Can we talk dresses?

By the way, in defense of that judge, I was definitely not a dancer who had multi thousands to spend on dresses at that stage, and I was going through the culture shock of "how can this (full blinged out gowns) possibly be the expectation for how I should dress for my very first comp??" So I pushed and asked if it was really required and how I could dress appropriately less expensively. And I also was struggling to figure out what would be flattering on my body type and definitely didn't want to spend big money for a dress I wasn't even sure I liked. So I accidentally brought that on myself, in a way.

I think he didn't want to say - don't compete until you figure out how to dress appropriately, one way or another. And I was having a lot of trouble figuring out how to dress appropriately on my budget. Maybe it was for the best, since it got me on the comp floor. I don't know.

(I will also say for those who don't already know me from my previous posts, that I am what you might call a mildly disgruntled former competitor. I stopped dancing due to health issues, mostly. But for the most part I don't really miss competing, and the reasons why I don't miss it do tend to come out in my posts. One thing I don't miss is the intense focus on expensive and time consuming grooming for competition. The makeup and spray tans didn't agree with my skin, the hairdos were hard on my fine hair, the dresses were gorgeous but way too expensive, etc, etc. Other ladies actually love that aspect of competition, and love getting all dressed up for an event, and more power to them! In my day to day life, I'm more of a gardener than a wanna be beauty queen for my fashion tastes, lol. I don't even enjoy getting a manicure.)
 
raindance said:
By the way, in defense of that judge, I was definitely not a dancer who had multi thousands to spend on dresses at that stage, and I was going through the culture shock of "how can this (full blinged out gowns) possibly be the expectation for how I should dress for my very first comp??" So I pushed and asked if it was really required and how I could dress appropriately less expensively. And I also was struggling to figure out what would be flattering on my body type and definitely didn't want to spend big money for a dress I wasn't even sure I liked. So I accidentally brought that on myself, in a way.

I think he didn't want to say - don't compete until you figure out how to dress appropriately, one way or another. And I was having a lot of trouble figuring out how to dress appropriately on my budget. Maybe it was for the best, since it got me on the comp floor. I don't know.

(I will also say for those who don't already know me from my previous posts, that I am what you might call a mildly disgruntled former competitor. I stopped dancing due to health issues, mostly. But for the most part I don't really miss competing, and the reasons why I don't miss it do tend to come out in my posts. One thing I don't miss is the intense focus on expensive and time consuming grooming for competition. The makeup and spray tans didn't agree with my skin, the hairdos were hard on my fine hair, the dresses were gorgeous but way too expensive, etc, etc. Other ladies actually love that aspect of competition, and love getting all dressed up for an event, and more power to them! In my day to day life, I'm more of a gardener than a wanna be beauty queen for my fashion tastes, lol. I don't even enjoy getting a manicure.)
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I am still competing, but I agree about the emphasis on appearance being overdone and too expensive. Some of my fellow competitors love this aspect.
I limit the number of competitions, and view them more as a test of my progress. I do not tan, and I do my own makeup. I prefer a more natural look at my age. And redheads are not known for deep, golden tans. More like lobster red burns. Wonder how that would look on the floor!
Are my scores lower because of this. Probably/possibly. But I am competing against myself, where have I improved.
 
@raindance - I hate manicures too! Leave my cuticles alone. They hurt and get infections easily after being butchered.

On to the topic at hand, the expensive dresses...
I've been given the advice that ballroom has a certain look, and there's a certain level of conformity to the "look" that people and judges expect.

I've been told some judge use it to assess if you respect the sport and its long-standing history of high society feel, which comes with a culture of elegance, opulence and excessive luxury. (There's a reason for all the couture brands.) Or, do you just want to dance - and could care less about maintaining the traditions of the sport you are joining.

If judges have to rank a skilled dancer who is beautifully made-up and drank the "kool-aid", embracing the sport as a whole, or an equally good dancer who isn't interested in maintaining the culture and tradition... an unfavorable decision for the latter should not be surprising.

I figured I'm not that good of a ballroom dancer, so I want to minimize the things within my control that could make it harder for me to be scored well.

