burnout: causes and timeline

Taking a break helps, because you start to miss the good things about dancing. Focusing on something new or different, for example argentine tango or west coast swing, brings back the joy of learning. Scaling back the number of lessons makes you appreciate the ones you have; lessons aren't so much work or taken for granted. Scaling back on events, whatever they might be, also makes you appreciate the ones you attend. Trying workshops from different teachers, or visiting new venues, also adds some variety and interest.

Of course, the underlying issue of sadness might not be with dancing at all, but instead life in general.
 
Lai Lai said:
This thread is more than year old; any development since then? Is it possible to get back the lost joy of dancing, once you get to the sad realization "I don't care"? Taking a few weeks of breaks from dance lessons returns joy of life in general, but after a short while "what's the point" question returns. Should one forget about tens of thousands and hundreds of hours invested in this hobby that once filled life with a joy but now makes you depressed and switch to something else? The option of letting it go seems as sad as continuing paying and spending time for something that makes me unhappy.
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Like Purr mentioned, I wonder if the underlying sadness is with something else...like a general feeling of unfulfillment, but it is affecting your views on and commitment to dancing. A break sounds like a great idea...where you can do some exploration of things that get you excited and feeling renewed. I had a time where I hated dancing, but it wasn't the dancing in reality...it was just my life situation. Nonetheless, I took a break for several years to explore new things and make my way in the world. Now that I've started dancing again, I'm so happy. But maybe dancing is a chapter for you and that's ok. It's ok to let go. This discontented feeling is telling you something - that a change is needed. Whichever way you make that change is up to you :).
 
I don't disagree with you - it might be the underlying issue. Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
 
Hi @Lai Lai , I think about this too sometimes. So I will share what a team mate said after last weekend's comp. He regretted the time away from training, time devoted to another pursuit that did not lead where he had hoped. Now having returned he is seeing other couples pass him by in results. Coincidentally, one of those couples' leader had much the same comments, also on a comeback. Of those of us who had quit at some point and are now back, all of us regretted that time away.

Some of the most insightful conversations about "where am I going with this ballroom thing" have been the carpool rides to/from comps, the road trips. We had a newcomer with us Saturday and she provided a fresh perspective, asking innocent questions which made us choke on self realizations. One common thread among us all was we use ballroom to get away from life's other pressures: school / work / relationships. This was the last comp of the season, for some couples their last comp together. So, much poignant soul searching, reflection and appreciation.

You asked if quitting is really the end. It does not have to be. Quitting may be a necessary step, for some. (Look up the adventure archetype "Hero's Journey".) I am not recommending you quit! My guess is few return to dance after quitting. But those few who do return feel a stronger pull. They need dance more. I doubt quitting made them stronger. Rather, they came back because they are stronger.
 
Lai Lai said:
Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
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If you are feeling a lack of interest, not sure why you are continuing. Frustration is one thing, lack of interest in another. Would changing your focus or trying a new style help? Nothing wrong with stopping something if you aren't interested in it any more. Doesn't mean that the time and money spent on it while you were interested was wasted.
 
Actual lack of interest does not involve reaching out to DF, seeking perspective. No, lack of interest would mean gone already, not looking back, shoes in the dustbin kind of not caring.

If her lack of interest is like how I have felt, it is more "it hurts to care so much, want so much, yearn with every fiber of my soul to improve at this sport, to dance the way I've seen others dance, to win ... so I'm going to tell myself I don't care." That is not apathy; that is passion burning up all you had to give.
 
Lai Lai said:
I don't disagree with you - it might be the underlying issue. Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
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I have went through all of these, and, surprisingly, my interest is starting to circle back to the beginning of the cycle. Part of it's what I talked about yesterday, and part of it's newer people that are taking lessons at the studio. They are involved in activities, and some are even going to their first competitions. They have an energy around them that I haven't felt in a long while. It's starting to give me some ideas......
 
Sorry in advance for the longwinded post:

Lai Lai said:
I don't disagree with you - it might be the underlying issue. Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
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I find I follow this cycle with pretty much everything and that the "Lack of Interest" step (so to speak) generally comes from hitting a big plateau.

First I get frustrated because my progress is stagnated, then I double down, then I almost seem to get worse, then I stop caring. When I was younger I used to quit at this point, but as I got older two things happened. One, I looked back at so many things I regretted stopping and thought about how good I'd be at them now if I'd kept going. And two, I read this book. As cheesy as it sounds, the book put a lot of things in perspective, helped me set better goals for myself, and pushed me to ride the lows so to speak.

Now I don't try and power through by practicing more and I definitely don't practice less. I keep things steady and just keep at it until something clicks and I start getting better again. All the while I just remind myself that effort is always rewarded at some point. It might not be in the near future, but eventually, I'll get where I want to be. In the meantime, I just enjoy the process for what it is.

The destination is great, but you spend barely any time there so I do my best to fixate less on that more on the day to day and squeezing the joy out of that instead.

tl;dr - I read this book, started setting better goals, and learned to enjoy the process rather than fixating on the destination and now I don't hit the "I don't care phase."
 
flying_backwards said:
Actual lack of interest does not involve reaching out to DF, seeking perspective. No, lack of interest would mean gone already, not looking back, shoes in the dustbin kind of not caring.

If her lack of interest is like how I have felt, it is more "it hurts to care so much, want so much, yearn with every fiber of my soul to improve at this sport, to dance the way I've seen others dance, to win ... so I'm going to tell myself I don't care." That is not apathy; that is passion burning up all you had to give.
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I was bursting in tears instantly as I began reading this. You should be a writer, Flying_Backwards!

For now, I will just switch to a different instructor. And will try talking with people more. :) Maybe eventually that will help to find a place where I belong.
Oh, and I am about to buy the book 10tmf mentioned.
 
Lai Lai said:
Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
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Meh. LOL. Sorry, I probably shouldn't joke.

I have had, through the years, several other hobbies. In virtually all those cases, I've gone down the <E-O-F-Meh-Screw it> path, with perhaps not so much emphasis on frustration.

But I've returned to them after varying lengths of time for varying lengths of time and never lost interest 100%, so I don't think burnout / loss of interest is necessarily limited to competitive dancing. And I don't think it's a "when you're done, you're done" sort of thing. (Well, except for golf. That I will not return to.)
 
Lai Lai said:
Just wondering if any stage exists after the Excitement -> Obsession -> Frustration -> Lack of interest -> I don't care -> ??? (The End?)
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I find myself circling between frustration and obsession. I wish I could move to lack of interest and stop this madness. Yes, I do love dancing, I alway will. But I come to realization that exact placement of my shoulders, my head, my ribs, hips and other body parts (or what you may call a technique) does not excite me and it frustrates a heck out of me that when I move free and feel happy while dancing, the outside observer may find my dancing less than perfect. And when I use all my mental and physical powers to do what my teacher tells me and look semi-decent on the floor, I feel constricted and dancing becomes hard work, not fun. At my last competition, I clearly remember thinking on the floor:” oh god, I wish it was over soon”. It was horrible, I felt neither free nor beutiful, I am just so stupid to continue to hope I can be both.
 
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