Whining Thread #2

[DL]

Nope. Just a "Look at me! Pay attention to ME!! [...]"

If that's truly one's perspective, it seems to me that logic forces one to consider the act of posting about it to be feeding a troll.

If others feed the discussion -- well, that's up to them; they have their own perspectives and motivations. In that regard, I suppose I might go so far as to say that I have come to quite respect the patience, perseverance, and compassion of some of my fellow DFers lately -- traits I have at times felt hard-pressed to exhibit in like fashion (which is something for me to ponder about myself).

 

[wooh]

To Zoopsia:
Mea culpa.
You don't need any personal growth. You need a hug. (Unless you're not touchy feely enough for one, but dancers tend to be, so I'm assuming you're ok with hugs.) I'd give you one if I could. Please whine away. And ignore the vague personal growth posts, they don't apply to you. I don't think anyone here would try to infer they apply to you.
How was your day?:friend:

 

[wooh]

If that's truly one's perspective, it seems to me that logic forces one to consider the act of posting about it to be feeding a troll.

Agreed. And quite guilty there. Of course I also sent a letter to my congressmen today telling them to quit claiming to be Christians and start acting like it. (Please note, that was just a description of what I did, not a comment on religion or politics.) I'm on a roll of writing futile rants.

 

[wonderwoman]

If that's truly one's perspective, it seems to me that logic forces one to consider the act of posting about it to be feeding a troll.

If others feed the discussion -- well, that's up to them; they have their own perspectives and motivations. In that regard, I suppose I might go so far as to say that I have come to quite respect the patience, perseverance, and compassion of some of my fellow DFers lately -- traits I have at times felt hard-pressed to exhibit in like fashion (which is something for me to ponder about myself).

It definitely is a matter of perspectives and motivations. From my perspective, my motivation is NOT to cause drama. Rather I am simply venting to a somewhat anonymous audience. That anonymity permits impartial and unbiased feedback that I can not get in speaking to family or friends who know me in real life. They know me, and often times know the other subjects I speak of, and therefore can not be unbiased.

I say the following with as much respect as possible.......

While I appreciate the compassion and sincerity of some, I have a hard time understanding the complaints... to suggest that when I "whine" about MY problems I am really putting anyone here through something that requires patience and perseverance is ridiculous to me, I am sorry. If you feel so put upon, I apologize, you are encouraged to relieve yourself of the unpaid drudgery of reading my posts and giving your input. Nobody has to do this, nobody must read posts on an online forum, or respond to them. Don't get me wrong, I greatly greatly appreciate that some will, and they are the reason why I post here. But I am not going to feel sorry for the people who complain about how tired they are of reading an anonymous stranger's complaints, and even less so for those that choose to believe my comments are fabrications built for the purpose of getting attention from an audience of random strangers! I know this isn't true, but what else can I say? Not much.

I have always viewed this as a place to express myself and gain perspective, anonymously, and I still do.

 

[pygmalion]

Zoopsia.

I know that you will be okay. And, until you are, please let me know what I can do to help you, even if it's an email, a PM or a phone call. And if you're not comfortable with that, then know that somebody out here has your virtual back (and I don't think I'm the only one.) We're in this together. Hang in there. :friend:

 

[fascination]

Yes.. it's called death.

Not every difficult life circumstance is due to a psychological issue, and people can't just be replaced that easily, especially in a culture where family comes first and friends are already over stressed with their own families.

that wouldn't be a circumstance about which I would ever dfeine the person who was struggling as someone who was responsible for their own limitations

 

[fascination]

zoop...I think you were a victim of the ambiguity of your initial post...people were referring to something else...a person who has, through no fault of their own, lost loved ones and been abandoned by others, is a very different issue than repeated self-inflicted wounds, heedless of good advice...

as to your dilemma...I found myself in very similar circumstances not long ago when i discovered that I had no relational dynamics, other than with my spouse who is often busy, wherein people ever seemed to be willing to to take turns doing the heavy lifting...which made my losses feel even worse...I am so sorry you are there...that in your need, you have to do the asking if you want to get any support at all...it sucks when that happens...and is all too common...please know that, while my internet is weird right now...I am as good a listener as I am a talker...and I am sorry we were talking in circles

 

[fascination]

ww...the issue is that you routinely feign a desire to fix your predicament and, folks attempt to advise you and then you repeatedly and frequently evidence that you have no intentions to actually change your dysfunctional behavior... you continue to engage in the same dumpster diving and then wonder why you have been victimized...just because it is the whining thread doesn't mean the whine will be validated..sure...folks aren't obligated to read...they also aren't obligated to be supportive

 

[DL]

ww...the issue is that you routinely feign a desire to fix your predicament and, folks attempt to advise you and then you repeatedly and frequently evidence that you have no intentions to actually change your dysfunctional behavior... you continue to engage in the same dumpster diving and then wonder why you have been victimized...just because it is the whining thread doesn't mean the whine will be validated..sure...folks aren't obligated to read...they also aren't obligated to be supportive

It's worth adding that folks *spend their time* trying to advise. The time often is significant. The thought and consideration behind the advice are often also significant. When that time and effort yields no apparent effect, it's frustrating. When they are apparently taken for granted rather than recognized and respected, it's irksome.

IMO, it's probably better if folks who feel frustrated and irked let it all be water under the bridge and turn their time and effort elsewhere; and leave other folks free to engage or not as they choose.

