Misspendragon
Forum Master
The last two weeks were almost total s***. There is no better way to put it, even I have a hard time with putting a positive spin on things right now.
I've got COVID again, and while I'm being a spoiled bitch complaining about it (I feel perfectly fine and should be grateful for that), I HATE it that I cannot dance at the studio, do CrossFit, do anything. I started an 8-Weeks online Calisthenics program which is awesome (that's why I used the word "almost" in my first sentence), but as much as it is very interesting and challenging and, I can already tell, extremely beneficial, it cannot make up for dancing.
Because I simply couldn't tolerate sitting at home any longer, I went for a solitary run yesterday. As you may recall, I'm not supposed to run right now because of my plantar fasciitis, so I woke up this morning with my right hip hurting like crazy. I felt fine while running, but I guess I don't distribute weight properly while running because of my foot, and so my hip got hurt. Yes, I know, it serves me right.
And, what really gets me the most, my narcissistic, father-of-the-year ex, who has been dating for a year a Thai girl with no paperwork who is 18 years his junior (and by dating, I mean Zoom meetings and a couple of holidays at either in Thailand or other locations she can get to without a US Visa), decided that the girl was the "love of his life" and he would start a new family and abruptly and without warning, on the day of our daughter's birthday, canceled his phone, deleted all our daughter's pictures from his Facebook profile, and cancelled Vivi's medical insurance as well as her Roblox account, without so much as a parting text. Vivi cannot reach her father over the phone since the phone was cancelled, and he does not answer her emails at all. The last communication between them was him publicly shaming his 9-year-old daughter in front of her Roblox friends for being a bad daughter, and him "deserving better." (All Viola did was complain to her father in private that he went on three different fancy holidays this summer but didn't take her on a single one. My ex's response was that she shouldn't be so materialistic and that she was a bad daughter and he deserved better. I nearly exploded when I read his Roblox comments).
Viola cried for three days straight and then decided to eliminate her father from her memory altogether. Occasionally at night she still cries, and she refuses to sleep alone, and it kills me that I cannot do anything but hold her and tell her that she is loved.
And to top the list, because of a work-related responsibility I cannot get out of, I must stay in the States for Christmas, even though I haven't been back to Hungary in five years. My stepmom has cancer that just returned, and my younger sister is dying of MS, still in her 30s and bedridden. There are days when I wake up rigid with terror and rage.
To take my mind off of all this, I'm watching on DSI TV old Blackpool and International comps and try to learn what I can via videos from the world's best dancers. I realized that I have probably vastly underestimated the importance of balance, for example. I always understood it in simple terms, like you fall or stumble or at least wobble, so you are out of balance, or you can do your steps without a problem, so you must be in balance. But I understand now that there is SO much more to balance than that! Nearly all depends on it, from self-confidence and presence through rootedness and proper hip action and our ability to have time and fill movements with life. The best dancers have the best balance; therefore, they have all the time in the world to really dance, which is everything.
I've got COVID again, and while I'm being a spoiled bitch complaining about it (I feel perfectly fine and should be grateful for that), I HATE it that I cannot dance at the studio, do CrossFit, do anything. I started an 8-Weeks online Calisthenics program which is awesome (that's why I used the word "almost" in my first sentence), but as much as it is very interesting and challenging and, I can already tell, extremely beneficial, it cannot make up for dancing.
Because I simply couldn't tolerate sitting at home any longer, I went for a solitary run yesterday. As you may recall, I'm not supposed to run right now because of my plantar fasciitis, so I woke up this morning with my right hip hurting like crazy. I felt fine while running, but I guess I don't distribute weight properly while running because of my foot, and so my hip got hurt. Yes, I know, it serves me right.
And, what really gets me the most, my narcissistic, father-of-the-year ex, who has been dating for a year a Thai girl with no paperwork who is 18 years his junior (and by dating, I mean Zoom meetings and a couple of holidays at either in Thailand or other locations she can get to without a US Visa), decided that the girl was the "love of his life" and he would start a new family and abruptly and without warning, on the day of our daughter's birthday, canceled his phone, deleted all our daughter's pictures from his Facebook profile, and cancelled Vivi's medical insurance as well as her Roblox account, without so much as a parting text. Vivi cannot reach her father over the phone since the phone was cancelled, and he does not answer her emails at all. The last communication between them was him publicly shaming his 9-year-old daughter in front of her Roblox friends for being a bad daughter, and him "deserving better." (All Viola did was complain to her father in private that he went on three different fancy holidays this summer but didn't take her on a single one. My ex's response was that she shouldn't be so materialistic and that she was a bad daughter and he deserved better. I nearly exploded when I read his Roblox comments).
Viola cried for three days straight and then decided to eliminate her father from her memory altogether. Occasionally at night she still cries, and she refuses to sleep alone, and it kills me that I cannot do anything but hold her and tell her that she is loved.
And to top the list, because of a work-related responsibility I cannot get out of, I must stay in the States for Christmas, even though I haven't been back to Hungary in five years. My stepmom has cancer that just returned, and my younger sister is dying of MS, still in her 30s and bedridden. There are days when I wake up rigid with terror and rage.
To take my mind off of all this, I'm watching on DSI TV old Blackpool and International comps and try to learn what I can via videos from the world's best dancers. I realized that I have probably vastly underestimated the importance of balance, for example. I always understood it in simple terms, like you fall or stumble or at least wobble, so you are out of balance, or you can do your steps without a problem, so you must be in balance. But I understand now that there is SO much more to balance than that! Nearly all depends on it, from self-confidence and presence through rootedness and proper hip action and our ability to have time and fill movements with life. The best dancers have the best balance; therefore, they have all the time in the world to really dance, which is everything.
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