A Question of Focus & Wisdom ...

DancePoet said:
Excellent point! I have provided my phone numbers previously with nothing in return from her.
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You did a competition with the girl and she wouldn't give you her phone number?

What would she have expected you to do if you got sick the day of the last competition and couldn't dance? Pass all messages through the studio?

I mean I've heard of caution in dealing with new people... but you'd think a dance partner has passed the preliminary "not an ax murderer" test. Perhaps someone that paranoid should carry a 2nd cell phone reserved for the potential future ax murderers in her life, and only answer it if the caller ID shows someone still on the provisionally okay list...
 
Lol!

Yes, Chris, seems odd to me as well. Particulary, when the owners of the studio we take lessons at feel highly enough about me that they gave me their first Student of the Month award with a very flattering write up, and my reputation at the studio is strong when it comes to the interactions with and the relationships that have developed with other fellow dancers.

Anyway, I had a lesson this morning and informed the instructor that I would still be going through with my planned attempt to have a conversation with my partner directly as long as she was willing. I have plenty of issues that could be reviewed, and suspect my partner may as well. It will now be up to my partner to choose whether or not she will act honorably and discuss the situation. If not, the partnership will end. If she agrees, then I plan to see if she is open to improving the communication between us which can include sharing our feelings, being truthful, and upholding commitments. However, if not, the partnership will end.

The instructor offered to continue working with me on the performance routine should my partner choose not to do such, but I declined, feeling this could be perceived as an insult or unfair to my partner, to which the instructor agreed.

Thanks everyone for your ideas and views. Very helpful to me!
 
Well ... time to update this thread!

Partnership came together long enough to complete the performances for the studio during National Ballroom Dance Week. We even discussed taking this to a competition as a showcase, but then when I wrote to her after the performances had gone by I haven't received a reply. When I asked her to dance one time shortly after this, I didn't bring the topic up on purpose, and she didn't either. Communication from her didn't improve much, and now it's non-existant. Partnership is over.

Probably for the best.

The performances went well, audiences enjoyed, lot's of positive feedback, lot's of fun. See ... need to look on the positive side! :)
 
DancePoet said:
Communication from her didn't improve much, and now it's non-existant. Partnership is over.

Probably for the best.
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I think you are right. From what you said it seems she was a reluctant partner throughout, and I think you can do a lot better than to continue dancing with someone whose heart's not in the partnership. You DESERVE better.

Congrats for the successful performance. Good to have you back, DP :).
 
Wow, DP. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Ending relationships can be hard, even if we are ambivalent about them. :?

Maybe, even though you can't see it yet, this change is opening the door for a newer, better dance partnership? Life's funny that way. Just when you think your options are exhausted, a new opportunity comes your way. :)

Either way, I'm glad you checked back in. 8) I missed you.
 
Hi Pygmalion and MacMoto!

Thanks for the warm welcome back!

And guess what? The good news is immediately after the last evening of the performance, I had a woman come up to me and ask to partner with me! Of course I was flattered, but hadn't brought closure to the other situation ... so I kept things open for additional communication.

I took my time on whether or not to accept the invite. We exchanged emails, wrote back and forth sharing backgrounds, skills, goals, interests, and getting to know eachother alittle bit first. Personalities seem to be clicking, communication seems to be much more caring, considerate, and co-operative, and we took a private lesson together.

We have also reviewed how we would be communciating with the studio, because I really had problems with the previous partnership and interference from the studio. In fact, there was even a recent issue with the studio trying to pressure us into partnering. What it ended up doing was only strengthening our resolve to be united in our interactions with them. ;)

At this point it seems like we will be taking a private lesson per week with two hours of practice as we head towards a competition in January. Course I won't be counting my chickens, but at least this situation seems healthier then the last. :)
 
Thanks Cocodrilo, Pygmalion, and Laura!

I actually patterned the discussions with the new partner after some of the ideas folks wrote about here at DF. Some helpful insights that have shown to be very useful.

Well ... the previous partner finally replied to my email from a few weeks back! Will wonders ever cease? Lol!

She was polite in saying she felt the performance had turned out well, said she was planning on not competing or performing anytime soon and just stick with social dancing, but mentioned if this should change she'd "certainly let me know". :shock:

Hmmmmm ... not sure I'm really interested in knowing. ;)

And ...

My new partner's boyfriend showed up with her for our second private lesson. I was introduced, and when she went to change, I struck up a conversation with him hoping to put him more at ease, work, where he lived, hobbies, and asked if he had ever tried ballroom dancing. He seemed very introverted, but he did say that ballroom dance would require more effort and commitment on his part then he was willing to make. I replied that I was glad he was supporting her with her dancing, even though she has mentioned they've had to compromise about it.

Lesson went well, but then she backed out of practice afterwards saying she would call me the next day regarding the following weekend. Unfortunately, no call was received. We'll see how this develops.
 
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