Being declined, a new twist

Vin

Vin

New Member
I get turned down sometimes when I ask for a dance, no biggie, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Here is my question when being turned down, is there a proper ettiquete?

Sometimes I feel bad because I don't even wait to listen if there is an explanation, I'm off to find a dance partner. I would rather someone say no or no thank you and let me go on my merry way.

Ladies, how do you feel when the guy just kind of heads off after you have indicated you do not want to dance and he does not really care if you have an explanation?
 
I have no problem with it; I understand if someone wants to dance and doesn't want to linger around to shoot the breeze. I go dancing to dance. I usually socialize if someone happens to be "on the bench" with me or while dancing. But, I don't get out much....so I'm generally there to be ON the floor, not to socialize.
 
Ditto. There used to be a time when I used to wait, but the moment someone declines I immediately head off to find someone else as I really want to dance.
 
I almost prefer it when they don't ask for an explanation . . . if I want to dance later, I'll find them later. If I just don't want to dance with them for whatever reason I may have, I'm saved the often-akward situation of having to decline without hurting their feelings. It's best to just take a no as a no - try again later if you like, but don't go trying to change her mind. As youngsta always says - 99% of the time her reason will have nothing to do with you anyway.
 
Vin said:
I get turned down sometimes when I ask for a dance, no biggie, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Here is my question when being turned down, is there a proper ettiquete?
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Well, don't curse her out.... :wink:

Actually, I would think it is rude to walk away from someone who is trying to complete a sentence. I will at least listen before walking away, to determine whether I'm being given a signal to ask again later....or a signal NOT to ask again later.

If it sounds like a woman is fumbling through her words trying to make up an excuse, there have been a couple of times where I've interrupted and said, "That's all right, there's no need to explain," since I assume she doesn't want to dance with me, and I don't plan to ask her again anyway.
 
Thanks for the replies,
Big10, that's the sort of feedback I was talking about. I am going to have to work on not just walking away if they are giving an explanation.

I never try and change anyones mind, what's the point. If it is someone I know I will wait around while they explain, and may ask them again later on in the night. Depending on the vibe I get from them.

If it is someone I don't know, I will not wait around and usually not ask them again for a couple of weeks, if I see them again.
 
I almost never turn down dances (heck, I almost never get asked), but when I do I'm giving the explanation AS I decline...instead of just saying, "no thanks," I say, "I'm sorry, I really need to sit this one out," or "I'm sorry, I promised this to so-and-so," and offer another later. Unless it's this one guy that NO one wants to dance with, then I don't offer another later. If I think someone's going to ask me that I don't want to dance with, I try the avoidance approach. :)

Anyway, this method of declining ensures the asker knows why and softens the rejection. I've had guys decline with "no, thanks" and didn't seem to offer a reason, so I walked away and never asked them again. One of them got me in the mixer a couple months ago after not dancing with me for years (he's been going to another studio). He was pleasantly surprised at how much I'd improved...just think how much he's missed out on all these years! :)
 
twnkltoz said:
I almost never turn down dances (heck, I almost never get asked), but when I do I'm giving the explanation AS I decline...instead of just saying, "no thanks," I say, "I'm sorry, I really need to sit this one out," or "I'm sorry, I promised this to so-and-so," and offer another later.
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Yeah. That's what I do as well. For example, I don't generally dance hustle at ballroom dances. So, if I'm saying no to a hustle, I'll say exactly that. "No thanks. I can't stand hustle. Can you save me a rumba or cha cha?" And then I'll go find them when the next rumba or cha comes on. With the right tone of voice, that has almost always worked for me, to keep me from doing hideous dances I don't want, while preserving other people's feelings. 8)
 
pygmalion said:
For example, I don't generally dance hustle at ballroom dances.
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What? I just don't understand??!! :shock:





Really, I'm just kidding, around. :D I like the hustle, in fact, it's one of my favorite dances. That is, if I can only get through the routine I have to perform in 3 weeks. :roll:
 
Purr said:
pygmalion said:
For example, I don't generally dance hustle at ballroom dances.
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What? I just don't understand??!! :shock:
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Good luck with the routine.

Gotta say I hate hustle, unless I'm dancing with someone who can dance without that th-thunk jerking feeling on the back step/rock step/coaster step. I've gotten my arms jerked out of the socket one time too many. :headwall: But I don't want to dance with the people I see as the good hustle dancers while turning down the bad, for fear of hurting their feelings. So I sit out all the hustles. It's easier that way. There aren't those many hustles played at the dances I attend, anyway. *shrug*
 
I won't do Viennese with most people, I only trust about 3 or 4 guys! It scares me. Luckily, not very many will ask me for it and I'll ask for a rain check.
 
well.. i dont care for an explanation.. but if she starts one anyway and i like the way she speaks i'll wait it out so long as it does not exceed 50 words.. :lol: if i dont like the way she sounds i just continue walking as if i didn't hear lol
 
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