A delicate subject

T

Throwaway Overshare

New Member
My god, how could I have been so blind.

I thought it was alzheimer's. The repetitive conversations seemed classic. But no. And I didn't hear about the first car wreck until after the DUI arrest...

Turns out my "little" brother has known for years.

We're going to have to do something as soon as the family is all here.

I'm so mad... I want to smash the rack of glasses. I want to mark the level with the date on the bottles... or better yet, box them all up, seal them with tape and sign across it and lock them in the trunk of my car. I want to search this place from attic to basement, and the office too. I want to get out of the house and call someone. I want to do something, anything, NOW.

I feel like carrying a breathalyzer and making it a condition of any interaction.

License suspension is almost up. Permit will require an ignition interlock, but I'm still contemplating trying to files some sort of protest. Only not driving makes it easy to avoid the issue... what's the harm in being drunk at home? Plenty.

Sis is here tomorrow. Conference time.
 
Sorry to hear that TO... just know we're here for you to vent, etc., whenever you need.
 
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These situations are not fun. Let us know if we can help, but it mostly will be up to the person you want to help to help themself first. Hopefully this can happen before they hurt themselves or someone else.
 
Now that I know this is a long standing problem, I have very little hope for self help. The alleged return to social drinking has proved impossible to manage... the only workable answer at this point is total abstinance, and that is going to be a huge life change for someone who loves dinner parties, but it has to happen. I will not spend Christmas with a drunk taking the place of a relative. I've been tricked into making one too many errands that turned out to be package store runs... I am going to do something. Hopefully my siblings will help shape this determination into a reasonable course of action, but I am not going to ignore this any longer, nor give anyone else room to plead ignorance if they enable this behaviour.

But that's tomorrow.

Right now I could use a drink.

I won't, despite having appointed myself custodian of a cache of very appealing options. The path from "nothing to do about that today, I feel like a drink" to the present problem is so very clear
 
If you need to talk lmk

One of my parents is I hate to admit a "fuctional alchololic" No they dont drink and drive and they dont live to drink. But they can never have just one and are out of it by 7pm any night they chose to drink. I live halfway across the country from my parents now but when visiting I make it clear to that parent that they cannot have a single drop in my presense. I have to be a hardass its the onlyway.

So if you need to have a heart to heart I'm here
 
Tasche, you describe *both* my parents, and it's been going on my entire life. I just wrote a lot more here and then deleted it...it's a little more than I think is appropriate for me to share on Throwaway Overshare's thread and a little more than I feel comfortable telling in a public place.

Throwaway Overshare, I'm here too if you need to vent. Just drop me a PM.

By the way, I deal with all this now by only seeing my dad once a year and my mom twice. Some might say it's avoidance on my part, but I say one way of getting past beating one's head against a brick wall is to simply walk away from the wall.
 
Thanks for the support. Yes, "functional alcoholic" is the right description. Amazingly functional, really.

Right now, what I'm worried about is that my sister won't believe us unless she has the chance to see for herself the results, rather than just the potential represented by the collection of bottles. But the part of me that has known and worried about this has been putting off dealing with it until we are all here, and I don't think I can wait beyond that just for a demonstration - for one thing, I'll be impossible to be around with this hanging unaddressed. I do really need sister to play good cop to the hardass mindset I'm in or otherwise moderate it, but I need the backroom coordination behind that act, not an actual disagreement with her.

I think I've figured out who to go to locally outside the family, who should already be aware of at least some of this. Will go Christmas shopping and make some calls form the parking lot.
 
TO, are you prepared for your confrontation with your parents to have no effect? I asked because my brother and I tried when I was about 22 (and working and living on my own) and he was 18 (and had just joined the Navy). We were totally brushed off, and then scolded for deigning to tell our parents what to do. That's when we both walked away from the brick wall.

Hopefully your result will be better.
 
I hope it won't have to be this blunt, but I'm in a position to make avoiding the issue very difficult. Though there are many package stores within walking distance, so much of life depends on transport provided by others. Since the DUI arrest made the news, people are aware that there was an issue - we would simply have to convince anyone who might be an enabler that there still is one. I hope I don't have to talk to too wide a circle of friends, but if necessary it will be a very wide circle.
 
The family does need to handle the problem because the family is affected by it. There are support groups for family members through groups like AA; I'm just finding out about them myself but haven't looked into it yet. If nothing else, they should have information to help you get started.

I grew up with a functionally alcoholic father and I remember the strain on the family and how as soon as I was mobile I would spent as many evenings as possible with friends instead of at home. It didn't occur to me until later, but I never had friends over to my house; I just never wanted them to be there to see how it was. I came out of it as a very moderate drinker, mainly out of the fear that if the tendency is hereditary then I didn't want to take the chance -- when things look their bleakest and I'm depressed is the time that I stay as far away from alcohol as possible. But now it appears that the other effects of my having grown up in that environment may have played a significant role in the destruction of my marriage.

For the sake of the family and everybody in it, they need to deal with the problem.
 
It is really depressing when I stop and think about how many "functional alcoholics" there are around us. There is not a hard line separating the folks that go out and have some drinks and "know how to have a good time" to those who don't know how to have a good time without having those drinks.
I was married to one of the latter for many years and he could never see what he was doing to his marriage and his family.
I managed to get out (he blamed me then for breaking up the family) but sympathize with you and anyone who is having to deal with the problem.
 
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