Dance/School Conflict?

[standardgirl]

It can be anything. dance and school, dance and job or even dance and family....

I am so into dancing that my parents don't agree with me anymore. They feel like they are paying too much for lessons, and I am spending too much time in it. They are afraid that my grade points will drop because of dancing. They can't stand for me talking about dancing all the time...... I mean, my grades did drop a little because of the time I spend in dancing, but I used to be a 3.9 student. What else can you expect? It's not like I am a 2.0 average student, who really needs to worry about passing the classes and graduate. What should I do? What should I tell my parents? Any syggestions? any parents out there?

 

[Sagitta]

It depends by homew much. Yous ay you used to be 3.9. Now if you drop to 3.8 it isn't a big deal, but if you drop down to 3.0 it is a lot more significant.. And after school what are your goals? What do you need to get there? These all play a role in shaping your response.

 

[standardgirl]

It depends by homew much. Yous ay you used to be 3.9. Now if you drop to 3.8 it isn't a big deal, but if you drop down to 3.0 it is a lot more significant.. And after school what are your goals? What do you need to get there? These all play a role in shaping your response.

I have about a 3.4 for this semester alone. (although I am not quite sure yet, since the semester hasn't ended) After getting out of college, I will become an actuary working in an insurance or consulting company. I already had internship experiences in this field, and I have offers for next summer as well. I am quite confident that I will find a job when I graduate. But, if dancing goes too well, I will take dancing as a full time or part time job. Of course, this all depends on how it goes. I don't know too much about it at the moment. (At the moment, I am only working on my silver pro/am and bronze am/am comp next year.....) As of right now, I would say that I will be dancing for the rest of my life, but things might change later.

 

[pygmalion]

Wow. Tough one, chiwenl. :?

Do you want me to be a supportive fellow-dancer, or do you want me to pretend to be your Mom?

From the dancer perspective, you've gotta go for it, now. And a slight drop in grades may be the price you have to pay. You have high and truly attainable dance-related goals, but, if you don't focus, the possibility of attaining them is limited. :?

But, to be painfully honest, if I were your Mom, I'd set some limits for you, after a few heart-to-hearts, so I understood your point of view. I'd probably set limits in terms of how low I'd let your grades drop before I pulled the plug completely. I'd also set financial limits in terms of how much I'd pay for lessons, and I'd require you to pay for anything over and above that yourself. Which would play right into my other requirement -- that you find a non-dance activity to participate in regularly. Sorry. I've gotta be honest with you, here. As mean as I may sound, setting limits for you is your parents' job. Their responsibility is to make sure that you turn into a healthy, emotionally balanced, independent and functional adult. Your becoming a dancer, from their perspective, is optional.

So back to being a supportive dancer. Your best approach, in my view, is to work with them as best you can. It sounds like your parents really are trying to support you -- they are paying for your lessons, after all, which a lot of parents wouldn't. They just don't want dance to completely consume your life. They're probably afraid that, like a lot of athletes, you'll put everything you have into dance, and limit your career options later in life. I think your best bet is to try to work with them, rather than become adversarial. If you go that path, you'll only lose.

btw, I'm not suggesting that you deceive them in any way. Going underground with your dancing will hurt all of you in the long run.

Good luck with this one. It's not easy. :?

 

[Chris Stratton]

What are your post collegiate plans, and how does dancing fit into them?

Thinking of turning pro? Have you talked to one about it?

What sort of other options for earning an income to support dancing will your graduate with, or be able to develop?

 

[standardgirl]

What are your post collegiate plans, and how does dancing fit into them?

work as an actuary, working 8 to 5 monday to friday. I can still dance at nights like I did when I had the internship this past summer. I will still being competing pro/am and am/am after college.

Thinking of turning pro? Have you talked to one about it?

I never though about pushing this. If things go great, this is an option, but dancing/teaching part-time at nights and working regularly in the morning are more likely to happen than being a complete pro. I mean, IF, (which it's not likely) I have the potential to compete as a pro and do well (dance wise and financial wise), I will. I don't don't want to do it, but I don't want to push it.

What sort of other options for earning an income to support dancing will your graduate with, or be able to develop?

This is tough. When I graduate, it will be really hard to support my dancing. Since most poeple with my major only makes about 45 a year. I can still afford taking privates, just not like the way it is right now. Hopefully, I can get a part-time job teaching at clubs. This is a really well paid job! After working for a few years, and get my fellow status, the average salary is over 100. I should be in my late twenties, and once that happens, I am all set financially.

 

[motardmom]

I thought Pygmalion gave very sound advice from a parental standpoint.

High school is the time to experience a broad spectrum of activities. It is the time to work on your brain and learn all you can. Dance is great, and a lot of people make a career out of it and that is great if you want to do that with your life. But I would still encourage you to not concentrate on it quite yet. Get thru high school, get into college. Experience life. Make yourself into an interesting person who understands lots of different things from history to health sciences, to physics, to psychology... You will be happier throughout your life if you can understand a broad range of topics and interact with a broad range of people. You will have more opportunities in life. And who knows but what you could find a job that sends you around the world, and you can experience different social dance scenes... and meet other DF'ers?

