An ingenue and an impasse: Tales of non-mentoring.

P

PasoDancer

New Member
Three months ago, J's coworker W asked him if we could donate our time and intelligence to her daughter's senior project. The project mandated that the student find something they've "always wanted to do", document it, and at the end of an alotted (allotted?) period of time, present a demonstration of it.

She chose ballroom dancing, and she chose us to mentor her.

For four months, then, we've heard nothing of it. I've asked him "So, has Fluffy said anything to you about doing this thing? Does she realize that you can't learn a routine in two hours, regardless of the camera tricks and outright lies Ballroom Bootcamp and DWTS bamboozle the ignorant with?"

Nothing. So, two nights ago, he gets this email. "Hi, Thanks for doing this for me. So can I get together with you guys tonight or tomorrow after eight? These days here and this date here isn't any good, but at the end of this week, my teacher wants two project hours completed. Yours truly, Fluffy."

The girl's pretty, tall, athletic, and makes good grades. But how do you tell someone that this won't really cut it? We have no idea what the expectations or goals of this whole thing is. I'm assuming she wants to learn the basic footwork and technique of a ballroom, latin, or social dance, document and report her trials, successes, and errors with writing and photography, and at the end, present a short dance to music, using J or a partner of her choice (who we'd have to train too), and a cute costume.

What worries me is that she's using our names on this project which really needs more preparation. "Oh, I'm going to learn from so and so"... What, then, will happen when she DOESN'T learn from us, and people think "Wow, they sure didn't get much across to her?" instead of "Geez, she didn't put much effort into this or take this very seriously, did she?" I don't want to look like a joke, I don't want to turn a dancer out that looks like a joke. "I'm thuper therial, Manbearpig is real!!" you know? We aren't pros- we're newbs, but we don't want to LOOK like dog-and-pony-show morons.

In four months, she COULD have actually learned some basics, gotten around to playing around with music, danced socially, and maybe even found a partner. She could have had a head-start.

So, I took her email address, and this is what I wrote to her, and I'm editing out some info I just don't want on the net that badly. Also, I would like to add that the syntax, grammar, spelling, and other aspects of the language in the letter are not concurrent with my normal speaking manner. I felt the need to soften or simplify it somewhat to connect with the person on the other end, without "endumbening" it:

Hi, there:

I'm C, J's partner, and we've been discussing what to do for your mentoring project to make it benefit you the best and make it easiest to learn and do well. There are pros and cons to finding and bringing a partner, as well as going "pro am" in a manner of speaking, and using J as a partner. If you bring a partner, you both get to learn a fun (and addictive) hobby, and might use it elsewhere. The con would be that someone with prior experience can lead you through things in case you forget something. Another would be most guys have hangups about ballroom dancing and wouldn't put as much into it maybe.

The pro to having someone kind of in the know already would be as mentioned, they can help you through stuff, they're there as needed and you don't have to put up with 'em any more than you want to, and stuff like that. The con is that when you want to go out dancing and you don't have a dance partner already, you'll have to hunt one down! For this project though, I'd recommend just having J. It'll keep it simple, and later on, we can worry about snagging a handsome man, binding and gagging him, abducting him, and forcing him to tango.

Did you have in mind what type of dance you would like to do? So far, we've had pretty good success with waltz and foxtrot, and we've been doing ok in cha-cha as well. Modern, non-cheesy music is usually pretty readily available for these dances too, so you won't be embarassed to death with some old stuff.

I gotta say, it's best to start this as soon as possible, because dancing isn't something that can just be picked up in a couple of hours (well, there are exceptions to every rule- but we sure aren't! Lol). He said you were in color guard I think, so that gives you a foot in the door as far as physical strength and endurance- that's an advantage we didn't have when we started, so the cha-cha wore us completely out. We first hated it, now we love it. The cha-cha is a fun kind of flirty dance where you can ham it up with some catchy moves, cute clothes, and fun music, whereas the waltz, foxtrot, tango, etc. are more serious dances.

In the first couple of hours though, I'm pretty sure we could get "the basic", an underarm turn, and maybe two other moves in, something for you to work on wherever, and I'd really really like for you to come see a dance sometime- they're fun to watch OR participate in, and besides that, I need to work on getting J un-shy, maybe you can help, Lol.