 

[Peaches]

Crap. I got an iced coffee this morning, but forgot to get a straw to drink it with.

Yes, i can just take the lid off and either drink straight from the plastic cup or pour it into one of my two mugs. But IMO iced coffee is meant to be drunk through a straw, dangit.

Crap.

 

[CANI]

IMO, it's probably better if folks who feel frustrated and irked let it all be water under the bridge and turn their time and effort elsewhere; and leave other folks free to engage or not as they choose.

Good advice...

I would also point out two things for consideration...

-- this is a forum...so, logic would dictate...and history has shown...that unless a person is banned...there will always be someone who engages...whether it is an 'oldie' who has their own view on the situation or a 'newbie' making their very first post...and logic would dictate...and history has shown...that those posts will run the gamut from understanding and validation to the opposite of that...that is the way it is...trying to control what other posters are doing, isn't working...I understand the desire to test that out, but we are on round number ??? here...it isn't working...

-- the handling of this by those who are continuing to engage has just resulted, as noted in Zoopsia's post...of us just losing her from this thread, or from DF, for a period of time because of this...who knows how many lurkers we lose from ever being members here because of this...some, who know the background, may understand tensions being high, others are likely to say -- enough, this isn't the place for decent dialogue...

I would encourage those who have -- repeatedly -- recommended no engagement with wonderwoman (or any other poster) to show us how to do that...if a poster -- wonderwoman or otherwise -- acts in a manner inconsistent with DF guidelines, the moderators will make a moderator note and deal with it...

 

[danceronice]

It's much healthier to just vent at people who annoy you than to try and be understanding. Especially when they repeatedly ignore advice they allegedly want. (Zoopsia, if you aren't familiar with the person in question's posts, see fascination's explanation.) Not venting just gives you an ulcer.

You can't control what other people do, but if they insist on complaining about their lives and people bother to offer advice that's ignored, better to let out the annoyance than hold it in for the sake of being nice. Otherwise they basically drive people out of threads and sometimes forums because they're that irritating.

 

[CANI]

It's much healthier to just vent at people who annoy you than to try and be understanding.

Actually, no, a number of professionals and scientists have proven that, actually, it is NOT healthier to vent at people...there is a stronger case to be made that venting gives you an ulcer over a theory that not venting gives you an ulcer...

(Zoopsia, if you aren't familiar with the person in question's posts, see fascination's explanation.)

fascination's explanation is fascination's take on things...and representative of nothing other than fascination's take on things...

You can't control what other people do, but if they insist on complaining about their lives and people bother to offer advice that's ignored, better to let out the annoyance than hold it in for the sake of being nice. Otherwise they basically drive people out of threads and sometimes forums because they're that irritating.

so, if, let's just say for ducks, I am annoyed that in order to follow threads, I am repeatedly reading about horse showing and ice skating in these dance forums, and if I've seen a moderator request -- please no more horse showing and please no more ice skating -- and I still read it -- your advice to me would be that every time you post...I should let out my annoyance at you...and every time you insist on complaining about things....I should let out my annoyance at you......

I don't think that is in the spirit of DF.

I think the spirit of DF would be to put you on ignore if I felt that way...(I actually feel you often have a viewpoint that is meaningful to me, so, as of this moment, you are not on ignore...)

 

[fascination]

It's worth adding that folks *spend their time* trying to advise. The time often is significant. The thought and consideration behind the advice are often also significant. When that time and effort yields no apparent effect, it's frustrating. When they are apparently taken for granted rather than recognized and respected, it's irksome.

IMO, it's probably better if folks who feel frustrated and irked let it all be water under the bridge and turn their time and effort elsewhere; and leave other folks free to engage or not as they choose.

you are correct...and yet it is very difficult for folks to watch something so utterly preventable...but yes...and it certainly isn't worth letting it make one less than their own best self

 

[fascination]

Good advice...

I would also point out two things for consideration...

-- this is a forum...so, logic would dictate...and history has shown...that unless a person is banned...there will always be someone who engages...whether it is an 'oldie' who has their own view on the situation or a 'newbie' making their very first post...and logic would dictate...and history has shown...that those posts will run the gamut from understanding and validation to the opposite of that...that is the way it is...trying to control what other posters are doing, isn't working...I understand the desire to test that out, but we are on round number ??? here...it isn't working...

-- the handling of this by those who are continuing to engage has just resulted, as noted in Zoopsia's post...of us just losing her from this thread, or from DF, for a period of time because of this...who knows how many lurkers we lose from ever being members here because of this...some, who know the background, may understand tensions being high, others are likely to say -- enough, this isn't the place for decent dialogue...

I would encourage those who have -- repeatedly -- recommended no engagement with wonderwoman (or any other poster) to show us how to do that...if a poster -- wonderwoman or otherwise -- acts in a manner inconsistent with DF guidelines, the moderators will make a moderator note and deal with it...

yes...the staff will handle that... and continue to ensure that df is the most civil forum of it's sort...and my guess is that zoopsia knows that in spite of going through a very difficult patch...zoops is rational and capable of appreciating that one event doesn't define a place...most rational people who have taken a break return for that reason...lurkers and others who base their judgement on a snippet are free to be wrong...

as to annoying members: it is hard not to swat at a buzzing fly, but one needn't use a bazooka...as it hardly works and can cause collateral damage