Are milongas getting shorter?

[Eleven!]

I'm reminded of the story which I think I read here of a married couple where jealousy meant they didn't want to rotate partners, so only danced with each other. They got over it after two years, but then found that they couldn't actually dance with anyone else because they'd just been picking up on each other's idiosyncratic signals and compensating for each other's flaws. Neither of them could actually lead or follow.

I have come across this a couple of times as well. On one of the instances the couple looked really good together but when late in the milonga they decided to actually dance with other people they were both absolutely terrible. Fair play to them though - they turned up to the beginners class later that week and re-learned dancing with all the other people there in rotation.

 

[JournalInTime]

Neither of them could actually lead or follow.

We have a few couples like that here. They dance super-advanced movements with elegant everything, and make no mistakes technically or musically. They're smiling, and seem relaxed and confident. Then you try to dance with one of them . . .

I can't comment on the leader in such a couple dancing with a different follower. I can comment as a leader dancing with the follower in such a couple:

Nothing works.

Even basic stuff is jerky, off the music, and full of tension, because the follower has never truly followed, and is trained only at mini-choreographies with someone who covers any and all errors. With me, they are racing to understand what my body is saying and to figure out how to construct a response. That begets tension, if not actual fear.

The hardest part is sensing their legs. Such followers never have the presence required for communication, nor are they as grounded as is required to be ready to move in any way that makes sense if the leader does something on a whim. They are so used to following a script where they do the same barely communicated movements that they've never gained command of their weight and axis. Both legs "float" in a mixed state somewhere between free and supporting, and either their body feels as if it exists only above the waist or they seem to have two supporting and zero free legs at all times.

With a partner like that, even if I move in an entirely reasonable way on something that's conclusively in the music, I stand a good chance of dragging them off-axis or bowling them over, or just going nowhere. That's because I have no way of reading their body, and they're unready for musical interpretations different from those of their forever partner's. If they were at least present, I could adjust . . . but they have no or too many legs, in effect, so I'm left to guess. If my guess leads me to move in a different time or in another way than they expect, we're doomed.

 

[brujo]

I think it only matters for organizers that want more role balance in events and for the people that would be sitting out without many dance partners to rotate with.

We have a couple that only dance with each other because the wife is super shy. I’ve gotten the husband to lead me a few times for fun at milongas ( we’re both men and not super advanced ). But they show up to events and classes consistently. They are really great to chat with and I am always super glad to see them. As long as they are happy with their dance who am I to judge.

Also couples seem to be the ones that show up to festivals and milongas much much earlier than singles. Tango is the only dance I’ve done where you never see anyone from your classes at the social events because they feel they need to build up level.

 

[opendoor]

..Also couples seem to be the ones that show up to festivals and milongas much much earlier than singles..

Most singles also register as a couple. Before festivals or other social events, there's usually a lot of traffic, dating and asking around, because nobody wants to go to a festival alone.

 

[itwillhappen]

I think it only matters for organizers that want more role balance in events and for the people that would be sitting out without many dance partners to rotate with.

Organizers want satisfied guests, and beginner couples who chat and dance with each other complain significantly less, in my opinion, than beginner singles.

Also couples seem to be the ones that show up to festivals and milongas much much earlier than singles.

But that’s probably not due to the milonga itself, but rather what comes after it.

Tango is the only dance I’ve done where you never see anyone from your classes at the social events because they feel they need to build up level.

It is obviously uncomfortable knowing full well that, through direct physical contact, your partner can sense every sign of insecurity, every tremor, and every outbreak of sweat firsthand; and you can't mask it by hopping around, either.

But, of course, I didn’t attend my first milongas with just "anyone from my classes", but rather with my dedicated class mate.

 

[Bailango]

The dance studios here have historically positioned themselves as "quality time for couples". From a marketing perspective, this has advantages and disadvantages,

I am curious. What is the target age bracket for these studios. What is the ratio of singles to couples in that age group?

 

[Bailango]

Most singles also register as a couple. Before festivals or other social events, there's usually a lot of traffic, dating and asking around, because nobody wants to go to a festival alone.