For working on all of this, ideally I'd suggest "ballroom shoes" (available at exoticsalsashoes.com , appledanceshoes.com , and of course the fine folks of e-bay) with at least a two-inch heel, NOT higher than two and a half though, because yes, you can totally bust your butt on those things, trust me I know! The reason I suggest ballroom-specific shoes though is because they have a SUEDE sole- it's soft, lightweight, flexible, and moves across the floor JUST right in a way that rubber or plain leather can't. Failing that, I'd suggest those capezio "ballet flats" you can get at some Wal-Marts, but most ballet studios have- little pink or black things, kind of fugly, but really comfortable.

To wear, just wear something "athletic"- I'd suggest capri-length or regular-length pants and a T-shirt that breathes. Adidas makes really neat Capris that are kind of waffley but not fugly. Hair goes up in a ponytail, unless it's long- then put something heavy in the end so that when you spin, you can knock someone's head off *snicker*.

Sorry to kind of take up the reins and drop a whole novel on you, but J's too quiet and shy, and I'm scared he won't fill you in on all the important stuff- the whole "he's a guy" kind of thing.

My cell is xxxxxxxxx, and any time after he gets off work, we're either at our studio or F's, so just give a call sometime and we can hook up and get to work. I have to say I'm curious to see how this all comes out- it'll be so much fun to try our hand at playing teacher, and we want to make an easy-to-remember, fun, and all-around "good" routine for you to impress your teachers with!

If you can make it tomorrow (Tuesday) at 8:00 to F's, that would be really cool. It's a nice floor, not a lot of people there, and the people who *are* usually there are so old they won't remember whether or not you goof up- that's why we like it. Otherwise, we can go to our studio and go upstairs to the other practice room. Give J a call or me a call, whichever, and let us know what's up, though, so we can get started. I hope you get hooked on ballroom too! We love it, and have never had so much fun in our lives.

Hope to get in touch with you soon, I'm probably forgetting stuff that J will say "dummy, why didn't you tell her that?" about later, but oh, well! Lol
CH
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Does this sound friendly and encouraging without being picky and insistent? Our area is rife with these "Don't yew holler at me!" rednecks who take anything from "Excuse me," when passing in a cramped aisle to "Your tag's sticking out" as "hollering at" someone. Any sort of advice, question, or something of this nature can be taken as insulting. Ugh, hillbillies. No, I'm not accusing this girl of being one, but I just know the demographic, and am taking precautionary measures.

Ideas? I guess this will be my "chronicles of" thread if this project ever indeed *does* come to fruition. I wish the girl luck- I think it's so neat that someone like her wants to do ballroom, and I'm trying not to serious it up too much and scare her off, but I'm also trying to gently tell her that "hey- you don't need to screw around on this if it's a grade and you can't just BS this stuff".

Help?

UPDATE: Holy cats! I just re-read the thing- she wants two hours done by TOMORROW!!!

Hey J!
I'm just giving you an update on the senior project thing. I have two
mentor hours due Wednesday, September 20. I know this is kind of short
notice, but I could do that today, or Monday after 6:30, or Tuesday
after 8. If not, I'm sure I could work something out with my teacher.
Also, I was wondering if i needed to find a partner to dance with or
not. Thank you again and I'll see you soon.
XZ
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well, paso ...now that we know the real truth from cornutt and from the tone of this letter...okay nevermind...

anyhow, it sounds reasonable to me, but if she chooses to be unreasonable and annoyed I reckon she can find a different project to slap together at the last moment...as for how it will reflect on you folks, I rather doubt that it will...look, some of the most excellent teachers have dreadful students...good luck...sounds fine to me
 
It's so easy to be shot down when you're "up", is all. Like last night's practice. That was a graze, not a dead hit- Wednesday, no telling....

I hope this works out. It sounds like fun. We get to play dress-up as "teachers", LOL.
 
So I was a high school student once. I remember starting a paper at about 11:00 PM the night before it was due. However, in those cases, I was the only one who suffered; I wasn't dragging someone else into my self-imposed nightmare.

So give her her two hours if it fits into your schedule. If she shows up when she's supposed to, fine. If she doesn't, it's not your problem. You made a more than reasonable offer. If she fails, well, it's a lesson that she needed to learn the hard way, because she obviously wasn't going to learn it any other way. I wouldn't worry about what kind of rep you get out of it. If the teacher has any experience at all, he/she will know what the score is. Your email to her was fine; I didn't see anything wrong with it.

Assuming she does show up, I suggest keeping things simple at this late date. First of all, teach her some Latin dance, not standard/smooth. The Latin is likely to be viewed as cooler by the kids. Plus, I don't know where the demonstration is going to take place, but if it's in the classroom, there likely won't be enough room to do standard. I suggest rumba -- the basic is easy to learn, and you can show her a few things like crossovers and cross-body leads that even beginning follows can usually follow easily. Keep it simple, so you can spend time talking about frame, posture, and movement.