Now, I don't advocate for a newbie to spends thousands upon thousands for a new dance dress - either. At that point, the dress is more impressive than the dance/ movement quality that the dancer can produce. I've been told repeatedly - and I agree...the dress can be respectable to the ballroom culture, commensurate with the skill level of the dancer, move well, last more than 1 comp season, and not break the bank.

DF has been a great resource on where you can have a decent quality dance dress made to your measurements - that's not over the top - under $1k.

I don't regret making these entry-level investments. I've even had some of the instructors and ballroom fashionistas compliment my dresses - and share that they sparkle across the room. (I paid a little extra for the upgrade in rhinestone quality.)

Something to consider...

Side note:
I've never been complimented more than when I get dolled up for comp. My family, my friends, strangers, instructors all gush over the look.
 
fiesta0618 said:
Yes, that's completely true. Everyone is clawing for attention, and in doing so, they make a somewhat uniform tableau. When my partners walk down the street in the morning before the competition, dressed in comfortable sweats, but wearing their hair and face, they're way more conspicuous than when they put on the shiny dress and get on the floor among all the other shiny dresses. The context affects the impact.

But if you're trying to be heard in a room where everyone is yelling, you still get more mileage by yelling yourself then you do by whispering. It is very much an arms race, and unfortunately there is no way to gain a competitive advantage by not playing it.

****

That's pretty weird, isn't it? And in a lot of ways, it probably doesn't sound like much fun. At best, it involves stepping well outside of your comfort zone. At worst, it can feel like a betrayal of your inner self, putting on a face that isn't at all you.

There are a couple of ideas I encourage rookie competitors to try on for a size, given these psychological challenges.

The first one is, the value of the competition does not have to be measured by final placement. There are so many other goals you can use them for: challenging yourself to perform in public, which is a useful life skill; dancing all-out with big adrenaline in a way you can't really match on any social floor; living out a fairytale prince/princess fantasy. Just to name a few.

And if your goals in entering a competition are not restricted to "win or bust," then you're freed from the pressure to play all the stupid little metagames that competitors do to gain the smallest edge. Wear what you want--the costume that makes you feel confident and genuine--in full knowledge that it might put you at a disadvantage. Because placements aren't why you're here and aren't how you will measure your success, that disadvantage is meaningless.

The second idea I encourage rookie competitors to sit with is, competition is not a requirement to become a good dancer. There are several obvious advantages to competing, with respect to goal setting, deadlines, and organizational structure, and I think that ballroom teachers gravitate to competition precisely because of those things. But if you are sufficiently self-motivated that you can light the fire under yourself, then competitions might just be a distraction.

My wife is like this, in fact. Loves to dance, loves to practice and grow, but really doesn't like competing. She only does it as a favor to me, because I need that structure in order to keep focused.

*******

So, my advice to you? You don't need do anything crazy in your first competition. Your pros and coaches may push you to invest heavily, both money and mindset. That is to be expected, as upgrading your dancing as efficiently as possible is their main goal, and going deep into competition is a well-tested avenue for doing that. But you do have agency enough to say no to the things that sound like a bridge too far, and you should use that agency.

Try out the contest, in whatever manner makes you feel comfortable. Watch. Listen. Observe. Feel things. At the end, think about what you liked about the experience, and what you didn't. If, on the balance, you liked it more than you didn't, you can try going a little deeper next time!
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Thank you for your very well thought out answer. Especially the advice the value of the competition does not have to be measured by final placement. I think that I was only focusing on the end result, and I think your suggestion is much more worthwhile. I believe I will wear what I am most comfortable in, and not worry about all the rest. Performing in Public is challenge enough for me. Kindest Regards, Ca. Dancer
 
A friend who is also over 55 did her first competition in a black long-sleeved leotard, black swirly skirt, and a bright shiny wide sequined belt that she bought at one of those stores in the mall that has such things. She placed very well. IIRC, she didn't buy a purpose-made gown until she had already done a couple of competitions.

For my first comp, I bought a used gown.
 
This is the direction that I am thinking of going also. I find it hard for anyone over 55 to pull off most of the Latin Dresses. I have seen a few dresses that I like, but I would have to have them made which I am not prepared to do yet.
 