I don’t go to festivals, but my preference is opposite. I prefer to go alone.

 

[opendoor]

I don’t go to festivals..

To each their own.
I always enjoyed going to festivals in summer. So, in that sense, it was more like a short break with a female companion at a holiday resort. I did dance, but other enjoyable activities were the main focus

 

[Bailango]

To each their own.
I always enjoyed going to festivals in summer. So, in that sense, it was more like a short break with a female companion at a holiday resort. I did dance, but other enjoyable activities were the main focus

I was talking as a single

 

[Miradamiranda]

I don’t go to festivals, but my preference is opposite. I prefer to go alone.

I like going to festivals and marathons alone. I meet more people that way and I get to dance more. Most events I go to, I recognize a few faces, though, but not necessarily people I’d be dancing with. For regular milongas also, I hardly ever plan to meet up with others. Only if out of town friends are visiting.

 

[JournalInTime]

I like going to festivals and marathons alone. I meet more people that way and I get to dance more. Most events I go to, I recognize a few faces, though, but not necessarily people I’d be dancing with. For regular milongas also, I hardly ever plan to meet up with others. Only if out of town friends are visiting.

I'm not a festival person (nor am I cool enough to get invited/accepted to marathons and encuentros*), but I dance at milongas a lot. I almost always show up alone. My girlfriend is my working dance partner – i.e., the person who takes private lessons with me and practices with me at prácticas – but she has health issues and medications that individually and collectively mean that, most days, she has no energy by evening. So, I turn up alone, sit alone, and invite people as takes my fancy, reserving at least a couple of tandas for newcomers and visitors. I have consistently good experiences this way.

The exceptions are when it's an afternoon event, in which case my girlfriend will come with me, or when an out-of-town friend wants to show up accompanied, in which case I always say "yes" if I'm available. Those are definitely not the norm, though . . . they might add up to 5-10% of the time.

—

* I'm not clueless. I'm well aware that this is likely because I'm known to show up without a partner most of the time (which may put off organizers who insist on couples registration, which I can understand) and yet to have a partner who wouldn't be keen on me disappearing for a weekend with another woman (I've had dozens of offers and turned them down because my girlfriend, while not jealous, prefers that people don't get the impression that somebody else is my girlfriend, which I can also understand).​

 

[brujo]

It is obviously uncomfortable knowing full well that, through direct physical contact, your partner can sense every sign of insecurity, every tremor, and every outbreak of sweat firsthand; and you can't mask it by hopping around, either.

There are other dances that do this and don’t have the same vibe - fusion, blues, kizomba. Even bachata and zouk to some extent. So it’s not the technical bits to me but rather the way that the other rules of the dance that stops a lot of people. I’d say tandas and navigations are bigger obstacles than proximity for a lot of people.

 

[Miradamiranda]

I'm well aware that this is likely because I'm known to show up without a partner most of the time (which may put off organizers who insist on couples registration, which I can understand)

Actually, it’s women that those organizers want to be registering as a couple, not solo guys. There are plenty of women signing up alone, getting on the waiting list, waiting for solo guys to sign up. I know plenty of guys who prefer to sign up solo instead of accepting to sign up with a female friend. This way they can wait and not have to commit so early. Annoying for the women, as travel arrangements need to be confirmed by a certain date. I almost always sign up alone, as I prefer my independence. Most of my favorite partners already have a significant other or they don’t do long weekend events for a variety of reasons (economic, physical abilities etc).

 

[ArbeeNYC]

the DJ will announce “this is a mixer tanda, you dance a song with someone you have never danced with before!”. And it’s great, everyone in the room asks a new person to dance and gets one dance in. Then the DJ says “switch persons and dance with someone else completely new”. Usually does it for three songs.

That would go over like a lead balloon here. Some people will go along with it but a lot of folks are going to sit it out.

 

[Tango Distance]

It works well at 3 different milongas here.

They shouldn’t be for the whole event but at one of the milongas I really like the DJ will announce “this is a mixer tanda, you dance a song with someone you have never danced with before!”. And it’s great, everyone in the room asks a new person to dance and gets one dance in. Then the DJ says “switch persons and dance with someone else completely new”.