If I dance with someone who smells, I can tolerate during the dance. However, after that dance, my hair become saturated with the smell of perfume (or even garlic). I can smell it throughout the evening. I am sure other people who dance with me would smell it as well. It bothers me. How could I avoid dancing with a person who would make me smell like a man (though there is nothing wrong with the dance itself). I don't want to make him feel bad. Thanks!
How Do I Refuse Someone Who Wear Too Much Perfume
- Thread starter LoveTango
- Start date
bastet
Active Member
Just MHO, but do you think it's possible you may be reading more in to what other people think and making your priorities theirs as well? Altough my personal preference would be to not have people wearing too much strongly scented stuff (and I do come home smelling like 3 or 4 different leaders when I go out of an evening), it hasn't affected anyone asking me for a dance in the last 5 1/2 years that I can ever tell and no one has ever mentioned it to me, not even my other half when we get home. (I'm usually the one who makes the smell comment, not him).
If you hate or are sensitive to (as a personal preference) other smells on you, then I guess maybe you'll have to avoid his gaze or perhaps dance in open.
Thank you, bastet.
It is common that I "come home smelling like 3 or 4 different leaders". I can live with that. What I mentioned above is specially strong scent which I can smell throughout the night. It is not imaginative that this smell bothered another leader.
"...but do you think it's possible you may be reading more in to what other people think and making your priorities theirs as well? " I don't quite get it. Do you mean that I shouldn't make others give up perfume? I don't mean that, I am just looking for a way to avoid dancing with a certain person, and it is not because of his dance. Avoiding gaze will not work.
The same way, I'd imagine, that you would refuse anyone who asks and you don't want to dance with (namely, by avoiding eye contact or saying that you're resting when he asks).
If you like his dancing and this is the only obstacle between you, perhaps consider finding a way to let him know that he's used too much cologne. Depending on his personality and how the two of you interact, you might be able to get away with making a little joke about it. Hopefully, he'd take the hint and you'd have done him a favor. If he doesn't, at least you tried, and you still have the option of refusing after that!
If you like his dancing and this is the only obstacle between you, perhaps consider finding a way to let him know that he's used too much cologne. Depending on his personality and how the two of you interact, you might be able to get away with making a little joke about it. Hopefully, he'd take the hint and you'd have done him a favor. If he doesn't, at least you tried, and you still have the option of refusing after that!
Linda J Schlensker
New Member
A lot of people have issues with the smell of the various products. Some even have allergies. I have given up garlic and onion in my diet and don't wear any scented products. I have been known to offer mints to friends who could use a little help. I also think it is OK to the a discrete conversation with someone with their best interests at heart. These go along the lines of: "John, you must have had a wonderful lunch today. I don't think you were aware how much garlic was in it. I have a little mouth wash in back if you want to knock it back." With cologne I go more along the line of, "John, I don't know why but my nose is reacting to your cologne. I'm sorry, but I can't afford a headache right now." In the long run it is a kindness to let people know. Scents are a tricky issue. We wear them to make ourselves more attractive to the people we care about. What works when we are three or more feet from someone is way too much when we are in their arms. Another option is to find a good friend of the person and tell them what the problem is. I have friends who will tell me I missed a zipper, have toilet paper on my heel or some other social ill and I cherish them.
Generally: "I love dancing with you, but I'm afraid that I have very sensitive sinuses... I'd be really grateful if you wouldn't mind toning down the cologne in the future (nice-smelling though it is)...." <Pantomime blinking eyes and tingling sinuses, for warmly-humorous effect, and smile warmly.>
bastet
Active Member
Thank you, bastet.
It is common that I "come home smelling like 3 or 4 different leaders". I can live with that. What I mentioned above is specially strong scent which I can smell throughout the night. It is not imaginative that this smell bothered another leader.
"...but do you think it's possible you may be reading more in to what other people think and making your priorities theirs as well? " I don't quite get it. Do you mean that I shouldn't make others give up perfume? I don't mean that, I am just looking for a way to avoid dancing with a certain person, and it is not because of his dance. Avoiding gaze will not work.