CA Dancer said:
I am relatively new to Ballroom competitions. I will be doing my first PRO-AM American Rhythm comp later this year. Isn't the object of competitions supposed to be on the dancing and not the costume?
I am in the 55+ catagory and none of us who should be wearing what the pros wear. ( I understand the concept for the Pros) So why spend thousands? Can someone shed some light on this topic for me?
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I'm in the senior group too and it is a fine line with looking appropriate for your age and wanting to look like a Latin dancer. I don't go crazy but I do want a dress that "fits" in with everyone else's. I refuse to spend thousands. I get custom-made from some relatively good and inexpensive companies & have them adjusted or altered if need be. I can also put on more rhinestones as needed to "glam" it up a bit. I want to look good enough to not stand out in a bad way (same with hair and make-up) but not break the bank. I'm not a pro. It's a serious activity for me but it's also not going to fund my retirement with prize money. One thing to think about - I love dark colors but I got feedback from a pro from another studio whom I've know for years & dances with my Latin coach, that I blended in too much with the background - everything was black. He told my coach I needed a brighter dress. You see some gorgeous dresses and others that you can't figure out what where they thinking?? just make sure you have a dress you feel comfortable in, fits well and dances well. You want your rhythm dress to show motion but you also don't want a dress that is going to fall off when you really start moving. I have one that I love and I had to have it altered so the straps didn't fall off my shoulders. I spent one competition just trying to keep the straps up so I didn't have a Janet Jackson moment. (I got some firsts at that one - go figure!) I have sleeves put in and make sure the back isn't too low that I can't wear fishnet. I also know what areas of my body that I need to disguise or not empathize. Since you are dancing later this year you have time to look at styles to see what works for you. Don't get hung up on the pricing. I've been at enough to know that people will win without their hair being done or in old lady shoes or in second hand dresses. Dancing with confidence and attitude means more than (I think) the dress.
 
MarM said:
I'm in the senior group too and it is a fine line with looking appropriate for your age and wanting to look like a Latin dancer. I don't go crazy but I do want a dress that "fits" in with everyone else's. I refuse to spend thousands. I get custom-made from some relatively good and inexpensive companies & have them adjusted or altered if need be. I can also put on more rhinestones as needed to "glam" it up a bit. I want to look good enough to not stand out in a bad way (same with hair and make-up) but not break the bank. I'm not a pro. It's a serious activity for me but it's also not going to fund my retirement with prize money. One thing to think about - I love dark colors but I got feedback from a pro from another studio whom I've know for years & dances with my Latin coach, that I blended in too much with the background - everything was black. He told my coach I needed a brighter dress. You see some gorgeous dresses and others that you can't figure out what where they thinking?? just make sure you have a dress you feel comfortable in, fits well and dances well. You want your rhythm dress to show motion but you also don't want a dress that is going to fall off when you really start moving. I have one that I love and I had to have it altered so the straps didn't fall off my shoulders. I spent one competition just trying to keep the straps up so I didn't have a Janet Jackson moment. (I got some firsts at that one - go figure!) I have sleeves put in and make sure the back isn't too low that I can't wear fishnet. I also know what areas of my body that I need to disguise or not empathize. Since you are dancing later this year you have time to look at styles to see what works for you. Don't get hung up on the pricing. I've been at enough to know that people will win without their hair being done or in old lady shoes or in second hand dresses. Dancing with confidence and attitude means more than (I think) the dress.
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Your advice about the dark colors has me thinking ... of course what I am planning is black! But it does have a "flouncy" skirt with black velvet trim and the back of the top is black velvet roses on see-through mesh. I could get a similar outfit made in Fushia velvet, but now that I've gotten this far I think I will stick with the black that I have. But once I've competed in it I will re-access with the pros in my studio.
 
MarM said:
Dancing with confidence and attitude means more than (I think) the dress.
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Alicia Keys Yes GIF by Complex
 
A couple of other things you might try down the road:

Ask around the studio. Ask pros and fellow competitors if they know of any used dresses people might be selling. Some studios even keep a closet of dresses for emergency use or for sale.

At comps or studio events around your town, if you see someone in a dress that you love or think might be good on your particular body type, compliment the dancer or ask about the dress! Dancers have been known to make you an offer on the spot, or let you know that they have other dresses they are selling. Some dancers seem to be in a almost constant state of selling their dresses while simultaneously buying others. If nothing else you may get a lead on designers that aren't well-known but do great work at lesser expense.

Good luck!
 
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