Continuing to dance when things get tough

[VronskyWasSoVain]

I started dancing two years ago. At the time, my career situation was very cushy. Too cushy in fact. I got complacent and it was time for a change. Recently, I've embarked on a new career path and it's great but the thing is, I have to work very hard and I have less energy to maintain dance.

Dance is something important in my life. It's transformed me in many ways. I love it. And I don't want to lose it. But I have high expectations for myself. And so having to adjust to the new reality that my dance progress may stagnate or not improve is not something I like.

But that's the reality. There are times during the week where I can't come to the studio because I'm just too drained. There are times where even if I come to the studio, I'm not dancing at my optimal best because I had a tiring day and my body is tired.

I'm a perfectionist by nature and maybe I still have this childish naive notion that life works linearly. As in you should be making linear progress in everything in life. But life isn't linear. It's peaks and valleys.

Just wondering what struggles you went through on your dance journey. And how you overcame it.

 

[opendoor]

...don't want to lose it. But I have high expectations for myself... progress may stagnate.. I'm a perfectionist.. Just wondering what struggles you went through..

Hi @VronskyWasSoVain , good to hear of you: And to put it in a nutshell: Don´t fear! Dancing has so many facets. Of course you cannot train so hard you want to. But this may be a chance to open an entry to different aspects of dancing you have ignored (not to say suppressed) for a while: as for instance history, musicality, photographing, painting, djaying, doing research, and so on. I cannot dance for a while because I had a surgery in my right knee. Ten years ago I had three surgeries in my left knee. There were so many month I haven´t been on the dance floor, but I did not break up the connections to my dance community. Regularly I djay, or I show up at noon to talk to my former mates, have a champagne at the bar of the studio.

 

[RiseNFall]

I think we've all had difficulties at one time or another. It seems to be very difficult for most of us to cut back whatever the reason, and I have seen a lot of people quit instead. However, your dancing will be better two years from now if you continue through this phase than if you stop altogether. I have had time restraints where I was only guaranteed dancing once a week; sometimes I also got in for classes and/or a party, but not always. I've also had injuries where I've had to cut back. Interestingly, in one case, my dancing improved when I started dancing less. If you are dancing less frequently, it does becomes more important to take some notes to review before you go in again to help get your brain back in dancing mode.

 

[j_alexandra]

have a champagne at the bar of the studio.

I like your studio!

 

[VronskyWasSoVain]

@opendoor

I'm getting re-engaged into my career. I started ballroom dancing mainly cause I felt disillusioned/bored with my career but now I'm more motivated at work and I'm also looking to take some courses to gain new knowledge. So you're right, now might be time to do so.

@RiseNFall

Interesting how your dancing got better when you danced less. For me, reduced time dancing as well as sometimes showing up for a lesson after an exhausting day and my body is tired just doesn't work very well. Dancing for me is all muscle memory and I need to actively use those muscles or else it just atrophies.

You're definitely right about not quitting. I think back to previous times in my life where I quit something when things got tough and I've always regretted it. I don't want this to happen with dance. Life isn't always gonna be hunky dory. Gotta learn to battle through the obstacles.

 

[opendoor]

@opendoor: I'm getting re-engaged into my career. I started ballroom dancing mainly cause I felt disillusioned..

With other words, you´ve fooled us? That´s too easy, Vronsky: once a dancer, always a dancer. You cannot flee from your destiny. Of course a lot went wrong, I told you right from the beginning that the relation to your teachers/instructors was a quit3 peculiar. I spoke of a bubble, an illusion, that you´ve lived in. This brake now could be kind of a redefinition. Now its your turn: All the best for you, and soon back on the pista.

 

[VronskyWasSoVain]

@opendoor

You are quite correct although your info is kinda outdated. Yes I began ballroom dancing cause I was bored with my career and a lot of my friends were newly engaged/married and so I had time to burn. Also, I saw it as a way maybe to meet more women. None of my initial goals came true. Didn't meet anyone suitable via dance but my goals simply changed. And yeah, my first teacher I was infatuated with which is why I changed teachers. That was more than a year ago and since then I've been dancing for health/fitness reasons only. It's like going to the gym. If I go two weeks without dancing, I feel like garbage.

Also, I am currently seeing someone and I didn't meet her via dance. She doesn't dance and although she respects my hobby, it's not something she's interested in. In other words, I'm dancing for myself and not for others.

But life changes. New job. New relationship. I'm often too busy and exhausted but dance isn't something I want to give up. For very practical reasons because I just can't see myself instead going to a gym or taking up some sport. That's just not me. I'd have no other avenue of getting fit. I just think maybe I need to adjust my expectations.

 

[opendoor]

All the best for you, VronskyWasSoVain !

 

[Well Rounded]

I've had to dance less, dance at different places, and even take a few months off. Each time I had to decrease my dancing, I had a firm restart plan. I make myself return to my "normal" dance habits for at least one week on a specific date. This gives me a fair chance to remember how much I love dance and how beneficial it is when I dance regularly. If I don't set the date, or I just show up for 1 class or lesson, it can be tough to get back in the groove and it can easily slip away.

 

[JournalInTime]

But this may be a chance to open an entry to different aspects of dancing you have ignored (not to say suppressed) for a while: as for instance history, musicality, photographing, painting, djaying, doing research, and so on.

This is awesome advice.

