What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

How is that different? It's one thing when you both prefer to just sit and talk. I'm talking about when someone corners you and talks your ear off.

I understand. The point is, we may not know what is really going on. There is no obligation to dance or make oneself available for asking.

About the differences. In ballroom parties, in general, people come to dance. It is encouraged to dance and switch partners as much as possible. The social norm is to be inclusive, and circulate. It is considered impolite to decline an invitation without a very good reason. In milongas, it is not the case. I would say it is somewhat the opposite: one needs a good reason to ask or say "yes".

Hence, the question of a newcomer from other social dances background: "I go to a venue. The leader-follower ratio is good, I look and behave nicely, I do not have two left feet, I introduce myself around, and still some people do not ask me. What is wrong with the picture? What else would it take to get dances?"
What I am trying to say that in milongas and practicas at times it takes much more because the group dynamic might be more complicated. Some people did not come with an intention to dance or did not intend to circulate (much). I may go to a milonga to listen to music, drink a glass of vine and chat with a friend who just came back from a trip. In some dance parties it would be rude and unsocial to behave that way, in a milonga it is perfectly fine.

Of course, in tango communities there are also people who like to circulate a lot, to welcome newcomers. But it is good to be aware of different tendencies, not to take some things that are going on in a milonga personally, and make them discourage you. Although it might not be easy at times.

 

[twnkltoz]

I understand. The point is, we may not know what is really going on. There is no obligation to dance or make oneself available for asking.

I see what you're saying--but, again, I'm not talking about two people participating in a two-way, consensual conversation. I'm talking about when someone monopolizes me in conversation, thereby making it less likely that someone else will ask me to dance. Or does the same to someone else, so the person who's being talked at doesn't get to dance when they want to but don't want to be rude and break off the conversation.

About the differences. In ballroom parties, in general, people come to dance. It is encouraged to dance and switch partners as much as possible. The social norm is to be inclusive, and circulate.

Eh...yes and no. It's just as normal to show up with your partner and only dance with each other. There are plenty of people who will only dance with their circle, friends, good dancers, dancers they perceive to be of a similar level, etc. I actually don't get many invites there, either, but in that case it's either because they know me and know I'm a teacher and therefore are shy, or because they don't know me. There was a dance I went to for a while that was a small enough community that the leaders finally felt comfortable asking me, so they got to be really fun for me.

It is considered impolite to decline an invitation without a very good reason. In milongas, it is not the case. I would say it is somewhat the opposite: one needs a good reason to ask or say "yes".
Hence, the question of a newcomer from other social dances background: "I go to a venue. The leader-follower ratio is good, I look and behave nicely, I do not have two left feet, I introduce myself around, and still some people do not ask me. What is wrong with the picture? What else it takes to get dances?"
What I am trying to say that in milongas and practicas at times it takes much more because the group dynamic might be more complicated. Some people did not come with an intention to dance or did not intend to circulate (much). I may go to a milonga to listen to music, drink a glass of vine and chat with a friend who just came back from a trip. In some dance parties it would be rude and unsocial to behave that way, in a milonga it is perfectly fine.

This is very good info, and something I hadn't thought of.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

Eh...yes and no. It's just as normal to show up with your partner and only dance with each other. There are plenty of people who will only dance with their circle, friends, good dancers, dancers they perceive to be of a similar level, etc. I actually don't get many invites there, either, but in that case it's either because they know me and know I'm a teacher and therefore are shy, or because they don't know me. There was a dance I went to for a while that was a small enough community that the leaders finally felt comfortable asking me, so they got to be really fun for me.

Being experienced in dance community dynamics, albeit somewhat different, is an advantage. Good luck!

 

[basicarita]

I think what Paula said does hold true some of the time but, I have also found out that some very decent souls were hesitant to ask me (early Thirties, relatively young where I dance) because "you're young enough to be my daughter". Aw....

LOL. Those would be the ones I would want to dance with. I would think they would be gentlemen!

