Big Event How to Ask

[itwillhappen]

On the one hand, I agree with the basic idea that clothing doesn't matter. As I wrote, once I'm certain that the person I want to invite follows, I don't care how she's dressed.

So far I have not had the case that a woman accepted my invitation but then wanted to lead, perhaps even because she wanted to protest against my heteronormative understanding of roles. When this happens frequently, then I will consider how I can avoid it. Until then, I'm just checking that the lady isn't wearing rubber boots so I don't waste my time entirely.

On the other hand, clothing can serve as a useful shorthand when you have only a few seconds to invite someone to dance. As I also wrote, traditional follower garb, particularly high heels, signals "I am a woman who dances in the follower role." However, that can backfire badly . . . In particular, a huge number of not-so-great-but-persistent dancers smokescreen their lack of ability with expensive outfits.

But to be clear, I definitely react to visual stimuli, to ornaments, apart from any functionality.

 

[itwillhappen]

On wednesday before christmas i was at the most important milonga in my city (El Abrazo). Since I have broken knees, I dance in heavy braces (orthoses). So that these have enough space, I wear super wide baggy pants for dancing. At some point that evening, an unknown young woman hurried towards me and asked me to dance. Even during the first bars she said to me, I knew that you were a very good dancer, just because of the way you dressed. In fact, she was an excellent follower, too, everything was in a flow, everything felt right, very responsive, very flexible in the waist, stable axis. And she was cute too, harem's pants and ponytail!

A good example of how error-prone the interpretation of codes in clothing is. She probably never dreamed that you would have to dress like this as a conservative encuentro veteran due to medical reasons.

 

[pianistamediano]

• Look for a follower with "the uniform" (Tango shoes, knee length dress)

Appearance-wise, I wouldn't ask (cabeceo, walkeceo, etc.) if they're wearing something that might inconvenience me (e.g. from personal experience: dress covered in glitter - spent ten minutes in the gents scraping it off my sleeve; back of dress covered in rhinestones - made for a very pokey tanda).

Shoes: heels do generally (but not always) indicate that they want to follow; for ladies in flats, I tend not to look at them unless I've seen them following. If they still have their boots/street shoes on, obviously not.

Otherwise, I don't really care much about what they're wearing.

• What is the greatest distance you'll try cabeceo?

Probably some tables away (not a very exact measurement!), depending on the lighting conditions, as long as I can see her eyes clearly. If need be, I'll walk closer, but never too close (since that would just make her uncomfortable).

• Do you do a "walkeceo" or change seats each tanda to strive for spatial diversity?

Yes, but I only start walking once the tanda has begun. If I know what the next tanda is, I'll strategically position myself (standing or sitting) to be in direct line of sight of the follower/s I want to dance with.

As for strategies, they really vary - I tend to keep to myself, but here and there I'll strike up a conversation with people at the refreshments area, bar, coatroom, etc.. I've had a few tandas that way since it's a nice and unobtrusive way to draw followers' attention and make myself be more than just a nameless face in the crowd. They might also introduce you to other people.

I've had followers verbally ask me to dance in the middle of a conversation, and I've also asked them in similar situations. Something like Oh! this is a very nice Di Sarli tanda, would you like to dance it? It does need quite a bit of delicacy and tact to sense if they're willing to dance though. If you're not wanting to ask directly, maybe a comment or two about how good the music is in order to hint at wanting to dance before resuming the conversation. At times, it's not even needed - your eyes might meet, you might tilt your head or raise an eyebrow or nod towards the floor, and it's off to the races.

Like TTanguero said, be seen dancing.

Most of the above applies for ladies from your area, I suppose - if you can keep track of them (or if they tell you) throughout the event.

It also really depends on the layout of the event venue. I've been to a few (pre-Covid) where it was just a massive free-for-all, with people crowding around and trying to get onto the dance floor before the live band started playing - in such a chaotic situation, I'd just try my best to catch someone's eye.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Personally, I can't find any correlation between the clothes and good tandas so far. But even where I see a correlation, like height and shape, there are some exceptions. So it doesn't seem particularly wise to me to restrict yourself by rules.

