We only danced rarely and she was often critical, always "the teacher". She wanted me to be a different dancer, rather than the one I am. I don't think she was ever going to approve of my dancing. I couldn't dance with her, but I could learn from her.
When do you stop being a beginner?
- Thread starter MadamSamba
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We only danced rarely and she was often critical, always "the teacher". She wanted me to be a different dancer, rather than the one I am. I don't think she was ever going to approve of my dancing. I couldn't dance with her, but I could learn from her.
reminds me of a salsera who in lesson would whisper to each partner. "you're the only one who knows how to do this properly"
she got plenty of dances afterwards
I'm going to try that next time out!
Peaches
Well-Known Member
That's an interesting way of putting it... For you, do you have the sense that the difference comes from knowing what is, truly, your mistake versus a partner's?
The reason I ask is because I'm thinking of a question posed in some thread here on D-F long, long ago which was, essentially: if you were somewhere (say, a festival or something) and the "headlining star" teacher were to come up and ask you to dance...would you accept, or not? I remember when the question was asked I would have politely declined, because the person would have been so much better than me, and I'd be embarrassed if I messed up. Since then my opinion has changed. Yes, they'd still be so much better than me...but I'm more confident of my own abilities, and mindful of deficiencies. Now, I'm confident enough to realize that if someone more advanced asks me to dance, and can't adjust his dancing down to my level, and ends up making me/us look or feel bad because of it...the fault lies with him. Someone who can't dance down to the level of their partner either isn't that good of a dancer, or is just a schmuck...and either way it's not something I need to feel bad about.
That was a very profound shift in my way of thinking. In my mind, it went hand-in-hand with owning my dancing. I know what I can do, and what I can't...and I don't make excuses for skills I haven't developed yet. I'm trying, it's a journey, and everyone went through those stages. No shame.
I have a tendon/ligament/joint problem that prevents me from dancing at all these days. (and often prevents me from walking except with a crutch or cane)
The doctor wasn't very encouraging - told me that he'd advise me to give up dancing for good, except that he knew I wouldn't. (except that pain has prevented me anyway) He felt it wasn't going to improve much and would probably get worse because it was a "degenerative" problem, not an injury. Even just reading about tango was too depressing when I felt I might never dance again.
However, I am now hoping that I will be able to dance again soon (at least slow gentle stuff) because I am getting some better, more optimistic, help from another (different type) of doctor. He cautions me that it may never be what it was, but that there is some hope of near normal function.
It's been a hard time for the last 4 months trying to deal with this and figure out how to recover.
Hoping for the best for you. .
twnkltoz
Forum Master
Oh, man. I'm going to try this. I have suspected men of doing something similar to me, actually.
twnkltoz
Forum Master
Yes! This! I made that realization, too, and it was very liberating. I no longer allow myself to feel humiliated if a leader dances over my head, because I now know that if he does, he's an knat and not worthy of another thought...or dance.
twnkltoz
Forum Master
I have a tendon/ligament/joint problem that prevents me from dancing at all these days. (and often prevents me from walking except with a crutch or cane)
The doctor wasn't very encouraging - told me that he'd advise me to give up dancing for good, except that he knew I wouldn't. (except that pain has prevented me anyway) He felt it wasn't going to improve much and would probably get worse because it was a "degenerative" problem, not an injury. Even just reading about tango was too depressing when I felt I might never dance again.
However, I am now hoping that I will be able to dance again soon (at least slow gentle stuff) because I am getting some better, more optimistic, help from another (different type) of doctor. He cautions me that it may never be what it was, but that there is some hope of near normal function.
It's been a hard time for the last 4 months trying to deal with this and figure out how to recover.
I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of positive thoughts, and if I may, prayers, for a full recovery.
There are other possibilities. He may just not be that good himself (i.e. not able to accurately determine your capabilities, not able to adjust his lead to different followers, something about your dance leads him to think you are more experienced than you actually are, etc).
Lilly_of_the_valley
Well-Known Member
Actually, dancing with an inexperienced partner requires more skills, not less. So the partner who makes you feel and look bad is not "too advanced for you". He/she is not "advanced" enough.
Ricardo Bellozo, a tango instructor and a milonguero, advices in his " Milonga etiquette" article:
"First observe the quality of dancing of potential partners, to avoid bad experience or inconveniencing a beginner who is doing his or her first steps, and needs a partner of a higher level than yours."
Ricardo Bellozo, a tango instructor and a milonguero, advices in his " Milonga etiquette" article:
"First observe the quality of dancing of potential partners, to avoid bad experience or inconveniencing a beginner who is doing his or her first steps, and needs a partner of a higher level than yours."
When I cause a problem, and I do, I tell my partner it was on me. I don't let my partner think things gone wrong are her fault. It they are her fault, I try to improve my lead, or just keep my month shut.
Actually, I think if our dance hasn't gone right up to the edge of lost control, then it hasn't been free enough - it's been too restrained, too careful. I like going over the edge, where unforeseen things happen.
twnkltoz
Forum Master
Perhaps, but if it goes on for 10 minutes and he never "gets it", he's either pretty dumb or completely self absorbed. With the particular incident I have in mind, the bad is on me for not ending it sooner.