 

[newbie]

Sometimes those two sitting together in a milonga, talking to each other do not want to dance indeed, then it is not rude, it is perfectly fine. That is another difference from ballroom dance parties, btw.

How is that different? It's one thing when you both prefer to just sit and talk. I'm talking about when someone corners you and talks your ear off.

A.T includes a lot of talking. Even when on the dancefloor. During the thirteen first beats you are supposed to chat, and wait the 14th to start dancing. But once you start dancing you don't talk anymore, unlike ballroom. In my ballroom years (social, not comp) I could hear the advanced couples chatting while dancing. A.T is less autopilot, the mind is less available for chatting.

 

[Peaches]

Thirteen? Really? Exactly that many? Where did that rule come from?

 

[JohnEm]

Thirteen? Really? Exactly that many? Where did that rule come from?

Yeah - and we have to start on the 14th . . . . really, the 14th?

Ok then, start counting.


Sorry, can't talk . . . . I'm counting.

 

[LoveTango]

I read from somewhere that you are supposed to wait a little after the music start and then everyone would start dancing almost all at the same time. If you started too soon, You act impolite like you start eating before everyone else at dinner table. If you chatted too long, you block other dancer. "14th" beat sounds very precise.

 

[bordertangoman]

Thirteen? Really? Exactly that many? Where did that rule come from?

That's just predictable 2 beats per bar; first movement = 8 bars = 16 beats
so really it ought to be on the 17th; first beat of second movement, but I go for for an offbeat synchopation on a prime number myself, ......except if Leo is Trine with cancer in which case a CCW giro is called for as an opening gambit*


*unless there's a singer, in which case I go against the line of dance heading for the bar

 

[Indiana_Jay]

That's just predictable 2 beats per bar; first movement = 8 bars = 16 beats
so really it ought to be on the 17th; first beat of second movement, but I go for for an offbeat synchopation on a prime number myself, ......except if Leo is Trine with cancer in which case a CCW giro is called for as an opening gambit*


*unless there's a singer, in which case I go against the line of dance heading for the bar

:uplaugh:

 

[Ampster]

A.T includes a lot of talking. Even when on the dancefloor. During the thirteen first beats you are supposed to chat, and wait the 14th to start dancing.

That seems to be a long time before starting to move... at least from where I'm from. By that time, you would already be blocking traffic.

I read from somewhere that you are supposed to wait a little after the music start and then everyone would start dancing almost all at the same time.

That's what happens in a milonga most of the time

 

[Zoopsia59]

Thirteen? Really? Exactly that many? Where did that rule come from?

Maybe he's confusing it with Chacarera where you really do start on a specific beat after waiting.

 

[Zoopsia59]

I read from somewhere that you are supposed to wait a little after the music start and then everyone would start dancing almost all at the same time. If you started too soon, You act impolite like you start eating before everyone else at dinner table. If you chatted too long, you block other dancer.

This is true in Buenos Aires. I've never seen it outside of BA, but my travel for tango is admittedly limited.

 

[dchester]

I read from somewhere that you are supposed to wait a little after the music start and then everyone would start dancing almost all at the same time. If you started too soon, You act impolite like you start eating before everyone else at dinner table. If you chatted too long, you block other dancer. "14th" beat sounds very precise.

Yeah, the custom is to wait a bit before starting (although I've never heard of the 14 beat rule before). Usually, I'll take my cue from the music as when to start, which depending on the song, could vary quite a bit.

After thinking about it, there's probably nothing wrong with starting at beat 14. It's just not what I do.

 

[tangobro]

...we've only been doing this a month, Greg and I have been going out dancing 2-4 nights per week...

you've been dancing AT for about 1 month. As I posted earlier, my 2 top reasons for asking are:

1- I've danced with her before & feel we are compatible for the tanda being played.
2- I've seen her dance with other leaders who have a style I admire & I think we may be compatible.

It may take me a month at #2 before I try to find if she will she be a good dancer with me

I will almost never ask a lady who is with another guy, so if you are there with your husband, and you are together (not he off dancing or sitting somewhere else) I probably would not ask.