Can you enjoy it knowing that you suck?

G

genEus

New Member
I keep running into the same problem in life and now it's transferred into dance... Problem is that when I know that I'm not "good" at something I can't enjoy doing it. "Good" is relative, not absolute. Of course if I compare myself to Frankie Martinez I should just quit dancing now because I will never get there. But "good" to me means that I feel that I'm getting better, that my lead is improving, that my body posture and motion are improving, that I'm trying out new moves and making them work, each time I dance. When I start feeling that I'm doing the same things the same way over and over again I can't keep doing them and enjoying myself.

I see the same dancers in local clubs all the time and there are many that have never taken any lessons at all or are street style dancers. What surprises me is that when they see my teacher dance his smooth yet precise NY/LA style salsa their jaws drop but I have never seen them come to class or even talk to him about it. But, back to my point -- those people seem to be having fun dancing off beat, no partner connection, no eye contact, no posture, randomly twisting their partners arms to make them turn, nothing more sophisticated than a cumbia step, etc. At times I wish I didn't know what I know about salsa, haven't seen dozens of congress video clips and haven't realized how little I know so I could just have fun with the music and being "out!" My teacher tells me to do whatever I know and enjoy it but I'd rather not dance at all than be "bad" at it.

I know that thinking is destructive and I have quit some things that I started in life with the same attitude. Just trying to reason through it now and keep going this time.

Opinions?
 
those people seem to be having fun dancing off beat, no partner connection, no eye contact, no posture, randomly twisting their partners arms to make them turn, etc
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Well, you could chalk this up to "ignorance is bliss". I know what you mean, though. When I used to go out clubbing with the girls, we just moved and had a good time. We weren't thinking about our technique or posture. Sometimes when you have to think so much about getting it right, it zaps a lot of the fun.

I guess what I do is rather than make comparisons to someone I can never hope to dance like, I just think about where I was (and what I looked like) a year ago. And then I look at my first videos (gasp....if I want to lose a few pounds in a week, looking at those videos will always do the trick!). And you're right when you say that "good is relative". Someone will always think you're not good, (baahhhh!) but I'm sure there's a whole lot more who will think you are.
 
I can relate. Sometimes during our studio practice dances, I get so frustrated with myself for blowing a lead or some other mistake, that the event ceases to be enjoyable. My LW says I'm too hard on myself. Perhaps she's right. But I feel like I've got a long way to go before I'm satisfied with my abilities. BTW, we've been dancing since the beginning of July, so we're still beginners.
 
I was actually going to start a thread related to this, but since one is already here...

This is not to say that one shouldn't strive to improve their dancing, but to me, one of the great things about dancing is that you don't have to be great at it to enjoy it and have the time of your life with it.

My Salsa isn't great at all, but I still enjoy it; in fact my WCS probably isn't either, but I still thrive off of it.

:D
 
great topic, i totally identify.

incremental goals are the way i try to quell my internal voices... i know it would be 'ideal' if i could be all zen about it and just enjoy, but the reality is that it's not my personality and i don't have the desire to do what it would take to become a "zen" type person.

so i make little goals, and work on reaching them, then i make new ones. it mostly works for me.
 
I would suggest it has less to do with dancing, and more with being a "perfectionist" for lack of a better word. Let it go. There will always be better dancers, and worse dancers. There will always be those who have great fun and don't have a clue what they are doing. First, quit comparing yourself to others. WHy bother (see above). Second, don't always require perfect execution. In fact, when you blow the lead on one thing, make it into something else. I do this and it drives my DW nuts! Remember, you ARE a beginner. Enjoy what you can do now what you couldn't do earlier. Relax, there isn't anything perfect. Perfectionism is a hindrance to enjoyment. It can never be achieved. Strive t get better, but only so you can have more fun!
 
