Dance Schools can be disasters for the lonely and vulnerable

[MaggieMoves]

I was going to avoid posting in this thread, but honestly a bulk of what you said is spot on and has been discussed to death already. You can also say that for those that have been dancing awhile they can also be soul-sucking sources of drama in our lives... especially at the "competitive" (at least, perceived), studios.

There's no sense in continuing beating these topics to death.

You always have to remember not on why you started, but what also your motivation is to continue to dance.

 

[sbrnsmith]

I see what you did there.

Hmm I don't. I'm pretty dense when it comes to that.

I'm actually pretty exhausted by the end of the day to try to figure out any kind of double meaning in any post.

 

[sbrnsmith]

I was going to avoid posting in this thread, but honestly a bulk of what you said is spot on and has been discussed to death already. You can also say that for those that have been dancing awhile they can also be soul-sucking sources of drama in our lives... especially at the "competitive" (at least, perceived), studios.

There's no sense in continuing beating these topics to death.

You always have to remember not on why you started, but what also your motivation is to continue to dance.

It may have been discussed to death as you say. But obviously, it's not resonating or has enough meaning with some of the poor souls who are dealing with it. So we can shut it down because it's been discussed to death already. Or we can show some empathy to the person that found us and is reaching out for reassurance, answers, etc.
I was and have been in that position. So I tend to lean on the side of empathy

 

[RiseNFall]

Hmm I don't. I'm pretty dense when it comes to that.

I'm actually pretty exhausted by the end of the day to try to figure out any kind of double meaning in any post.

"You've come a long way, baby" was used as a slogan for a cigarette campaign in the late 60's (Virginia Slims) and "unfiltered" could be also be a reference to a cigarette.

 

[sbrnsmith]

"You've come a long way baby" is a slogan for Virginia Slims. "Unfiltered" could have been a play on words regarding cigarettes.

I doubt it was anything intentional or pointed. Just a funny coincidence for those that caught it.

It's cool with me. No offense taken.

 

[DL]

I see what you did there.

Well, it really could have been taken a very different way. I'm glad that the exuberance of the moment (for me anyway) won over all other interpretations. Internet is hard.

PS
This sub-thread conversation only SEEMS like a hijack.

 

[DL]

"You've come a long way baby" is a slogan for Virginia Slims. "Unfiltered" could have been a play on words regarding cigarettes.

I doubt it was anything intentional or pointed. Just a funny coincidence for those that caught it.

Oh, I should really pretend I meant that (because it's awesome); but I guess I'll only go so far as to claim that some days, my subconscious is more clever than I am. I was actually worried that my immediate (and irrepressible) reaction might seem less-than-respectful, but in fact I hope it conveyed significant respect indeed.

 

[Mr 4 styles]

Jinx. Rise and fall owes Larinda a coke

 

[RiseNFall]

Yes, I do, assuming @Larinda McRaven drinks soda. She might prefer something else.

 

[Loki]

It's cool with me. No offense taken.

Don't you mean "Kool"?

 

[macbadoo]

Oh hey! Another newbie like me. I have been very quiet last couple of months. I guess no news is good news and since I don't have any bad ones, mostly good ones, all is well.

I must say, I entered dancing classes with my guard risen all the way up. I still felt infatuated for 2 weeks for one partner and another 2 weeks for another one. What can I say? Being so close to pretty, young ladies just fires up my stone cold heart. But being mindful that these things happen, even with my guard up, eased me on accepting that I am there to learn how to dance to go out more. I think that is the best advice I can give. Just accept your feelings and accept where they come from. For me, it was defenitely the lack of having that female touch and attention. Hell, out of all the 5 months of dancing, I had to go to the bathroom twice to "calm myself down there". They were mostly in the beginning.

I certainly feel grateful to have stuck around. I still feel a bit awkward in dinners because I have no damn clue what to talk about. But the "scarecrow" feeling I had in the beginning as been long gone.

