(Dance) Partners: for better or worse

[Phooey]

LOL that men are completely rational creatures. Let's keep the sexism in check, shall we. Men can be just as insecure and in need of validation of their value as a dance partner as women are.

That isn't to say that women can't be completely rational, objective, or self-assured people. They certainly can. Men certainly have their insecurities, but I am not sure they are manifested in the same way, nor do we ask the same type of underhanded/loaded questions.

Men often have conversations that are for the purpose of "information gathering". I have a problem. I ask Joe how to fix the problem. He says use hammer A. I think I should use hammer B. The solution for me, is to bring Joe to Bob and ask Bob's opinion which hammer to use. Bob says use hammer A, we all go home happy, no intimations anything other than trying to solve the problem of which hammer to use. These sort of phone calls last about 20 seconds and are very direct, impersonal, and practical. This is the approach newbie is taking right now.

How the securities of men manifest, I defer to your expertise. But we generally do not ask loaded questions for this purpose, such as "Does this make my butt look big?"

 

[IndyLady]

That isn't to say that women can't be completely rational, objective, or self-assured people. They certainly can. Men certainly have their insecurities, but I am not sure they are manifested in the same way, nor do we ask the same type of underhanded/loaded questions.

Men often have conversations that are for the purpose of "information gathering". I have a problem. I ask Joe how to fix the problem. He says use hammer A. I think I should use hammer B. The solution for me, is to bring Joe to Bob and ask Bob's opinion which hammer to use. Bob says use hammer A, we all go home happy, no intimations anything other than trying to solve the problem of which hammer to use. These sort of phone calls last about 20 seconds and are very direct, impersonal, and practical. This is the approach newbie is taking right now.

How the securities of men manifest, I defer to your expertise. But we generally do not ask loaded questions for this purpose, such as "Does this make my butt look big?"

Yeah no, men can be (and often are) just as passive-aggressive and underhanded as women, and vice versa. I see it every day at work. And at dance. And these "20 second nothing but the facts" convos are a myth.... guys spend just as much time talking and b.s.-ing as their female counterparts.

In any case, the sooner one learns to read between the lines (regardless of gender), the less perplexing these types of interactions like newbie's will be.

 

[Requiem]

*sigh* I am probably spending too much time at working lunches and dinners - for me "end of season dinner" is exactly the occasion where everybody is more or sometimes less informally checking in with the quarterly progress of all projects.

So yes, i might have a slanted perspective, but i personally would absolutely discuss progress of a project over a nice dinner, and actually with my current partner when we rent a practice space we usually work for 2 hours, and then go for pizza+beer and debrief there.

I think it's reasonable for people to objectively discuss progress over dinner, but I don't think that's what was happening here. Based on newbie's description, his partner's reaction seemed quite emotional. She refused the dance, said nothing over the course of around 15 minutes, followed by a single terse statement. If she had been looking for objective discussion, she likely would have responded by asking/discussing what they could do better.

The teachers having presented zero unkown material in the last six months, my amount of learning was necessarily nil.

Others have already said it, but I still want to emphasize it. New material is not necessary for learning, especially for a physical activity and especially for an activity involving a partnership. It's about how well you know the material, and how well you can execute it, especially in uncertain environments. Learning can be done through practice even without a teacher.

 

[Joe]

The problem is that her question was incomplete. She really meant to ask, "So, do you feel that you learned more in this second half of the season partnering with me, than you would have if you hadn't?"

 

[MaggieMoves]

Some drama in my life as I've just recently relocated again and now bumping into some guys I used to dance with. One of them was my partner for about 3 years, so there's a lot of history there and at the same time drama. Apparently 2 years apart is not long enough to forget some of drama, as he was recently at the same social dance I was at and simply refused to dance with me. He was courteous, but disingenuous.

To make matters worse - I was recently asked to participate in a show... with him as my partner. Even more oddly, he's already agreed to it knowing I'd be the woman he'd be partnered up with.

I just said I'd think about it.

 

[DL]

Some drama in my life as I've just recently relocated again and now bumping into some guys I used to dance with. One of them was my partner for about 3 years, so there's a lot of history there and at the same time drama. Apparently 2 years apart is not long enough to forget some of drama, as he was recently at the same social dance I was at and simply refused to dance with me. He was courteous, but disingenuous.

To make matters worse - I was recently asked to participate in a show... with him as my partner. Even more oddly, he's already agreed to it knowing I'd be the woman he'd be partnered up with.

I just said I'd think about it.

Perhaps he made both decisions based on information of which you are not completely aware.

 

[Loki]

Apparently 2 years apart is not long enough to forget some of drama [...]

To make matters worse - I was recently asked to participate in a show... with him as my partner. Even more oddly, he's already agreed to it knowing I'd be the woman he'd be partnered up with.

Uh huh. And you want to deal with that goofiness again?

 

[MaggieMoves]

Uh huh. And you want to deal with that goofiness again?

I said I'd think about it to be polite and not reject him in front of half the studio. I told the studio this week that I am not interested in the showcase/performance.