There are drawbacks to focusing on dance to the point of shutting out other things. I don't really see any drawbacks to dancing and focusing on school at the same time. I'd encourage you to seek balance between the two. It's too easy to keep the blinders on and not see anything else, and miss out on other aspects of life. Additionally, life can change on a dime. I'm speaking from experience with that. When you are young, you dream and make plans and look forward to life then stuff starts to happen and you start to alter your plan... Sometimes you get to a point where you totally have to scrap the plan and draft a new one... I'm not saying it's bad to have a plan, but definitely you need a back-up. What happens if you are a dance instructor and you blow out your knee? Or get in a terrible car accident and end up in a wheelchair cannot dance anymore? On one hand, you cannot live your life on "what-if's". But you can't just not have a contingency plan either.

(And smart people are so attractive!!!)

 

[standardgirl]

Hi motardmom,

just to clarify,
I am in college now, but my parents still support me financially.
yeah, I had a 3.9 in college, and it drops to a 3.4 for this semester alone.

 

[Chris Stratton]

Hopefully, I can get a part-time job teaching at clubs.

A part time job teaching dance (in any partnered form) would bar your from competing as an amateur in either am/am or pro/am division.

That's not to say that being a part time pro isn't a good option for later in life, just that the part-time refers to the fact that you earn most of your income doing something else, not your official status as a dancer.

Anyway, it sounds like you have things in balance - I had been worried you might be thinking of letting other stuff slide and just try to make it on dancing alone, but it doesn't sound like you are considering that at all.

 

[standardgirl]

Hey Chris,

that's right, I can't teach and compete as am......
well, I guess, in that case, I will compete as am/am or pro/am until those comps are not fun/challenging anymore, then it's probably time to consider pro, if I am still interested.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am, however, dancing really hard right now. I even take ballet to help me in ballroom and latin. I just want to give it a shot, and see where I can go. If I don't give it a try, I will never acheive anything. If things go really well, some point in my life, I might take a break from work and concentrate on dancing for a while, and see where that takes me. It all depends, nothing is set. I mean, I will do my best, and work hard, but where it will end up going is not totally in my control. My parents don't seem to understand this. They feel like dancing is my everything right now.

 

[pygmalion]

Sorry to come across like a meanie, but you did ask somebody to put themselves in your parents shoes, right?

That said, I agree with Chris. It does sound as if you have a balance in terms of your long range goals. Maybe you should broach the subject with your parents, rather than waiting for them to approach you? That starts to shift part of the adult responsibility away from your parents and more into your hands. If you're in college, it's probably time. 8)

One more small bit of input. When I worked at Bell Labs, I did a brief stint of peer recruiting for college hires. You know what we did with resumes? Any GPA under 3.5, we tossed. There were so many qualified applicants out there, we could afford to discard anybody under 3.5. I don't think 3.4 for a semester is a show-stopper. That happens, sometimes, even to people who aren't trying to maintain two full-time careers (student and dancer.) But if you start seeing a consistent drop, understand the possible implications to your career, especially your starter jobs, since the biggest indicator recruiters are looking for, at those first interviews, is most likely going to be your GPA.

 

[Joe]

Hopefully, I can get a part-time job teaching at clubs.

A part time job teaching dance (in any partnered form) would bar your from competing as an amateur in either am/am or pro/am division.

Bah. Barring the one example we had from earlier this year, I bet there are tons of people who do this and get away with it.

 

[heartgrl2k]

I work full-time, go to school at night full-time, and have a 4 month old baby at home. I LOVE dancing, and someday would like to either compete or teach, but if I had to give to advice, I would say you need to prioritize. What really is the most important thing in your life - for the long-term? Your parents obviously think it's school, and it sounds like most of the people on DF agree.

You also have to realize with a busy schedule like yours, you're not going to be perfect at everything. I had a hard time dealing with this. It just isn't practical to think you can be a perfect student, champion dancer, and equally good at whatever other relationships you have in your life.

If your field is so competitive that you need a high GPA, then that is where you need to focus. Mine isn't, all I need is a degree, so I can focus more of my energies away from school when I need to. Trust me, I take advantage of holidays and breaks to dance as much as I can, but right now I need school and my son needs me more.

Dancing will always be there. Your opportunity for an education may not come around again (or it will be much harder later on).

 

[Kitty]

Hey Chris,

that's right, I can't teach and compete as am......
well, I guess, in that case, I will compete as am/am or pro/am until those comps are not fun/challenging anymore, then it's probably time to consider pro, if I am still interested.

am comps will always be challenging: it is hard to beat championship dancers that are at the top of amateur.

 

[Kitty]

Hopefully, I can get a part-time job teaching at clubs.

A part time job teaching dance (in any partnered form) would bar your from competing as an amateur in either am/am or pro/am division.

Bah. Barring the one example we had from earlier this year, I bet there are tons of people who do this and get away with it.

you mean plenty of people who break the rules and have not been caught yet?

I think I've heard that an am can make up to 1000 on dancing a year as long as all of it is also spent on dancing, and thats it. Those who are making under 1000 are probably ok, but those who really supplement their income with it... - definitely not.