One male newbie to another, how are you dealing with learning how to lead? I had the darnest time learning the feel for it. Still very green, but getting better by the lessons.

 

[VronskyWasSoVain]

Oh hey! Another newbie like me. I have been very quiet last couple of months. I guess no news is good news and since I don't have any bad ones, mostly good ones, all is well.

I must say, I entered dancing classes with my guard risen all the way up. I still felt infatuated for 2 weeks for one partner and another 2 weeks for another one. What can I say? Being so close to pretty, young ladies just fires up my stone cold heart. But being mindful that these things happen, even with my guard up, eased me on accepting that I am there to learn how to dance to go out more. I think that is the best advice I can give. Just accept your feelings and accept where they come from. For me, it was defenitely the lack of having that female touch and attention. Hell, out of all the 5 months of dancing, I had to go to the bathroom twice to "calm myself down there". They were mostly in the beginning.

I certainly feel grateful to have stuck around. I still feel a bit awkward in dinners because I have no damn clue what to talk about. But the "scarecrow" feeling I had in the beginning as been long gone.

One male newbie to another, how are you dealing with learning how to lead? I had the darnest time learning the feel for it. Still very green, but getting better by the lessons.

Yah I always try to think about it from the female instructors' point of view and how it must be like having to be in physical contact with so many men, most of which probably she has no attraction to whatsoever. It'd be weird for one of them to be interested in you in that way. I can't help feel the way that I feel but it doesn't mean she has to ever know. I think over time, these feelings will hopefully dissipate. You're right in that I have to accept that these feelings. Doesn't mean I have to ever act on them.

Leading is a challenge. I'm not a big tall guy. My problem is the frame. I think I need to do more yoga or core exercises. The problem isn't upper body strength as I have a pretty toned physique but it's more around core strength and flexibility.

 

[opendoor]

..However at the end of the day, I'm still a single guy with an unsatisfactory dating life and not confident...

Something went wrong, SmoothAsian. Starting with dance usually means to remove all the said deficiencies. Learning steps and musicality only is second priority. Learning to dance means social learning in the first place. I speak from experience. From the date I started dancing, I got so confident in dealing with women. My mantra is: dancing is learning for life.
Perhaps you chose the wrong dance community. If the instructor is the only attractive girl around, something must be wrong. Don't select for a certain teacher, don't select for a certain style, dance or music (all that will come later). Only select for a vivid dance community. How can you recognize a vivid dance community?

- social dance events are offered,
- these socials are well attended,
- socials are not only limited to dancing, there should be a scene,
- there is a crowd of young enthusiasts.

As soon as you have found such a community, meet these people one hour before the lesson starts. Be sure, they do meet somewhere! Fill your address book with in-future dance partners. Always address them by name. Be sure, you do need them. Regularly ask your (current) dance partner to go to dance parties and popular socials. The more often you are seen on the pista the more easy it well get for you.

 

[IndyLady]

Something went wrong, SmoothAsian. Starting with dance usually means to remove all the said deficiencies. Learning steps and musicality only is second priority. Learning to dance means social learning in the first place. I speak from experience. From the date I started dancing, I got so confident in dealing with women. My mantra is: dancing is learning for life.

I initially thought this was tongue-in-cheek but having read the rest of the post, now I'm not sure.

People who use dance as a means to an end (looking for romance, confidence, easing social awkwardness, etc) don't last unless they actually fall in love with dance itself, including the bolded and all the technical/academic learning that goes with it.

 

[DL]

Something went wrong, SmoothAsian. Starting with dance usually means to remove all the said deficiencies.

The gist of the rest of your post seems to be that practice with the social interactions associated with dancing yields improved social skills generally. I think I can get on board with that.

However, despite many claims to the contrary (including implications by legions of women both lamenting and hoping to correct gender imbalances in their local dance communities), it does NOT follow (indeed, how could it?!?), "Learn to dance, get a girlfriend."

What really happens (I think this is roughly aligned with IndyLady's point) is, "Learn to dance, get better at dancing."