Elbow tension
- Thread starter Nina22
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Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
How do I (preferable politely) make my partner lose up his wrist/arm when he's holding me in a way that creates tension in my elbow?
I've only experienced this with beginners but nevertheless it's never comfortable :-|
If he pushes your arm with his, do not push back. Make sure your arm is relaxed, the elbow looking down. Sometimes it is enough. If it is not:
In between songs look at him with an uneasy smile, and start shaking/rubbing your arm. When he asks you what's wrong, gently tell him about the problem.
Take your arm away during the dance if you can, and keep dancing that way for a while, then readjust it. If he asks you what's going on, gently tell him about the problem.
Or: Just tell him about the problem, as gently as you can.
All that may not work, as often a person in question lacks body control/understanding/proper technique for the comfortable embrace, and therefore simply cannot make necessary corrections on the spot (or corrects the position, and a minute later falls back into the old ways).
tangobro
Active Member
How do I (preferable politely
I've only experienced this with beginners but nevertheless it's never comfortable :-|
If your partner is a guy - tell him "you are holding me in a way that creates tension in my elbow". Lily O V's suggestion of relaxing the arm has worked for me with some women who put too much tension in their right arm, but I would recommend a direct statement to a guy, rather than non verbal hints.
The same caveat applies - he may not know the correct technique to correct the problem.
If he pushes your arm with his, do not push back. Make sure your arm is relaxed, the elbow looking down. Sometimes it is enough. If it is not:
In between songs look at him with an uneasy smile, and start shaking/rubbing your arm. When he asks you what's wrong, gently tell him about the problem.
Take your arm away during the dance if you can, and keep dancing that way for a while, then readjust it. If he asks you what's going on, gently tell him about the problem.
Or: Just tell him about the problem, as gently as you can.
All that may not work, as often a person in question lacks body control/understanding/proper technique for the comfortable embrace, and therefore simply cannot make necessary corrections on the spot (or corrects the position, and a minute later falls back into the old ways).
How do I (preferable politely
I've only experienced this with beginners but nevertheless it's never comfortable :-|
I've experienced this mostly with leaders who hold their arm too far forward of their own shoulder line. If you are in parallel close embrace, his left hand needs to be in the line of his shoulders or only VERY slightly in front of that line. Otherwise, YOUR right hand ends up behind your own shoulder line. One of the reasons I have this problem is that more and more, people here are dancing a real V or a slight V. Or they are accustomed to open embrace and are either learning CE or I'm just closer than they are used to.
I've used several solutions:
One is to switch to the V and give up on a parallel CE with them. With more distance between the 2 of you on your right side, it's easier to keep your arm from getting pushed behind you.
Another way is to open the embrace even while staying parallel.
In ANY case, do drop your elbow so that it points to the floor. I found that this made a huge difference to me with EVERY partner, even those I had not been conscious of discomfort dancing with. Your forearm should be more vertical than horizontal.. the closer to your partner you are, the more straight up and down it will need to be.
A different scenario is if the leader holds his hand so that his palm faces the left side of his face. In that case, having his hand in line with his shoulders creates a very uncomfortable twist in your wrist if you are in parallel CE. If he holds his hand this way, it's actually better if his hand is more forward of his shoulder line and maybe even in line with YOUR shoulders. (or if you are in a V)
So without knowing exactly what he's doing that causes you trouble, the answers could be opposite of what would help.
I actually had a shoulder injury earlier this year (not from dancing... from home renovation) which limited the ways I could use my right arm and the positions I could have it in. It was a blessing in disguise, because I had to simply rest my right hand on the leader's chest directly in front of me in many instances. For the ones who had awkward arm positions, it solved the problem. For the ones who had a tendency to overuse the arms for leading, they had to work on using their body to lead instead of driving me around with their arms.
Injury is always a great excuse for suggesting a change, and you don't even have to make it about that leader... you can blame the existing injury and tell him what you need to do to protect it. In the process, he might learn a new way.
And without knowing how he is holding her... neither do we. The fix for one problem might make a different problem worse.
bordertangoman
Well-Known Member
I advise my students to have "presence" in the arm rather than pressure, so if a strong pivoting lead comes through the hand then you respond, but when in neutral so to speak, the hands and arms stay relaxed.
Ask if you can try this with him?
Ask if you can try this with him?
Guys may not want hurt their partner, but many guys also get rather huffy and defensive when the follower suggests that they are doing something wrong. Most followers have had the experience of a leader who is rather poor correcting HER as though he is a tango god, or simply telling her that she needs to change (fix) something to avoid the problem rather than taking some responsibility himself.
So giving input to someone who hasn't asked for it is tricky (except when you really don't care how he reacts and plan to avoid him in the future anyway)
I've found that beginners are eager for feedback. "Intermediate" or advanced beginners are less so. And the people who have been dancing for years but stopped improving about 2 months in are the worst. There are good and bad ways to give feedback, but no matter how you give it, sometimes it will fall on deaf ears regardless.
I don't suggest he should be told he is doing it wrong, just that whatever he is doing is causing the follower discomfort, right or wrong.
If one doesn't give feedback, the other options are to tolerate the pain or not dance with him again.
So we're in agreement.
Nina22
Member
This one is tricky because it's my ex and he is sooooooooooooo sensitive to all corrections AND he insists on dancing with me. He's a wonderful guy on all other levels but I secretly wish he would stop wanting to dance tango (at least with me).
He has taken many private lessons; I might tell his teacher to tell him about the arm tension?
He has taken many private lessons; I might tell his teacher to tell him about the arm tension?
Don't approach it as a correction to his dancing. Approach it as a problem you are having - pain/discomfort - and maybe he can help you with it.
Hock Siew
Member
If I ever did anything that was uncomfortable to the person I`m dancing with, I`d like to be the first to know about it!