OTOH, if I were a woman, I'd never dance with a guy in a T-shirt or cargo pants.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Personally, I can't find any correlation between the clothes and good tandas so far.

And you're unlikely to find one. His comment wasn't as much about ability but as it was about convention.

 

[opendoor]

..if I were a woman, I'd never dance with a guy in a T-shirt or cargo pants.

Are you involved in samesex dancing?

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Are you involved in samesex dancing?

No.

 

[tangoing]

OTOH, if I were a woman, I'd never dance with a guy in a T-shirt or cargo pants.

Why not?

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Why not?

Dunno. Probably for the same reason I don't like T-shirts and cargo pants at milongas. Especially, if the woman goes through the trouble of dressing up. I feel the milonga is an event and we should dress accordingly. You don't need to put on a tux but you shouldn't look like you just finished your workout at the gym. Maybe it's also a matter of respect for the other participants.

 

[Brummbaer]

Dunno. Probably for the same reason I don't like T-shirts and cargo pants at milongas. Especially, if the woman goes through the trouble of dressing up. I feel the milonga is an event and we should dress accordingly. You don't need to put on a tux but you shouldn't look like you just finished your workout at the gym. Maybe it's also a matter of respect for the other participants.

Probably goes with some old traditional BsAs codigo of leaders requiring a white shirt, and maybe even a jacket. But fashion dress codes and preferences have evolved since then. It's not all Mad Men office suits for business nowadays. Could almost have dress-up Fridays to mark the difference!

We all make biased associations from others clothing choices. The T-shirt and cargo pants does evoke associations.

 

[tangoing]

Dunno. Probably for the same reason I don't like T-shirts and cargo pants at milongas. Especially, if the woman goes through the trouble of dressing up. I feel the milonga is an event and we should dress accordingly. You don't need to put on a tux but you shouldn't look like you just finished your workout at the gym. Maybe it's also a matter of respect for the other participants.

For the week day milongas here I’m usually in tshirt(usually long sleeve in winter)/jeans but for the monthly weekend ones I’ll probably put on a dress shirt since most people are dressed up a bit more. Don’t think people have made negative associations in the weekly milongas based on me wearing tshirts at all.

 

[Rabbit]

as a sign of anything but having the money and time to dress up. In a follower-heavy environment, many exceptional leaders are in such constant demand that they dance nonstop and end up with scuffed shoes, dusty trousers (from all those pasadas . . .)

I wish people would stop putting all that powder on the floor. It is annoying and gets everywhere

 

[Brummbaer]

I wish people would stop putting all that powder on the floor. It is annoying and gets everywhere

Depends where you are, and who was there before, as to the type of 'powder'

It's been discussed elsewhere, but one of our hosts puts out a tray on the floor of appropriate dancefloor powder if it's sticky in places from previous usage (e.g. youth club, wake, etc). Just step in and rub you're shoes around. Stops large quantities being spread around indiscriminately if you don't have a dedicated, prepared, floor.

 

[noobster]

Dunno. Probably for the same reason I don't like T-shirts and cargo pants at milongas. Especially, if the woman goes through the trouble of dressing up. I feel the milonga is an event and we should dress accordingly. You don't need to put on a tux but you shouldn't look like you just finished your workout at the gym. Maybe it's also a matter of respect for the other participants.

I think dance wear needs to be comfortable and not impede movement.

Dresses work well for tango following because they leave the lower legs free. Any time I've worn trousers for tango I've caught a heel in my trouser leg at least once. So I don't do that anymore. I have a collection of comfortable stretchy dresses for dancing.

I wouldn't say I "go to the trouble of dressing up" but a dress by its nature does usually look, well, dressier.

Most men's dress clothing doesn't look very flexible or accommodating of movement to me. I hope the leaders feel free to wear clothing that works for their personal style and movement needs. I don't personally care what it looks like. Obviously if the organizers have stipulated a dress code then it's polite to comply. Otherwise, meh.

 

[JournalInTime]

I wish people would stop putting all that powder on the floor. It is annoying and gets everywhere

The stuff on my shoes and trouser cuffs isn't powder anybody put on the floor . . . it's just plain old dust. As the person who cleaned the floors at a studio for years, I realize it's hard to avoid, but it'd be nice if more places tried.