Balancing family life and dancing

[Adwiz]

I see very few serious dancers with young children (young meaning between grades 1 and 7). It seems that most are involved before having kids or after the kids are in high school and much more independent.

This seems to relate as much to time issues as it does money.

In my case, with the kids in high school or graduated, it's not that hard to put the time into dancing and still carry on a pretty normal family life. Still, with 15-20 hours a week devoted to DanceSport, I sometimes wonder if that kind of time commitment affects my family relationships.

How do you deal with the juggling act of dance time and family time?

And what about the financial issues? Do you every feel stress because the hundreds of dollars each week spent on dancing might be used instead to take the family to Hawaii?

 

[mamboqueen]

And what about the financial issues? Do you every feel stress because the hundreds of dollars each week spent on dancing might be used instead to take the family to Hawaii?

Ugh...I thought I felt bad on the other thread! Actually, I have had just that thought (although not Hawaii). Yes, that $5,000, or whatever I spend on lesons/comps would go a long way to a nice vacation. I guess I just rationalize it like "I gotta have something for me." I do agonize over it, though.

As for the time; another issue with me. I work when my kids are in school and don't (can't, really...without paying a sitter) dance when they're not, unless my husband is home. So, I take one private a week and usually one or two group lessons (they're on the same night). I practice as much as I can at home (my hardwood floors can attest to that - yikes!) and if I can get to the gym once or twice a week, I bring my dance shoes there and get a little practice in. Generally, I practice on the nights of my lessons. I miss about 2 hours each of these nights with my kids, but hey, they *have* a dad!

Anyway, I just don't want to look back in 20 years with regrets, so I've got a steady stream of guilt going. I need a sponsor. Or a sugar daddy.
Pictures anyone?? J/k!

 

[pygmalion]

Don't do this to yourself. They DO have a Dad. You are giving those kids one night a week (maybe occasionally two) to develop a deeper, more meaningful relationship with their father. A lot of kids I know would LOVE to have that.

I'll have to PM you the story my pastor told in his sermon last week. Suffice it to say that more time with their dad is a good thing, especially since it's making you happy and well-adjusted, too. 8)

 

[ShyDancer]

I feel guilty sometimes, espescially whe I take 5 classes a week ...rare but occasionally I do.

But then when I look at the bigger picture, dancing is really the only time I am away from my kids (5 & almost 4) and its at night anyway so it really only an hour or 2 before their bedtime that I miss.
I am a stay at home mum so I get all day with them.

The money issue doesnt really come up as we are fotunant enough to be able to comfortably afford my dancing expenses, which until now have only been , classes, privates, social dances and shoes...

 

[Pacion]

MamboQueen, how do the children react about your dancing? Do they think Mum is *cool* for dancing :wink: or do they just get on and play with their toys or their own activities and don't even notice?

 

[Sagitta]

Sometimes I have seen kids come along to dances with their parents. I see that usually during the summer.

As for balancing family and dance I think that it is an issue that all of us who are passionate about dance have to wrestle with, though it might be more like dance and everything else: Go to a dance event or spend a couple days with relatives and family over a holiday. Sometimes there is only money for one or the other. A friend who does not dance comes from out of town and there is a dance that same night that you really enjoy. Choices that we make every day.

In the choices that I make I personally find that it is important that whatever choice I make I do not regret it. If perhaps today I consider that next time I would make a different choice than the one I made yesterday I have learnt a lesson from that choice. However, at the same time that choice that has now past has changed me a little. It has made me what I am now, today. A regret of a past action is a regret of a little of what I am today.

 

[mamboqueen]

Paction; My daughter sometimes likes to come with me to my lessons, but she can be a distraction (she flirts with my teacher!). It's hard to convey to her that the lessons cost a lot of money and she can't interfere. She actually tried it herself once, but didn't like the boys she had to dance with (it was quite comical, actually). She likes the whole "dress up, make up" aspect of it, and will wear my ribbons to school sometimes. She brought my trophy in for show and tell (I told her she needed to get her own trophy!). My son could really care less, but he will watch the videos from the comps.

I would love it if my daughter developed a like for ballroom/latin dance, but I have no intentions of forcing it on her.

 

[dw77]

I think it'd be cool to have a kid someday that danced. I'm 18 now though so I'm not planning on being a pops anytime soon. 8)

 

[Adwiz]

It's even cooler if that kid (if it's a daughter) ever ends up dancing with you.

