Afraid of Eye Contact...

peachexploration

peachexploration

New Member
Okay, so I had family members visit me on my vacation last month and guess what...Two grownup couples got pulled into a Salsa lesson from yours truly. :lol: Now, they have been hearing about Salsa from me for about a year and I had been getting alot of this :arrow: :roll: . But, eventually I wore them down and the bug finally bit them. :twisted: Anyways, my grownup niece and her husband were going through the lesson and I mentioned that she needs to look up and look into her husbands eyes and she freaked out and could not understand why she had to do that. "Oh, Auntie, I hate when he looks at me. Why can't I just do my own thing". :shock: I said to my niece, "My dear, this is a partner dance". :? Then I remembered that most people have a problem with this in Salsa if it's a stranger but you grow into it eventually. Now if this was freestyle/club dancing, I wouldn't have heard this type of comment and many times you're much more closer than you would be than with Salsa. Not bashing club dancing at all. It just seems like it's a little more relaxed and people are less inhibited. Why is this do you think? Agree? Disagree?
 
No, it was pretty funny. I didn't even mention the concept of leading and following. She actually said to him at first, "Why are you looking at me like that?" He was flirting with her and it freaked her out. I was shocked. I'm like "Dudette, chill out". :lol: :lol: Freestyle dancing, he flirted with her, she didn't have a problem with it. I actually tested them to see. :)
 
Maybe because salsa seems more 'formal'? :? If he was flirting with her in their kitchen, she would have probably played back. :D

Incidentally, I was dancing with a couple of teachers recently and both guys bearly looked me in the eyes. Hmmmmmmmmmm. If they don't do it, is it hardly any wonder that students/other dancers don't?

I had a one-to-one not so long ago with this absolutely wonderful teacher and I felt shy, so was not looking at him very much :oops: :lol: . He of course noticed, told me off and asking me what was so interesting about the floor (and of course I couldn't tell him :shock: :lol: ) but after that, and with Pygamlion's advice :wink: I have been practising my c o m e h i t h e r look :lol:
 
I had started out not looking, then looking, thne not looking, and now back to looking and maximizing contact. The only way to dance IMO. :wink:

Interestingly I know this one person who has this interesting habit of looking down, and it is really noticeable. I asked her about it, and wondered if ever looking at her feet confused her. She said that it soothed her and taht looking at her partner unnerved her, especially with strangers. However, she is getting better at it with me, and even commented on it, and I told her that is why I had that happy grin on my face!! I was thrilled.
 
*jumping up and down with hand in the air*

ME!! ME!!! ME!! :banana: that sounds like ME!! :banana:

ok so I had this problem of looking my dance partners in the eye UNTIL I met MY dance partner and HE had this habit of whenever I looked at the floor he let go of one of my hands and tipped my face up and said 'look at me'....after awhile I got comfortable enough to do and then did it with ALL my dance partners......................................................................... until this one guy asked me (while we were dancing) not to look him in the eye because it made him nervous....so I stopped...but then some other guys think that looking at them when you dance is an invitation to take things off the floor soooooooo I went back to dancing with my eyes focused on the floor. Only with certain guys do I dance and look at them directly lol
 
take things off the floor ehe lol

well MOST the time i look into the followers eyes but not all the time cause that would seem weird to me =\
 
salsaing is like kissing to some extent.....it's very personal and very intense...but only with the right person (and for some people - 'persons')...if you and the person you are dancing with dance well together it shows in not only the dance but in the expressions on your faces. Some persons are not used to the kind of intenseness that can manifest itself in their partner's eyes/face or both....hence the uncomfortable/weird feeling you get when you look at each other. If you as a follower are dancing with a stranger and vice versa then you may wonder if they might think you are trying to send them a message when you are not. With the guys I dance with on a regular basis I don't have a problem so much with looking at them and feeling uncomfortable but I can usually tell when their mind switches from enjoying the song .......to enjoying dancing with you TO the song......to enjoying YOU and to heck with the song!!! lol lol at that point I break eye contact or if I've experience dancing with this person before then I make non whatsoever lol
 
Well, did I tell you that I'm an eye contact junkie? Love it. The more the better. Doesn't bother me at all, even when dancing with a stranger (in fact, I need eye contact even more when dancing with a stranger because I don't know what to expect, and eye contact helps me focus on the lead). When I'm dancing, I'm in love with the guy I'm dancing with while the music lasts, so eye contact is just a part and parcel of it. Some guys think it's nice, some guys have told me they found it unnerving at first until they got used to it. Some guys don't seem to notice it anyway because they don't look back :lol:.

peachexploration said:
No, it was pretty funny. I didn't even mention the concept of leading and following. She actually said to him at first, "Why are you looking at me like that?" He was flirting with her and it freaked her out. I was shocked. I'm like "Dudette, chill out". :lol: :lol: Freestyle dancing, he flirted with her, she didn't have a problem with it. I actually tested them to see. :)
Click to expand...
Maybe because of the formal feel of partner dancing as Pacion says, but here's another theory -- control?

I mean, when you are a follower in a partner dance, you essentially give up control of the situation. The leader decides how long you face each other in closed hold, and you can't just break away and do something else. In freestyle dancing, it's up to you to decide whether to flirt back or turn your back on the partner. You have control, so you can flirt in comfort knowing that you can choose to stop whenever you want. In partner dancing, you feel your partner is making you look at him by taking the face-to-face position, you are made to submit to his control, and if you are a control freak, this may be hard to take.

Just a theory.
 
i can't look past my nose.. it just too big it blocks anything beyond :shock:

hehehe.. umm i mean :x
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:x <..... haaa! i can't belive this smiley :lol:
 
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