head pressers

[Wanderer2]

You say, "no thank you".
... if the follower gets her foot stepped on, that it's possibly her fault, for not creating the space for the leader to step into.

That is definitely true, if a woman does not translate the leader's stepping impulse into a corresponding size step. It usually happens if the women does not have/use sufficient core strength.

With much energy in the step, braking (=not stepping upon) might be impossible for the leader ...

 

[jfm]

D and W: that's all very well, but you are probably coming from a personal knowledge where you can lead a step. There are guys who don't give much impulse forward and have their weight backwards on their heels, if you are a small woman dancing with a very tall man who does this, and you are not an advanced and therefore infallible follower you are in trouble. I'd also like to point out that in a small community it is very hard to get people who have been dancing for 10 years (badly with no progress for at least 8 of those years) to change, and you can't afford to make enemies.

Like the poor girl who complained about being stamped on and got all that bother back, it's not a case of not "liking" them, it's a case of not wanting to be hurt. I think compromise goes a long way, if you notice that every time you dance, when you do certain things (like suddenly decide to take massive steps very quickly without any warning in terms of adjusting your forward intention etc) things go wrong, why not try to accomodate your partner. if she can't do something (it might be a giro, or take massive steps, or traspie whatever) don't lead it.

on the subject of head pressers:
I think I'm going to have to go with saying "no thank you" or stopping the dance early, even though it does seem very insulting to say thank you after one dance and there is always the worry that people will notice (they do watch for stuff like this-i know i've had people tell me they've seen it) and will think you are a cow and not ask you just in case you do the same to them.

 

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

Well, you know, perhaps it is their loss then. A girl has to have some standards.
What if the partner was a pervert? Would you tolerate inappropriate touching just to look like a nice person in the eyes of other leaders? I guess not. Why would you tolerate physical pain and harm for the same reason? How is it more acceptable? It is your body.

 

[Madahlia]

I'd also like to point out that in a small community it is very hard to get people who have been dancing for 10 years (badly with no progress for at least 8 of those years) to change, and you can't afford to make enemies.

That's true. We usually have to work with what we've got.

I think I'm going to have to go with saying "no thank you" or stopping the dance early, even though it does seem very insulting to say thank you after one dance and there is always the worry that people will notice (they do watch for stuff like this-i know i've had people tell me they've seen it) and will think you are a cow and not ask you just in case you do the same to them.

Yup, some people seem to have time at milongas for this kind of observation. Me, I prefer to be dancing, chatting or dreaming. Also, even though I've (almost) never done this to anyone people seem to think I will anyway - so you may as well please yourself, jfm.