I consider it one of the great privileges of my life to have competed with my 16-year-old daughter (we actually won a gold medal in adult bronze standard). It's a highlight that few dads in history have ever had the chance to enjoy.

 

[CC]

That is way cool Adwiz that you have opportunities to dance with your daughter. All of my kids are in school (grades 1,3,5,6) so I do my lessons while they are in school. Yesterday I did a showcase which took most of the day so I missed a soccer game and a baseball game (they were the same time so I could only have seen one anyway). I normally get to most of their games as they are played on or after 5:30 pm.

My kids have seen a couple of showcases and watch my tapes - the nice thing is that they think I'm great when I'm clearly not. Right now they have not shown much interest in dancing themselves. My oldest daughter was bugging me for awhile to take lessons and when an opportunity finally presented itself this year, she was no longer interested - mainly because she didn't want to dance with a boy! Ha - we'll see how long THAT lasts - for now, I'm not complaining.

I used to do group parties and some classes but as time went one I didn't get enough out of those to justify the cost of being away. Only a half a handful of male dancers doesn't make for a good dancing night. I do now go with a group to a salsa night usually a couple of Friday nights a month and we all enjoy that.

 

[chocolatchica]

Yeah tell me about it! It is hard to juggle so many things. And I only have one! I have been dying to ask the same question. I feel like I am going to have to give up dancing because I cant seem to make enough money for lessons, transportation, baby stuff, and comps. And in order to make enough money I have to work more, but working more also means I wont have time to dance. Ahhh!!! Someone help me. I love dancing and I would be devestated if I had to give it up. I take my son to almost every lesson I go to and social parties (unless I am blessed with some help to babysit). My son is learning just as much as me! I really want to become a latin champion and a serious competitor. If anyone could help me out with advice also, I would be greatful

 

[DanceMentor]

I can tell you that I came form pretty humble beginnings also. My challenges were not the same as yours, but when I started dancing I was making $9/hour running a printing press, and good rarely afford private lessons, and not many groups either.

But the big thing that I believe made it work for me was I totally love dancing, and slowly I built my life around dancing. I actually lived in a studio for while just so I could dance more!

Don't give up. It will happen.

 

[delamusica]

It's even cooler if that kid (if it's a daughter) ever ends up dancing with you.

I consider it one of the great privileges of my life to have competed with my 16-year-old daughter (we actually won a gold medal in adult bronze standard). It's a highlight that few dads in history have ever had the chance to enjoy.

That's so cool! I started competing in high school, and I would have loved to dance with my dad!

And bonus: when she gets married, you're going to have just about the most awesome father-daughter dance ever.

 

[tanya_the_dancer]

Paction; My daughter sometimes likes to come with me to my lessons, but she can be a distraction (she flirts with my teacher!). It's hard to convey to her that the lessons cost a lot of money and she can't interfere. She actually tried it herself once, but didn't like the boys she had to dance with (it was quite comical, actually). She likes the whole "dress up, make up" aspect of it, and will wear my ribbons to school sometimes. She brought my trophy in for show and tell (I told her she needed to get her own trophy!). My son could really care less, but he will watch the videos from the comps.

I would love it if my daughter developed a like for ballroom/latin dance, but I have no intentions of forcing it on her.

How old are your kids? I have a 6th grader and I was occasionally bringing him to the lessons since he was 7. And now I also bring him to dance socials when he feels like it and to competitions (which he has no choice about - there's nobody I could ask to babysit overnight). Eventually he decided that he would like to do ballroom dance, too, and so far stuck with it for 18 months which is a major achievement in itself. He quit all other extracurriculars he tried - jazz, karate, piano, math club, soccer, swimming, basketball. I feel bad about the expense, but not too bad. The part I feel really torn about is that I would like to compete not just in summer + St. Louis Starball in March, but also do some other comps. But there's an issue of school schedule. For almost any comp between late August and end of May I looked at, he would have to miss 2-3 days of school.

 

[tangotime]

Kids

Both my ex and I, were in the " business ", full time and had three children , that kinda grew up around it ( even on our world travels ) and also owning studios, They all seemed to enjoy their many visits to our workplace when we were owners.; it became a juggling match when they were in school ,and when we had the 12-- 10 thing going on. looking back, many yrs with them , 2 became slightly involved and went onto other careers , but were very glad for the social structure it gave them .So for those of you who are in similar positions, expose them to the world of dance, they will probably thank you for it later on .