that's really not my intent.

To me, it sounds like you and Miss Piggy are in a similar situation, (with respect to how many dance invitations you are getting). It might be worth investigating the possibility that you both could have some things in common, as to the reasons why you both aren't getting a lot of dance invitations.

I have accepted the fact that I am just not good enough to get dances in some environments. Right here on this thread. I haven't claimed to be good, only that my leaders seem to enjoy dancing with me by their reactions. And I definitely do not treat other dancers poorly.

 

[Zoopsia59]

After dancing with her for those few minutes, he was so demoralized he might have left if I wasn't there and he felt obligated to stay.

He was demoralized by her eye rolling or by the fact that he was having trouble leading her?

 

[Peaches]

And I definitely do not treat other dancers poorly.

*deleted for purposes of civility and futility*

 

[ant]

My guess would be because it's true for where they dance. Are you really trying to make the argument that because there is no gender imbalance in the London England area, that there must not be a gender imbalance in Podunk Mississippi either?

I suspect you don't have any idea of the size of the US. If you live in a rural area, you might have to drive a couple hours for the closest milonga. The availability of tango around major cites is quite different from what is available far away from big cities

I felt a strong negetivity in some of the posts.

Many of the posts came from followers that are much closer to large conurbations than one hour compared to your two hours to travel to a small community milonga.

Where it is the case that you need to travel two hours to get to such a milonga, thats difficult and then I would have thought that Zoops philosphy of making the best of your situation would be relevant.

However where people are near large conurbations then they can get out there and their complaints do not appear to fall into your categorisations.

 

[jennyisdancing]

I felt a strong negetivity in some of the posts.

Many of the posts came from followers that are much closer to large conurbations than one hour compared to your two hours to travel to a small community milonga.

Where it is the case that you need to travel two hours to get to such a milonga, thats difficult and then I would have thought that Zoops philosphy of making the best of your situation would be relevant.

However where people are near large conurbations then they can get out there and their complaints do not appear to fall into your categorisations.

FWIW, most dance events (AT or otherwise) are an hour or so drive from me. That's considerable time and gas money.

Still, even if the events were closer, it doesn't change the the gender ratio and therefore (back to thread topic) the challenge of being a follower and getting asked to dance enough. I live in a suburb of a major city and, considering the population, the dance community seems ridiculously small, and most events struggle to grow their attendance, especially among men.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

FWIW, most dance events (AT or otherwise) are an hour or so drive from me. That's considerable time and gas money.

Same for me USA is a very large place indeed.
Cannot contribute to the gender imbalance discussion though... I hear some women around me complaining. I would say our community is on a leaders-heavy side. For me it has always been beyond sheer numbers.
If all I wanted was to just get off my a$$ and go on the floor, I would have had very little problems...

 

[ant]

FWIW, most dance events (AT or otherwise) are an hour or so drive from me. That's considerable time and gas money.

Still, even if the events were closer, it doesn't change the the gender ratio and therefore (back to thread topic) the challenge of being a follower and getting asked to dance enough. I live in a suburb of a major city and, considering the population, the dance community seems ridiculously small, and most events struggle to grow their attendance, especially among men.

For what it is worth I was not refering to our debate but rather to some other posts prior to that.

I was hoping that through our debate I would get to understand some of the problems from a point of view different to that which I am thinking.

I do find it surprising that there is a problem in a city the size of Philidelphia I wonder if people drift over to NYC where my experience suggests that along with Berlin is the most vibrant Tango city outside BsAs.