Hmm, i think i'm so stuck in this situation. Somehow i'm so self conscious of the fact that i suck i just can't seem to have a good time.....
 
i wish i could 'let it go' like that, but honestly, for an adult already secure in their achiever-type personality development, that's a very difficult thing to do. it's much more reasonable, in my opinion, being one of those types of people, to address this with behavior modification.

behavior first, maybe the zen attitude will follow....
 
I always remember that, although I suck, I suck well, because I try NOT to suck, AND there are those who will always suck worse than me, because there are fifty billion other sweaty nasty humans on the planet, reproducing by the millions each second :D .
 
I can really identify too. It was only yesterday that I found myself extremely upset over same situation. I get so angry and frustrated with myself that it makes me want to cry.

I've been dancing for far too long now to be so rubbish! I know it's all my own fault for wanting too much from myself . . . I just want to look good to a certain degree and more importantly feel great when I dance.

My teachers seem to think I'm doing great, however, but I know that doesn't mean much when you want a lot more from yourself - perhaps my standards are just much too high? I do end up comparing myself to others frequently, others in my school as well as top competitors.

I know that the only way I will get over this is if I keep going and don't give up. You can only get better with time and effort and I'm prepared to work at it. My advice is that if you love what you're doing, keep at it. If it's something you enjoy at least you still have that.
 
macha said:
I always remember that, although I suck, I suck well, because I try NOT to suck, AND there are those who will always suck worse than me, because there are fifty billion other sweaty nasty humans on the planet, reproducing by the millions each second :D .
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:shock:

not sure what to say to that except for one little correction - there are only about 6 billion people on the planet. As for sweaty and nasty, please count me out. I may be sweaty but definitely not nasty :eyebrow:
 
I take comfort in the fact that I know I can dance better than ~90% of the people in the world, because I'm trying to learn. That effort and those lessons have given me more dancing skill than those who have never done more than the "hug n' sway".

EDIT: I also know that I'm having more fun simply because I don't need to be drunk to even come within view of a dance floor. ;)
 
Dizzy's Desiderata said:
6. If you compare yourself with others, you may become frustrated or overconfident, for always there will be greater and lesser dancers than yourself.
http://members.aol.com/dwise1/dance/dizzys.html
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In class, try to improve and perfect. On the dance floor, have fun. Of course you should try to do your best, but since we will always make mistakes, have fun. Did I remember to mention to have fun?

Last year I went into a horrible slump that lasted about 10 months and in which I had almost completely lost my confidence. I fell into that slump because I was trying so hard to please my dance partners (as part of my trying to learn how to please my wife, now my x2b, a person who is literally impossible to please). What brought me out of that slump and back on the proper path was discovery that the reason for dancing is to have fun and your partner will enjoy the dance if you let her have fun and you do that through the playful interaction of the dance.

Besides, the only way you're going to get better is if you go out there and dance. And have fun. My dance hero is this guy who started out just a little less than a year ago, a complete beginner. With just a few beginning ECS classes (as part of Lindy) he immediately started going out dancing and trying to use what he had just learned. He sucked and he knew that and he had fun anyway. In class and off the dance floor he kept trying to figure it out and asked questions, but he kept going out on the dance floor and kept dancing. I hadn't seen him for the past few months, but a few weeks ago he told me that he's learning WCS now and he's preparing for an upcoming pro-am competition. Less than a year from being a rank beginner. It took me more than a year of Lindy classes before I dared to go out dancing (3 years after I had first started to learn dancing), and even then I sat out for most of the dances. What Jim did seems so phenomenal, but in reality all he did was to go about it in the right way. And he had fun doing it.

Also, I have a solid reputation in all my dance classes of being the guy who's always smiling. One day in Lindy class, one of the older women who also is always smiling remarked to me that she always smiles when she gets frustrated. I said, "Really? You do that too?" From the very beginning (which was an intermediate salsa class; long story), I had decided that since I was going to screw everything up anyway, I'd just laugh at myself and have fun with it. Sure I can still get frustrated, but I'm not letting it bother me too much.
 
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