No- I was just saying that if you in general don't like to smell other people's scents and it makes you not want to dance with them, it doesn't follow that it will be the same for others, ie- that if they smell someone's cologne on you they will avoid dancing with you. I suppose it's entirely possibe, I just haven't, to my knowledge, ever had that as an obstacle for me..."gee, you smell like so and so, or I'd dance with you...."
I guess I'm trying to get my head around the difference between "coming home smelling like 3 leaders" versus particularly strong cologne that sticks with you all evening...to me that sounds like the same thing...or did I just miss something?
If it's particularly obnoxious scent you just absolutely hate and just don't want it near you, then maybe something like what everyone suggested will work...
The few times someone has had particularly strong cologne I didn't like at all, I just went to the bathroom and washed myself down a little....wet wipes come in handy.....good luck!
This ^
Just say it, and keep it simple, short, and direct. Most guys would find it very annoying to hear a paragraph about it, when a sentence is all it takes.
Mosca Negra
New Member
Any one with Argentine Tango experience knows that too much scent can be a problem for a multitude of reasons. One should be honest and direct with inexperienced dancers. I have discovered those covered in scent to be unaware and most are thankful for bringing the issue to their attention. Only a few have been offended. I refuse to dance with experienced dancers who bath in cologne.
Sagitta
Well-Known Member
I am sensitive to odors. There are certain types of people who have a greater possibility of having natural body odors (sweat...etc) that bother me, based on past experience, and so I hesitate to ask them. (Deliberately couching in vague language not to offend. ;-) )
If something bothers you that much you should be able to say no as I don't think that the guy asking would really want you to say yes and have his one dance bother you in that way the rest of the evening. Just say "no thanks". And mentioning that strong colognes bother you sounds perfectly reasonable. Most people know about allergies and being sensitive to such things.
If something bothers you that much you should be able to say no as I don't think that the guy asking would really want you to say yes and have his one dance bother you in that way the rest of the evening. Just say "no thanks". And mentioning that strong colognes bother you sounds perfectly reasonable. Most people know about allergies and being sensitive to such things.
Actually, the other leader will not be able to find out about the smell until they started dancing with me. I can tell that at least one of them was very much bothered.... Well this is not exactly the point. The point is that I was bothered by the smell, so will have to take an action.
opendoor
Forum Master
Dancing With Tears in my Eyes
Hi LoveT, that really is a problem, and also the other way round. As a leader, I don´t want to carry along the whole dance history of that night beneath my right arm pit. But very often it is actually that way, and only a new shirt can help out. There were women that really have ruined a tango night. I went home then, because I hadn´t got along that emergency shirt.
But there is kind of a much greater problem: perhaps you know this hit from the 80th youtube.com/watch?v=ZPV76PnBsBc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPV76PnBsBc
I do react allergic on some perfumes, and in that case I finish a dance sniffling and watering. Another turn of that screw: a woman has a cat, dog, horse, or mice at home. This actually will paralyse me for exactly 2 days. (Fish, turtles, and snakes are inoffensive for me and will go. So what about you?
)
So I think, allergy could also be an excuse for you, not to dance with someone who does not smell properly.
Hi LoveT, that really is a problem, and also the other way round. As a leader, I don´t want to carry along the whole dance history of that night beneath my right arm pit. But very often it is actually that way, and only a new shirt can help out. There were women that really have ruined a tango night. I went home then, because I hadn´t got along that emergency shirt.
But there is kind of a much greater problem: perhaps you know this hit from the 80th youtube.com/watch?v=ZPV76PnBsBc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPV76PnBsBc
I do react allergic on some perfumes, and in that case I finish a dance sniffling and watering. Another turn of that screw: a woman has a cat, dog, horse, or mice at home. This actually will paralyse me for exactly 2 days. (Fish, turtles, and snakes are inoffensive for me and will go. So what about you?
)So I think, allergy could also be an excuse for you, not to dance with someone who does not smell properly.