—

I started dancing – in my case, Argentine tango – just over six years ago (February 2013). From early 2013 to late 2016, I was heavily immersed. I became one of my home studio's go-to accompaniers (partners for dancers without partners), and consequently got to do and redo courses many times; I became one of the studio's bartenders; I volunteered to work at a festival hosted by the studio owner; and I even became the person giving the "free intro to tango" classes. There were years where I never missed even one workshop on anything vaguely related to tango (I'm a man, and I took the "technique for women" classes because they were free for me!). I was also taking private lessons with up to three teachers each week. At one stage I did the math and realized I was studying or practicing tango 15 to 20 hours some weeks.

Then my father got a terminal cancer diagnosis and I had to travel a lot to be with him. Then he died and I had to deal with grief and family finances. Then my marriage hit the rocks . . . and my soon-to-be-ex-wife was my primary dance partner. Then the tango studio where I did all the stuff in the previous paragraph went out of business. Then I basically trashed an ankle by slipping on ice. And then due to my breakup, I had to move in a hurry, at considerable expense.

There were long periods there where dancing wasn't an option. Today I still study tango, but I've had to dial it back to working with a private teacher once a week and attending one practice a week. Practice and study now fill four or five hours a week.

Moreover, my new life partner has a life-altering illness that restricts her energy level. Where I might have been out actually dancing (not practicing or taking lessons) two to five times a week in the past, I'm out more like one or two times a week nowadays.

What I've discovered is that you have to do what opendoor said: Expand your vision of "dance."

My partner and I use our limited lesson time to fix specific technical problems or to perfect particular steps, and we spend time during the week discussing what those are. I read more books on tango. I occasionally rent practice space with my partner when she has energy, and we make it more like a date than like work, dancing to our favorite tangos without the need to follow an external schedule. And I meet my tango teacher socially to talk about theory. I feel I've replaced quantity with quality, and also connected better with my partner. Yes, by definition that means my focus is more on "dancing at my best with one person" when it was formerly "being able to dance with everyone," but I've discovered that the second thing isn't a skill you lose if you had it beforehand and you dance at least sometimes.

 

[Brummbaer]

I started dancing over 45 years ago - but in another discipline not covered in this forum. I started as an escape from study and social reasons, i.e. to meet girls. Let's face it, there's not enough men in dance, but if you're available there are plenty of fit young women.

So, my wife-to-be, not a dancer, said she'd like to learn. We're still together and still dancing.

Starting late in that area of dance meant that you were never going to be good enough to compete in major competitions. So it was social or, if you wanted to compete, at a local level.

Children, finance, and moreover injury caused breaks in dancing. Sometimes it was just good to get away from the pressure of work, home life, whatever, get a child minder and go dancing for an evening.

A succession of serious injuries from falls eventually got my wife out of that area of dance. We'd taken an interest in other areas of dance anyway so, following yet another recovery, we approached ballroom. Some very good teaching, but didn't quite raise the interest level - until we discovered Argentine Tango (the social form, not ballroom).

Excellence (winning?) in dance itself has never been a goal, rather dancing is an escape from the pressures of life. Dance as if no one is watching - but take some lessons because they are.

 

[IndyLady]

Dance as if no one is watching - but take some lessons because they are.

Ha ha, love this. I'm going to steal it.

 

[FancyFeet]

I change things when I hit those rough patches. Over the years I've taken a break (or several), added a second style, shifted my focus from social to competitive, taken additional lessons with someone else somewhere else, dabbled in powerlifting, learned ballet, studied health and fitness, made costumes and practicewear for myself and others... and now I'm exploring moving into teaching, and not beating myself up over the fact that my goals have shifted.

One of the things like most about ballroom is that there is not just one way to do it, and you can find the way that works for you.

 

[MKUltra-J]

WOW. Finally a group that may 'get' the powerful effect enveloping my being in so many ways.
I started (or restarted) dancing because my blood pressure was recorded at 200 by my physician who suggested pills to remedy the problem. If I can avoid chemicals I will try anything. I knew I needed some kind of fitness. Going to a gym maybe? Knowing myself and my obstinacy to being told what I must do and how to do that, it would never happen. Then I remembered that I loved to dance. In the 90s I was a monster on the dance floor. Got a Bluetooth speaker and gave it a go. I never stopped dancing since. A full hour of dancing @125BPM House / Techno mix. From the go I noticed the synching of my dancing to the music. I was predicting every change in the music and the mixes. Also gave every groove a different style of dance. Songs that I danced to 20 years ago my memory made me remember exactly how I danced before. I usually leave my subconscious to dance with me.
In the meanwhile I continued dancing. Getting better and better. (side effect to my dancing is restoring perfect balance). I'm at a point where there is no competition. I can't even imagine anyone with the combination of qualities to make dancing into an impromptu performance of anything thrown at me.
I even got applause for dancing 20m with headphones on. Inquisitive spectators wanted to listen to what I was doing to. Every time their response is; "I get it".
Never have I felt threatened or aggression either dancing or something (sitting?, rhythm makes me move to every percussion instrument in a song / track). Almost everything to me is set to dance making everything I do is timed, with grace and a perfect flow.
I'm the strangest person I know. I really like being this me. Being 49 years old I end up with a body age of < 21 (under) years. I certainly do have a crazy amount of energy. Sometimes I still go party in the club, where I get on the stage immediately to kickstart everyone to dance along with me. Turned 3000 people standing around into dancing masses. Took 2 minutes to change the entire atmosphere into a party.. As I read the first post in the thread I couldn't be THAT much more obnoxious.
I have a couple (more than 2) of videos of me dancing (2+ years old) to mixes. Recorded 3 months into the metamorphosis of my inner soul becoming the individual that is me.

 

[MKUltra-J]