And work with her about her costuming for the demonstration. I think it's important to put across the idea to the other students that being dressed for the occasion is important to dancing, and baggy jeans and an oversized T-shirt (or Daisy Duke shorts and a tube top with bra straps exposed) isn't how you do it. And, since I know how a lot of high-school girls are these days, you want to make sure she is covered appropriately for a classroom.
 
I think the moral of the story is that if you care about something, beware of those who will trivialize it. She's treating it like a simple subject - because she doesn't know that it's as complicated - she wouldn't do that with something like learning to play the piano, because she has more of an idea about what that would involve.

As for what you can do now... teach her a little east coast swing... it's simple, it's small, it's not too hard to make it look interesting, and moderate silliness is no crime. Salsa might be another choice, but I'd suggest avoiding it specifically because of the chance of dancing in front of classmates who might already have some ideas about what that is supposed to be.
 
Well, I had shown 20 5th graders how to do chacha basic, cross-over and underarm turn in 45 minutes (and will be doing it again probably if/when the PE teacher at my son's school asks me). Some of them actually got something by the end of the lesson. So I figure one high-schooler should be able to get that much in a couple of hours.
 
First of all. Congrats about getting asked to help. I know it must feel very nice. :D
Secondly. It's quite obvious this girl thinks she can learn how to chacha like Karina in a few hours. Many people, like Chris said, think balroom dancing is a piece of cake. Try to teach her the basics, and if she seems dissapointed, annoyed or otherwise in a mood of "WHY am I not like Karina? It's YOUR fault!" then explain to her that you were totally available for 4 months and she didn't take advantage of that. Explain to her that getting to where YOU are takes years in itself, let alone learning how to do really cool things. If she starts her redneck routine... well. Then it's not your fault. It's not like you'd get a referral or any fame from a high schooler's project anyway.

T_E
 
teaching

As most teachers of any yrs standing, they will have been approached in similar fashion on numerous occasions . 2 part answer-- 1--Ask her if she thinks , with one weeks piano lessons, could she play at carnegie hall ? -- 2-- I think by going ahead and attempting the project, you are setting a precedent . I am so tired of people who think they can walk into any dance institution and demand excellence for themselves in 5 minutes .Sometimes, a reality check is necessary- It may teach her that not all things in life come by clicking your fingers !!---- p.s. you should not have any guilt about refusal .
 
@tangotime: :applause:
Another thing, Paso. Your e-mail sounds like so much fun! It's very good writing, very vibrant and overall delightful to read. :D If I were in this girl's shoes, I'd be killing to get some practice time with you peeps.

T_E
 
tangotime said:
As most teachers of any yrs standing, they will have been approached in similar fashion on numerous occasions . 2 part answer-- 1--Ask her if she thinks , with one weeks piano lessons, could she play at carnegie hall ? -- 2-- I think by going ahead and attempting the project, you are setting a precedent . I am so tired of people who think they can walk into any dance institution and demand excellence for themselves in 5 minutes .Sometimes, a reality check is necessary- It may teach her that not all things in life come by clicking your fingers !!---- p.s. you should not have any guilt about refusal .
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Well, there is the whole wedding couple business... a performance, on three hours of training ;-)
 
OK. I understand people's frustration with the "You can dance championship in 5 easy lessons" mentality, but come on here. That's not what this girl is looking for--we're talking more along the line of a wedding couple.

Sure, she should have gotten on it months ago. And I've got clean laundry sitting in baskets that's been there for 3 weeks now, while we've been dumping dirty laundry on the floor--everywhere. Some of us are procrastinators, or, as I prefer to think of it, very highly motivated by deadlines.

This is different b/c she's involving other people and inconveniencing them. But this time around, we're talking about 2 hours here--not a lifetime of commitment. I'd say, Paso, if you and J can meet with her for 2 hours, then do it. At that point, talk to her about what SHE wants/needs to accomplish (you might have to help revise her expectations--not downward, necessarily--but towards reality), and tell her that you really need at least a week's notice. Or try to set up regular meeting times.

I'm not advocating for lack of responsibility. But not all of us were responsible about time management at the age of--what?--16? 18? Some of us still aren't. And, for some of us, procrastination and doing things last-minute (have you ever skipped class to finish writing a paper for said class that was due at the end of the class-time? I have--many, many, multiple times.) is just how we operate. Of course, when there are others involved it adds another dimension, but still...
 
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